Saturday, January 31, 2009

Portrait of the Artist as a Fucking Asshole

D4 song, look it up. Anyway, Belle tagged me in a uhh....I guess it was sort of like a journal entry/blog on Facebook. She kinda just listed 25 important (or sometimes less important, but usually very accurate) points about who she is. Well I thought I could use that as a blog entry for today, so why not? The title of hers was "Portrait of a Woman, Poster of a Girl" or something like that. See? I thought I'd be funny and use the D4 song name (that already rips off something [Belle told me what it was at one point, but I don't remember]).

1. I never get to analyze myself and when I find out that people like or dislike me, it always strikes me as "Whoa! They actually have opinions about me?!" That being said, this list is a new thing to me.

2. I never never say never. Never.

3. I'm not cynical, I'm naive and I try to be as honest as I can. (That's a Randy lyric, but it's also true.) But no seriously, I haven't experienced a lot of fucked-up shit, I guess. Like when I think of "family's drug/alcohol history," I think of my uncle (who is now divorced to my aunt) chewing snuff. And I've never done drugs or drank or anything, so I guess that makes me naive.

4. Though I'm one of the most honest people I know, I'm also one of the most emo on a daily basis people I know. (I'm obviously not very good at these lists of self-analysis.) I don't know why I'd want to lie to people because I learned early in life that lieing bites you in the ass later on. I've also, now that I'm 17, figured out that things will always get better one day, it's just harder to realize that when you're not on one of those better days. Therefor, I act really emo and depressed a lot. The bad emo (without the suicidal tendencies).

5. I love girls. Girls are wonderful. I've only been attracted to probably enough to count on two hands in my life, but they're still awesome. That being said, I'm not the most masculine guy I know by any means. And that being said, I'm very comfortable with myself. This should probably be a list of 100 things and I could do without all of this elaboration. Anyway, girls are awesome. They make me happy.

6. Boys are okay to hang out with and talk to sometimes. I've found a lot less boys that I trust with telling things than I have found girls. It's probably like a 6/1 girl/boy ratio for people I trust with knowledge. However, I very much appreciate that boys that will listen to my relationship/life problems on a daily or weekly basis. Boys tend to be too homophobic and/or racist and/or complete assholes for me to be comfortable being around. I was raised by women. Now I live with gay men.

7. I love relationships. Relationships make me feel safe and loved and respected. Now, the ending of relationships kind of has a counter effect, but it usually works out that I feel better in the end than I felt in the beginning, so relationships are still awesome when you boil them down. Relationships might not be for some people, but they're all I can take.

8. I love talking. I feel safer on MSN/AIM or when alone with someone one on one. But when I'm in one of those situations, I could talk until I passed out. Especially when talking to a girl I like (ask any girl I've ever liked). I tell people that adding me to MSN is like signing up for a mailing list for listening to me bitch about everything. Anyone that reads my blog could have probably told me that, though.

9. I love me some punk. Everything about punk is awesome (except maybe Johnny Rotten and the gluesniffing/crack snorting/alcoholism/group sex [still a little bit cool]/and other drug abuse methods). But the free thinking? Free speaking? Free beer at NOFX shows (not that I drink, but it was cool that they did that)? What's not awesome about that? Did I mention there aren't a bunch of washed-up hippy scumbags in punk, too? All of that, and the music is very energetic and often relatable (unless it's about something ridiculous like having cereal wars, but that's still enjoyable). It's just a lot of fun, it's educational (if you're into political punk), it's self-expressive, it's not overtaken by bull shit (unless you're into like Anti-Flag and The Distillers), and what else? There's no drama. There's mutual respect. No homophobia, no racism (unless you're a Nazi punk, in which case you should listen to Jello Biafra and fuck off). The stereotypical style is fun, but punk doesn't really care how you dress. It's all about being yourself. The only problems I have are that there aren't as many girls (I blame the media for consuming them at a young age with Radio Disney) and the girls that there are are often on drugs and/or have really bad teeth. Oh well, I'll survive.

10. I don't like eating as much as I used to. Weird. Don't know why that is. I don't really eat for pleasure or taste, I do it for the keeping me alive aspect.

11. I love to play the drums. It's my favorite thing to do, I'm pretty sure. I like it not just because I'm better at it than I am most anything, but because...I guess I just like it because I'm good at it. It's a self-expression thing. It's my outlet. When I feel I have something to say, I don't paint a picture. I play drums fucking loudly.

