Monday, September 28, 2009

Bitch, that's a mistake!

So I didn't plan on or want to write this, but it kind of just happened. Motivation at 12:18 AM. Well here's the deal: I have to drive to school in the morning and the last time I drove to school, I crashed into someone at 10 mph. Well it'd be nice if I had some rest before I go driving, so I'll try to keep this very brief. Oh how I want some pancakes.

Brandon Irwin came and played guitar with I Forget at our rehearsal yesterday and he is probably going to become our fourth member as rhythm/lead guitarist depending on the song. That's very exciting to me. That means we can start writing lead and harmonizing guitar parts and playing them live! Awesome! Though, yeah, there's something really sweet about 3-piece bands...but still, some 3-piece bands have added other members and it gone over smoothly. Think Dead to Me (who are like a 3-piece again, so maybe that's a bad example) or Propagandhi! And both of those bands have two lead singers like us! That's a good thing to name off real quick. Bands with two (or more) lead singers:

-Alkaline Trio
-Dead to Me
-Dillinger Four
-Toys That Kill
-Teenage Bottlerocket
-The Lawrence Arms
-System of a Down
-Dropkick Murphys
-Drag the River
-The Beatles

Okay, so that's not that many, but there are some great names on there! I Forget fits in real nicely, I believe. Anyway, I just wasted like 10 minutes composing that list. I forget what I was going to say. I broke up with Katie. I wrote some of that essay. I did well on the tests I took today, I feel. Jim's surgery went well today. I'm continually injuring myself. I wanna ruin Nick's shit. Someone hit his homecoming sign today and drew a dick on his locker.

So anyway, here's a list of bands with less than one lead singer:

-Bob Marley

...too soon?


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Once again...twice, rather

Going into the studio and rehearsing yesterday did not work out as planned. Does it ever? Instead of going into the studio and playing music together, Jason, after we finally got ahold of him on the way there, said that he didn't know what we were doing that day. "Bullshit he didn't!" Brittney said. We kinda had all confirmed with him separately earlier that day that we were in fact going to come in a little later and rehearse. So whatev, he forgets everything. We're almost ashamed to have the band name that we have when we're around him. So we'll try again today. We're supposed to go in at 2:30.

Today, Brandon Irwin will be joining us and playing with us. Perhaps we're looking at I Forget's fourth member? That'd be neat, eh? We'll see how this plays out. And umm...yeah, so today should be good.

I did not get enough sleep last night because I was booking on my mom taking us to second service at church, but instead we went to the 8:15 service. That sucks. I'm fucking tired. I have two essays to write, some tests to study for (not that I'd do that anyway), and rehearsal to go through today and I have gotten no fucking sleep. As we discussed in Sunday School today, my goal for the week is to get my shit together. I gotta get my parking permit for school, gotta sign up for SAT's since I'm wayyyy late on that, and I just gotta get these essays written and written well and do well on tests. I am a bit overwhelmed. I also have to do better at cross country. I think I've thrown my left hip out or something because it really hurts to walk on it right now. That and I can still feel that side stitch from yesterday.

So okay, maybe today is the look at a new horizon. Still gotta dump that girlfriend of mine. Every time I sit down and figure out how I want to say it to her, it's in a time I cannot text her, since that's going to have to be the method. Even if she doesn't get the text because Ginger reads it instead, well, that's not my fucking problem.

Nick says Ginger Berry sounds like the name of a cereal. I said it sounds like something you'd pick on a tree in a Pokemon game. "Obtained Ginger Berry!"

'Kay, that's about all the coverage in my life I've got for you so far. Oh, maybe I didn't explain how I got a side stitch on my last mile of the race yesterday and instead of running a 6:06 mile like my first mile, the last was 8:25. Yeah, hurt like a bitch. My total time was 22:25. Still not bad, but I can do better. I'll be back at that same track in 8 days now.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Das ist gute!

So I'm kicking ass at cross country this week during workouts, hopefully it will show on Saturday. Regardless of where I finish on Saturday, it's setting up to be an awesome day. Why? Because I got ahold of Jason today and we have made plans to go into the studio and rehearse on Saturday. This will be the first time I Forget has played together since the last Warren show. Awesome. Totally stoked.

