Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Obama, resuming depression, and some hope

So I'm wearing my "Not My President" shirt now with George W on it and I'm wearing it to school tomorrow, too. I've been waiting for this day for a while now. However, I wasn't counting on the rest of my life to be so depressing that it's hard to enjoy in the moment. If Obama would have been sworn in on the first week of January, it could have been the best week of my life. This just kind of puts a silver lining in my shitty past few weeks...but it still isn't going to help my personal issues. Oh well, there are less petty issues that it will help. That's important.

So we had an argument in chemistry class today on whether or not this inauguration was historic or not. Why should that ever have to be an argument? It shouldn't, but Logan thinks it should be. His argument was "If the color of your skin isn't important, as they say, then why are we making a big deal out of a black president?" He so doesn't get the point. The big deal is that our country has proven that it isn't as big of a deal as it used to be. 100 years ago, it'd have been impossible for a black man to be the principal at a school. But now we've made a complete turn around and today, a black man was sworn into office. Fuckin' A, America. That's the way to show that we CAN evolve or something. That's encouraging.

On the other hand of my life, nothing works as planned. For anyone. I bring this up every day, but I find it a little difficult to ignore. And to make it worse, my fucking internet connection just let while typing this last little part. I'll be lucky if I ever get to fucking post this. Why don't we limit Kyle's life a little more, God? Have I not the freedom to express myself anymore? No freedom to love easily? You wanna break another one of my guitar strings? That'll make me feel a lot better, I'm sure. Better yet, how about this: the next time I play my drums, you should make one of my cymbals crack. Yeah, then I'd be even happier. In fact, let's make it so that I'm happy when I have to eat McDonald's. Let's make people looking at me the biggest blessing I could recieve. Let's put me in the studio, tell me I can record a song for 7 minutes and cut me off at the end of the intro. Man, isn't it just so funny to watch? I'm glad I'm on the shit-end of this stick, otherwise, I wouldn't know how to stop laughing.

Let's see what you've done to me so far:

-You've taken the girl that lives 5 minutes down the road that I really feel something for and you've thrown her down the road a least another hour and a half's distance. Good start.

-You continue to give my brother hip problems so that my mom has to continuously take him to Pittsburgh and back to have surgery. His life sure wasn't fuckin' difficult enough for him as it was. And it sure makes it a lot easier on the rest of us! You're getting better.

-Every appointment, every plan, every hope you've cancelled on. You cancelled my dentist appointment, you've taken my plans to somehow (through a fuckin' ton of effort) see Katie and you've made it even more impossible to coordinate and schedule and work, and I Forget hasn't fucking recorded in weeks. Huh, that doesn't happen ALL THE FUCKING TIME. You're hitting gold.

-You read my blog and make my life as ironic as possible by doing exactly as I predict will happen (only when it's something negative) or something "humorously" related to it. So I said that you're gonna have to kill a family member to make this week more tolerable. I guess killing that baby goat that the dogs ate is close enough, right? That sure made my mom's life a lot better, too, since she's been trying to be here for its birth and you decide that it'd be funny for it to, not only have that baby while she's gone, but also have the dogs eat it when she's not here to stop them. So funny. Why am I not laughing at all of these hilarious circumstances?

Because it fucking sucks. The title of this blog isn't even accurate anymore. Fuck "resuming depression." This is past recession, past depression, this is getting closer to hell on earth. Thanks for ringing in the new year with these bells that clang with destroyed hopes and dreams. Did I mention that it's still totally funny how the internet hasn't come back yet? If you really want to make an impression, I suggest you don't let it come back until I get to a house where I don't have this saved. Don't you fucking think that won't stop me from posting this as soon as I get the chance, though.

And okay, maybe I still have a whole whole lot of things to be thankful for that the rest of the world doesn't have. Is that the lesson here? That's something you teach first graders. Is the sexless past 16 months of my life not funny enough to watch for you? How about I go live in a shoebox down in the hollow somewhere? Is that where you'll draw the line? Or are you going to keep making the weeks somehow shittier and shittier as they go along? So far, you really haven't failed at doing that. If there is no god, then this is just really shitty. If there is and he's in control of this, then FUCK HIM.

Who knows? Maybe some fucking miracle will happen tomorrow and everything will be beter than it's ever been in life before. Do you want to prove me wrong? Is there something wrong with me saying "After 17 years, I've finally learned that if something goes wrong, it's not the end of the world"? I'm trying to be a good, optimistic sport through all of this.

Okay, well anyway, thanks for the food, the piano, the potential shot for a relationship (which, at this point, would be a little past a 3-pointer), the clothes, and our new president. I appreciate those things. I just want a little emotional empathy. Please?


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