12. I love playing chromatic (usually stringed) instruments. Guitar/piano/whatever. Things that I can write lyrics to and sing with at the same time (as opposed to singing along while playing a flute or something) are what I like. I'm not as good at guitar or piano as I am drums, so it makes the expression thing sometimes harder, but what I can express can be put into terms that other people can easily pick up on (those being songs with lyrics). Chords are also fun to make because they sound fuller than playing like bass or something. I don't know, I guess I just like guitar and piano a lot, but I also love my bass.

13. I love music in general. Music is better than art (another Randy lyric/concept). I won't really say that as a true, unbiased statement, but music can do so much for me than any other kind of art can...except maybe like acting/movie/whatever they call it art. You know, movies and plays. Maybe that means I'm just shallow when compared to people that are more encapsulated by a drawing, but whatever. I am what I am. I could talk about how awesome music is for days, but I'm done!

14. I like crying...or things that make me cry. If a song can make me cry, it's probably an excellent song. If a movie can make me cry, it's probably an excellent movie. I don't mean sad cry, I mean "That was absolutely fucking beautiful" cry. The Jets to Brazil song "Cat Heaven" and the movie Seven Pounds are prime examples. If I were to cry while watching Bambi at any point in my life, that doesn't make it an excellent movie to me. That means his mom was shot and I feel empathy. Big difference.

15. I'm glad I never tried sports. After being a speculator for so many years and after playing sports in gym class, I've concluded that it was a good idea for me to not get involved with sports as younger child. Sports kind of represents everything I hate when it comes to attitudes.

16. I'm a fucking vegetarian. I haven't had meat in 2 years this month. However, I'm wearing a leather jacket right now because it keeps me warm and I've not been feeling good. Not that wearing a leather jacket makes me feel good, but ehh. It makes me feel contradictory, though. At least this jacket has existed for a long time and served a purpose time in again instead of being something that's pleasurable to someone's mouth for one meal. Oh, and yeah, I do it all for animal rights, not for dieting or anything stupid like that. It's a beliefs thing.

17. I'm not religious. I don't like religion. It's not for me. I don't believe in any of them. I tried religion and lived with it for 15 years. I grew out of it. However, I've no problems with anyone else's beliefs as long as they respect mine (or my lack of them, I guess). I also believe that religion has nothing to do with moral values or judgment of good and bad. I know what's right to do and what is horrible. I don't know entirely what I believe happens when you die, but all I know and am concerned about is that I'm alive right now, for whatever reason.

18. I love blogging. This is probably going to be my longest one to date, or it has the potential to be one, at least.

19. I am very confident in myself. That's not to say that I'm completely confident when talking to certain people or anything, but I mean that I know what I am like inside and try to portray that image on the outside. If anyone has a problem with it, I know that I can't do a lot about that and wouldn't care to do anything to satisfy them if I could. I like myself and that is important to me. The motive for mentioning this was as a response to all of the "Your hair never looks washed" comments from an anonymous source via MySpace Truth Boxes. I don't care. I like my hair, thank you very much.

20. I don't want a job. I want to be a successful musician. I don't want to go to college. I don't want to finish high school. I don't want to grow up. I am going to have to live with probably most of those not working out in my favour, but I reailze that and am okay with it. My ideal would be to constantly tour and record music while maintaining a very healthy relationship with somebody that loves me as much as I do. That's what I aim for in life.

21. I don't like bands that are in it for the wrong reasons (money being the main point of reference). I also hate mediocrity in music, especially when those mediocre bands are made out to be something wonderful. This is a summary of what I say in my blog every day.

22. Some little things that make me happy include: my lucky beret, my Descendents Vans, The Office, Animal Crossing, The Legend of Zelda, Super Smash Bros, FreeCell, and random acts of kindness.

23. I love my family for what it is and who the people in it are. Every normal family is disfunctional.

24. I don't like TV, I don't like South Park, I don't like cell phones, I don't like George W Bush, I don't like drugs, I don't like candy, but if you are into any of those things, I won't hold it against me...unless you believe you can't function without any of them. Especially if you don't think you can function without George W. What the fuck?

25. I live with regrets, but I don't let them get to me. I'm as honest to myself as I am to anyone else.






love,
Kyle

1 comment:

la.belle.rebelle said...

"Portrait of the Artist as a Fucking Asshole" is Dillinger Four's spin on the title of a book by James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

The title of my note on Facebook was actually Portrait of a Lady, Poster of a Girl. It's a song by Metric. Get it right, bitch! Haha.

Isn't this sort of thing nicer than surveys? You get to say whatever you want, not answer poorly phrased and pointless questions.
Then again, I suppose it's all just self propaganda. Oh well. I think we were both very honest.