Girlfriend hasn't spoken to me. Think we can stick a fork in this one.

Um, been watching some videos on Michael Moore's new movie Capitalism: A Love Story. Propagandhi showed me this show via Facebook called Democracy Now! and I watched the hour of it and Michael Moore came in to talk about his new movie and frankly, I am still very interested in politics. It's weird. I love politics, I'll listen to politics all day, but I hate politics and know nothing about it at the same time. Politics are interesting. Politics are evil. Politics are fascinating. I can't verbally argue my side in political arguments very well because I'm just not organized in that way and don't know every fact about everything and cannot throw statistics and site every reference in a casual conversation. That's why I look up to Michael Moore and Propagandhi. They do it pretty well. Perhaps I should read some Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky.

I was supposed to write an essay tonight and have it for peer reviews tomorrow in College English, but it would appear that I completely forgot to take my book home so I could look back at the essays in it and at least get the titles so I could start comparing and contrasting them. Oh yes, I have not explained the prompt. We are to either compare and contrast two essays on date rape or two essays on immigration and decide which uses the tools of persuasion better. I wanted to do the ones on date rape, but I realized that I'm not sure how different the arguments presented really are, so I may read over the ones on immigration and see what I think about those. I really am not looking forward to writing this essay.

Tomorrow during school, I have to write up a study guide I could have done any other day this week during any of the 5 (give or take an hour or two) hours I spent sleeping in class because I had all of my work done. I also have to do some chapter review questions in Computer Applications. I slept for 2/3 of Microbiology today and all of Computer Applications. It. was. awesome. Then I woke up, went to the bathroom, changed, and ran six sets of half mile runs. 6 8's, Mr. Phillips says. If I run anything on Saturday like I have the three workout days we've had this week, I will be killing in the JV race. I want to get on varsity by the end of the season. I've found my competitive side, I think. I just had to prove to myself that I was capable of running with the faster people and staying with them and sometimes even being faster.

So here's a little up/down rundown in how things are looking:

School preparedness: down
Cross country: up
I Forget playing/recording: up
Girlfriend: down
Political knowledge: up
Overall feeling: I need to get my school work together and break up with my girlfriend.

Oh shit! And Ben, Nick, and I got together yesterday evening at Ben's house, learned a couple of Weezer songs (half-assed, of course), and went in to Psychology class today and played them for everyone. I played bass and sang while Ben took drumming duty and Nick was left on guitar as usual. We played "Dreamin" and "Undone - The Sweater Song." I thought it was alright minus a few things here and there.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Today I...

1. Got up at 6:30, got dressed and ready for school, got on the bus around 6:55:20 and slept.

2. Got to school. Went to Psychology class, saw my teacher, who is my sister's grandma, Mammaw Sara, had a short class, and got ready to watch a presentation given by the strongest man on earth about the Columbine shootings and the death of Rachel Scott and the impact her kindness has had on the world.

3. Watched the presentation. Did not cry, which left me sorta disappointed, but I still enjoyed the presentation.

4. Watched as people gave various excuses as to why they did not want to accept Rachel's "challenge" which basically just states that you will try to set a good example and be fair to people and try to do your best in life.

5. Ate lunch.

6. Had half an hour of Microbiology where I wore Timmy's jacket and acted like him by saying "house" weird and by stretching my arms and proclaiming that I haven't had sex in 17 years and don't watch The Office. When Timmy left and our half an hour of work was finished, I slept for the remaining hour as the rest of the class watched game shows from the '80s or some shit.

7. Woke up and went to fourth block, Computer Programming, where I checked my blog, checked, showed Mrs. Boden that I'd done all of my work the day before, went back to my seat, and slept until the school day was over.

8. Got dressed for cross country. Ran 6 miles in about 45 minutes. Felt awesomely exhausted.

9. Got a ride home from Rebekah. Thank you, Rebekah. Got my shit together and took it with me to my dad's who followed Rebekah and I into the driveway.

10. Took a bath, layed in bed, ate pizza, took some pain pills, watched the finale of America's Got Talent online and cried as I saw that Kevin Skinner actually won, which I felt he should have.

11. Came back to my mom's, played a little guitar, talked to Tim, realized my school day was completely pointless, wrote this.

12. Decided it is time to go to bed. Half a day tomorrow, followed by an easy partner run. I've been kicking ass in practice. My ankle's feeling better and I like these shoes I've been wearing this week. Maybe they're a placebo.

Downloaded the new Banner Pilot album. I have a feeling it will grow on me and I will love it. I also think that Brittney subconsciously ripped off Chuck Ragan's "Do You Pray?" because she has a song about religion and the first thing it says is "Do you pray?" in the same manner and Chuck and it's the same kind of folk song as his and it's just very similar. Oh, and if Katie isn't going to come see me and I'm not going to be able to talk to her in peace, then I am done. Completely finished. This is getting to be ridiculous.

Dear Landlord is fucking awesome.


Sunday, September 20, 2009

So much new music, my head is going to explode


That is like the answer to my prayers. Here is a list of all of the bands I have downloaded albums from and the actual album names of those albums in the past few days that I've been looking for forever.

American Steel - Dear Friends and Gentle Hearts
Banner Pilot - Pass the Poison
Cloak/Dagger - We Are
Cloak/Dagger - Pinata Breaks, Demo Takes
Chuck Ragan - Feast or Famine
Cobra Skulls - American Rubicon
Dear Landlord - Dream Homes
Defiance, Ohio - The Fear, The Fear, The Fear
Drag the River - Live at the Starlight
The Menzingers - A Lesson In The Abuse of Information Technology
The Menzingers - Hold On, Dodge
Paint It Black - Paradise
Paint It Black - Amnesia
Paint It Black - Surrender
Teenage Bottlerocket - They Came from the Shadows
Various Artists - Fest 7 Comp

Now if I can, I plan on purchasing many of these actual CDs or 7-inches in the future. These albums, from what I've listened to, contain some of the best music I've ever heard. Teenage Bottlerocket, American Steel, and Cobra Skulls especially have brought out some solid full-lengths this year. That sight I gave you at the very top can give you a lot of these I mentioned and then some. Goddamn, that's some good music. I finally have Paint It Black's entire catalogue!

So the car I crashed last week is fixed. I am not driving it yet, though. At least not to school. And that's not mom's rules, that's my decision. I need to slowly get back into driving before I jump in the car and drive to school again. This nightmare is hopefully over, though. Now if I can just get the rest of my life fixed up. Need to figure out what the deal with my girlfriend and I is, need to get in the fucking studio for the first time in months and finish this fucking album. Need to get my SAT's done, some college applications sent. I got a lot of shit to sort out, obviously. I also want to do really well at cross country regionals. I did alright yesterday when I ran, but I could have done better and I will not rest until I do my best! But god, I hate running. At the same time, it was driving me mad that I didn't run today. I think I'm gonna run for the rest of my life...

I visited Jim in the hospital today. His lung collapsed and all of this shit because he's a tall and skinny boy and that happens to people like him. And apparently, if it happens once, it's more prone to happen again from then on. That's great, huh? Poor Jim. He still doesn't take anything in life seriously, but I kind of respect that in a weird way. I take too much seriously sometimes, I feel, but at the same time, I feel like I need to buckle down in a lot of areas. But Jim is going to be alright, for all of those wondering. I love ya, Jim!

Saw Jennifer's Body in theatres with Tim, Nick, Alex, and Brittney on Friday. I enjoyed it, though I'm not one for horror films generally. The part where they stab the girl while singing "Jenny (867-5309)" was fucking classic. So was the part about the box-cutter. I'll let you go see it for yourself. You probably won't regret it.

Ummm...and I forgot to mention that I watched the first episode of the new season of The Office on Thursday and it's going to be a great season and Community is going to be a great series, I feel. That's about all I got for you tonight. I love punk music.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wow, I have lived

'kay a few quick points and then I'm postin' my "finalized" paper on losing my religion RIGHT HERE ON MY BLOG!

1. Katie said that she is dating Ginger. "Yeah, okay. That's just wonderful."

2. I just watched James from Against Me! smash a bottle over George from Against Me!'s (and previously Hot Water Music if you remember from my previous posts) head. Woaaah.

3. Running still sucks.

4. My mom's car is fixable.

5. I downloaded (very illegally) the new albums of American Steel (FINALLY!), Cobra Skulls, and Teenage Bottlerocket. I intend to purchase all of them when I get the financial chance. And boy oh fucking boy, they are excellent albums. Highly recommend ALL of them.

6. We have yet to make progress on our new album.

7. Here's my story:

Religion has never been something I have claimed to fully understand, though I feel I am not alone on that one. I was raised going to church every Sunday and that really hasn’t changed since I was born, save a Sunday here and there. Religion has been a part of both my parents’ lives for as long as I can remember though it shows more through my mother. My father, I believe is not completely satisfied with many aspects of his life and I think religion and the church are two of those. My mom, on the other hand, seems to need religion and church to stay sane with the world.

I have been raised on what some would refer to as the “Bible Belt.” Most everyone I know has been, too. Here, small towns are often unincorporated and churches are some of the only ways for communities to come together. We aren’t exposed to the rest of the world first hand. Sure, someone is shot at a robbery or someone gets cheated on and seeks revenge and things of that sort happen, but if you look at the big picture, people in small towns are very sheltered. For example, I can think of maybe five black people living in the town of Fort Ashby, I have yet to see anyone who could really be classified as Asian here, and the list goes on and on. Case and point: I grew up in a simple area of the world.

My parents split when I was about three years old and since then I have been attending two churches regularly at any given time. My mom first started taking me to a church in Springfield about three minutes from my house. The church wasn’t exactly child-oriented and Brother Blueball could talk for what seemed to be years. The room smelled like stale old people. The music always seemed to be a dirge. I did not understand how religion was supposed to be a thing to rejoice about when the congregation seemed to be dead. I had always enjoyed going with my dad more at the Methodist Church, though I was not a fan of singing those songs with the little kids. They always, even to this day, sounded like a bunch of brainwashed robots singing rather than kids. One song’s chorus just repeats “Yes, God. Yes, God. Yes, God. Yes, God,” about a dozen times before it starts a second verse. That never made a lot of sense to me, either.

It wasn’t until my mom started dating my future stepdad and going to Christ Lutheran Church in LaVale, Maryland that I started to witness the more openly joyful kind of worshipping I had always thought it should have been. The pastor there, Pastor Chuck, would tell jokes that I would get, I met kids that I could laugh with and relate to, and the overall experience and atmosphere comforted me. For the first time in my life, I felt that I was “getting closer with God.”

While all of this was going on, I was still going to the same church with my dad and nothing there has really changed even to this day. My dad is still my Sunday school teacher because he’s pretty much been able to pick which grade he wants to teach because the church is dead and lacks Sunday school teachers. He does not even stay for the church service. He talks to the younger kids in the class according to his interpretation of God and to what the handouts say while I work on a different thousand-piece puzzle depending on the year. My brother never behaves because of all of his disorders and because he likes to take advantage of his dad being the Sunday school teacher. My dad has always complained about the people that go to that church and says that they dislike him just as much. I do not understand why he puts himself through what he does. I do not understand a lot about religion.

At the Lutheran church, I met a kid named David. David was a huge fan of blink-182 and NOFX at the time I met him. My sister, Kayleigh, thought he was something else and they eventually started dating. They shared bands they found with each other. I leeched off of what I could and started a steady diet of The Offspring, Green Day, and NOFX. That music was a revelation in my life in itself that brought on many others to come. I was no longer listening to the sugarcoated songs on the radio that have to have lyrics cut to fit everyone’s level of appropriateness. I was listening to songs telling me that the government is stealing from the poor, a guy named Jeff wears Birkenstocks, and that people go through their lives living on false beliefs that give them real happiness. I wasn’t sure how to feel about listening to things like that—I felt hypocritical in a way, but I tried convincing myself that exposing myself to other opinions was making me stronger in my own faith.

When I got the internet, I started connecting with people from the outside world. One person in particular, Melissa, did not believe in Christianity. She believed in Scientology at the time, but I later forgave her since she was only in the eighth grade. When she told me, I became deeply upset and could not quit imagining her burning in what I pictured hell to be. I was in fifth or sixth grade at the time and did not know what I could say or do to make her believe what I did and convince her that all she had to do was accept this guy I had always been told about named Jesus Christ into her life. It was that simple, so I was told. The way I was told, you could live your whole life a sin—raping people, murdering them, stealing from everyone you met, and if you simply asked for forgiveness on your last day on earth, you would be spared eternal damnation and instead live among the heavens. That also didn’t make sense to me, but I accepted it. “Some things aren’t meant to be understood…at least not yet,” I would tell myself.

I got older, my acceptance for different beliefs grew, and I started meeting people in school who did not believe in my lord and savior Jesus Christ. I would worry about them secretly, but I felt comfortable discussing my beliefs. One person in particular I would spend evenings disputing religion with was Isabelle. Isabelle had never been religious. Her mother was not religious, though she was my art teacher from Kindergarten to fourth grade. I was starting to realize that even in my little town, not everyone believed the same things and they were doing just fine in the world.

Isabelle and I started dating in the ninth grade. I remember her telling me that I was one of the only Christian boys she’d ever even consider dating. I thought that was cute. We continued dating and believing separate things, though most of our beliefs by that point overlapped. We both believed that morals had nothing to do with what religion or denomination you belonged to, we both believed that judging people based on what they believed was wrong, and that not everyone would ever believe the same things. That went on for a while and then we broke up about six months later. By this point, I had been listening to a large collection of secular songs and secular bands in addition to anti-religious songs by anti-religious bands. I even had bought that NOFX album that says “Never Trust a Hippy” on the front with Jesus giving the peace sign.

It was inevitable in retrospect, I suppose. I was never baptized. I had been asking questions in my First Communion class at church interested in hearing answers which couldn’t always be answered in a way that satisfied me. I had been asked if I wanted to be baptized in ninth grade and kept putting it off because I wasn’t quite sure what I believed. Pastor Chuck and my mom thought I was interested in God because I asked so many questions and participated more than anyone else in the class.

The day came that really shined the light on me—or that showed me that “the light” I had always been told about was false indeed. It was called the “Zeitgeist Movie.” Some punk band on MySpace I had added posted a bulletin about it with a subject line having to do with 9-11 truth. Unsure about religion, I was very sure I did not trust my government and was really into the 9-11 scam “inside job” thing. Naturally, I clicked on the link and started watching the movie. Almost immediately, it started on this religious rant. First thing it said was, “But He loves you.” Behind that, you could hear a crowd laughing. “He loves you and he needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more.” Alright, I thought, I wasn’t expecting for this to start by making fun of my religion, though I cannot disagree with anything they just said. After the initial “comedy,” they start their first section of the movie called “Part I: The Greatest Story Ever Told” which starts talking about the sun and how ancient religions would worship the sun. They said that the sun is “God’s Sun: the light of the world, the savior of human kind.” Hey¸I thought, I’ve heard that in church! “Likewise,” the video continued, “the twelve constellations represented places of travel for God’s Sun and were identified by names, usually representing elements of nature that happened during that period of time.”

By this point, I was shocked at how much things were actually making sense even in a religious context. I had been able to connect my own dots before, but never had they been this close together and natural. The video continued, “This is Horus. He is the Sun God of Egypt of around 3000 BC…Horus, being the sun, or the light, had an enemy known as Set and Set was the personification of the darkness or night. And, metaphorically speaking, every morning Horus would win the battle against Set – while in the evening, Set would conquer Horus and send him into the underworld…Broadly speaking, the story of Horus is as follows: Horus was born on December 25th of the virgin Isis-Meri. His birth was accompanied by a star in the east, and upon his birth, he was adored by three kings. At the age of twelve, he was a prodigal child teacher, and at the age of thirty, he was baptized by a figure known as Anup and thus began his ministry. Horus had twelve disciples he traveled [around the earth] with, performing miracles such as healing the sick and walking on water. Horus was known by many gestural names such as The Truth, The Light, God’s Anointed Son, The Good Shepherd, The Lamb of God, and many others. After being betrayed by Typhon, Horus was crucified, buried for three days, and thus, resurrected.” That was a lot to take in for me at once. Part of me wanted to throw the computer out the window and scream, “Nonsense!” and the other part of me was intrigued. It was the best sermon I had ever heard in my life and I felt I was the choir being preached to. The movie didn’t stop there. It went on to give examples of other figures in religious history that followed the same basic life patterns, but each appeared hundreds or thousands of years apart.

I was asking myself, Why would they all follow the same patterns and attributes? The movie answered my question as soon as I asked it reverting everything back to the stars. The birth sequence, the movie described, all has to do with astronomy and the alignment of the stars around December 25th, which is the winter solstice. More specifically, the start in the East, Sirius, aligns with the three stars that make up Orion’s Belt which were, at the time, referred to as the “Three Kings” and during that time of the year pointed to the place of the sunrise, or, as you could make into a story, the Three Kings were guided by the star in the East to meet the sun/son during its birth on December 25th. Then, it explained how the days become shorter and shorter until the sun stops moving south for three days due to the earth’s rotation around it and on the third day, it starts “rising again.”
More and more the video explained all of these “phenomena” and how it related with astrology. After that initial explanation, it went on to explain just why religion was used still if all of this was, in fact, true. It told me about the use of Christianity as a way of controlling the masses first with Constantine in Rome in 325, and later into Europe leading to the Dark Ages, the Crusades, the Inquisition, and everything to come afterward. “[Religion] supports blind submission to authority,” the movie told me. And with that, I decided that my time had ended with religion. I am not one for any sort of blind following, after all.

I did not care what happened to me after I died. I did not care what I was told to believe for the first fifteen years of my life. I did not care what my parents, my friends, my teachers, or anyone else thought. I cared that I had finally found something that made sense to me. I cared that I had found closure. I cared that I no longer had to convince myself that everything I was told but didn’t understand was true. I was so angry at the system, the hours, the days, the weeks of my life wasted in church that I did not care one bit of any consequences. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there were no consequences. I could hear, see, and breathe clearly for the first time in my life. I was done living a lie.

Since my big revelation, things have not been perfect. Going to church is an absolute waste of my time, I feel. My mom still thinks I am a believer, I think. I respect my mom probably more than I do any other person on this earth and I really hate to upset or disappoint her, so I usually just leave religion alone and go to church with her. I don’t complain about having to go to church every Sunday as my little brother does more religiously than going to church itself. My mom often thanks me when the service is over for coming with her. That makes it worth it in a way, but I wonder if she’s fooling herself or understands that I could care less if I ever went to church again.

My dad doesn’t really ask and I don’t really tell and that seems to be our policy for everything in life. He still wakes me up every Sunday morning and says, “It’s time for Sunday school.” I’ll then drag myself out of bed, put some jeans and maybe a polo if I’m feeling extra spunky, and get in the car. Then my dad, my brother, and I go to church in the awkward silence that always surrounds my dad. Sometimes the radio will be playing to focus the silence on something else. At church, it’s the same thing as always. I still work on a puzzle. He still directs his lesson toward the younger kids and leaves me alone. I still sit upstairs in the church hearing the younger kids chant God-fearing songs through the floor.

As for everyone else, Pastor Chuck still makes me laugh because he’s still good at telling jokes; I just tune out everything involving “our lord and savior Jesus Christ.” He doesn’t say anything to me other than, “Hi, Kyle. How’s the band been?” David lost his religion before I did. He’s lost more than his religion, though, as he travels the East Coast from state to state, girlfriend to girlfriend looking for a place that he can enjoy for a month or two. My sister, Kayleigh, and my two stepsisters also gave up their faith in God, which serves as a sense of not being the only disappointment to the way my mom raised us. My friends still accept me just the same. I am just as moral as I was before, if not more. I have faith and will to go on but that faith is in myself and the will to go on comes from the wisdom that life goes on no matter how bad things get. I don’t tell anyone where they’re going when they die because I know just as much as anyone else knows, and that is nothing. One thing I know for sure through it all is that I am a much happier, more comfortable person now than I had ever been.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Plugged in and ready to fall!

That's my motto for this moment in time! I sent Katie that text asking for a response. Does she or does she not have a second boyfriend? Make my day! I've already crashed a car! Let's see how much more damage we can do!

No but seriously, I crashed my mom's car on the way to school today. It's over 10 years old. It's a '98 Ford Escort and I hit someone's hitch going about 10 miles an hour and it smashed my right headlight, my hood, my front bumper, and my right front fender. Fortunately, my grandpa has two other Ford Escorts that he keeps for spare parts in case my sister or I crash our Escorts. So because I did no damage to the other guy, Zach Bradfield, and the car would be total if we turned it in, we're not reporting anything to our insurance companies and we'll act like this never happened and I'll fix my own car.

This is cool.


Monday, September 14, 2009

Been wonderin'

It was brought to my attention a good while ago but today, I thought I'd reiterate the question: Why the fuck is there a band called Thrash Unreal? And why the fuck do they sound like shit powerpop? Do they not realize that their name is a complete and total copy of an Against Me! song title? I mean, "Thrash Unreal" isn't a phrase used in every day conversation. In fact, I don't even know what it means. I just know it's an Against Me! song and that's where I first heard the two words next to each other and then this band came along. Tell you what, don't waste your time listening to them. I swear you've heard it all before and it's lame.

Also, why am I continually being convinced that Katie has another boyfriend? Is it that she keeps changing her status on MySpace to things referring to how much she "loves love" and how she was "going out with the bf <3"? My shit got erased and I don't remember what was written here. But basically...that's shitty and I want some closure. It's all I ask. It'd be nice to ask that she doesn't cheat on me, but maybe that's too much to ask for. (I hate how my shit was deleted because I'm pretty sure I'd written something good here.)

Anyway, let me tell you about September 13, 2009 in the life of Kyle Wagoner. I guess you could say that I "found my faith in God." That's kind of misleading, though. Anywhere, here's what happened. My mom and stepdad are part of the Christian Motorcycle Association (CMA) and the CMA decided to have a church service together on Sunday. So my mom and stepdad went and I had to go with them. This was not at our church. This was at a holy rollers church where people are free to say "Hallelujah," "Amen!" "Praise God!" "Darn' tootin'!" and anything else they can think of proclaiming as they please. The pastor was part of CMA and was up there wearing jeans and a leather vest with his CMA emblem on the back. He's got glasses and white balding hair and holds the mic with both hands most of the time. He didn't say anything other than "God is good. Praise Jesus. We are all blessed." So basically, he said nothing. So then we sang like 20 songs in a row without stopping. The piano player had a mic and she like lead the singing. There was a big ol' prompter with the lyrics on it. Her mic was turned up too loudly. She didn't have a very good vocal range and had to sing falsetto at a rather low note for a woman. The songs also said nothing. "Holy Holy Holy." "God is good. I love God." Shit like that. I was not a fan. Then, to top that off, when we were FINALLY done singing, the pastor gets up and goes, "Those are some deep lyrics." I couldn't help but make a very disagreeing face.

Well then after about an hour and a half, this guy comes out and he's the husband of the pianist. He kind of had rape face, at least at first. No motorcycle vest, but he was wearing jeans, but he announced that wearing them there made him feel uncomfortable. Boy, this guy could speak. He apparently used to be the pastor at Central Assembly of God--that fucking hugeass church that everyone around here seems to somehow go to even though it's like way out of the way of everything. Anyway, this guy starts by saying it's his job to close the service and tie everything together. Well, he didn't have much to work with in tying shit together since no one had really said anything, as I've said. He read from John 6:something or some shit. It was the story of how Jesus went up to pray and told his disciples to wait for him by the ocean and he'd come back. For whatever reason, they got into their boat and then a big ol' storm came, they all were certain they were going to die and called out for Jesus, then he appeared walking on the water and said, "I am here. Do not be afraid," and the storm subsided and they were instantly where they were heading on the shore. This guy does the only thing I enjoy going to church for--he relates happenings in the Bible to actual life. That actually applies to me...applies to everyone. "Jesus is Lord. God is good," are hallow words that mean absolutely nothing. Well this guy is a fuckin' great speaker, as I said. He provides comic relief in the perfect places. He pulls all of this shit out of his ass that perfectly pertains to what his main purpose is somehow. He's trying to sell this house he built and we're in a fucking economic slump and he's having no luck with it. He was talking about how he's got all of this doubt that it'll sell and he's struggling and what was once his gift is now his burden. He said that the disciples in the boat were in their boat--the boat that they'd caught fish in for years and sold for money and the boat that they had millions of stories to tell about--and the storm came and they no longer wanted anything to do with their boat. He said they, at that point, would have been happy to have torn the boat to a million pieces and burn each piece cursing that it had ever existed. He related that to how he'd love to burn his house down. He then said that a plane had gone down near the house. When he first started talking about the plane crash, I thought he was going to talk about the tragedy and tie that in, but he said, "The plane hit a barn a few thousand feet from the house. My wife and I had left for church around the same time it hit. I don't mean it was just close, I mean it was in a straight line heading straight toward the house. Now, I wouldn't wish that tragedy on anyone, but God, YOU COULDA TAKEN THAT SUCKER OUT!" Anyway, case and point here: he was a great speaker.

This is what I came to realize: Jesus is hope. Jesus is love. Jesus is a savior. I believe those things 100%. However, Jesus to me is me. Jesus is hope that a better day will one day come and gives people reason to keep trying in life. I am 17 years old and on my own, I've realized that even when I think my girlfriend may very well be cheating on me with someone else, another day will always come. I do not need the figure of Jesus to keep myself going. I have not been close to killing myself and need to hear, "There is a way out. Jesus Christ." I am my own fucking savior. It's pretty much Satanism by definition, but if that's what it is, then fuck it. That's what I believe. Jesus is good. Without Jesus, many people would not straighten up and would lose themselves. He is in our hearts. He is inside of us. Yes, that is what I fucking said. He is me. I am my own Jesus. It's all in my head. Does that make sense? The whole experience really made me realize this. But you know what? I don't believe anything in the Bible ever happened. I don't believe Jesus is the son of God or fuckin' whatever. I don't even believe in God. I am not going to try to argue that the world and universe was not created because I am not sure that it wasn't. However, I think it's ignorant to claim that I or anyone knows what's going to happen to us when we die or to think that just because someone created the universe, you can talk to him/her/it through telepathy. All in our heads, I think.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

No, I don't deserve this

It has been one hell of a long day...waking up at 4:20 AM, getting on a bus at 5, sleeping on the bus, waking up around 9:45, getting off the bus, running, running, running a race, trying not to shit my pants, running some more, hurting, watching other people run, watching more people run, watching people get awards, packing shit up, getting on a bus, sleeping on the bus, waking up, going to Ryan's to eat, eating, eating, eating, trying to remember the name "Bovice," getting back on the bus, sleeping, having to piss, debating whether or not to piss in a bottle, getting to a rest stop, pissing, feeling better, getting back on the bus again, sleeping on the bus, waking up, getting to school by the time it's dark, getting off the bus, driving to my stepdad's, eating, eating, eating, getting on here, worrying, worrying, worrying, wanting to sleep but worrying, and now I'm just typing this.

It gets to be a little monotonous! I hope Rebekah is feeling better (she went down during her race and went to the emergency room for 3 hours and she usually wins)! And I hope I'm my girlfriend's only boyfriend...and I wish I talked to my girlfriend more often and more in-depth and saw her more often. And I wish I didn't run every day of my life and have no time to do anything else but go to school, eat, and sleep. And I wish I could get into the studio and finish the new I Forget album...and I wish I had some money...and I wish I didn't owe people money and I wish I didn't have to ask my mom for money...and I wish I had more time in my life. I wish I blogged more often. And I wish I could go see more bands more often...and I wish I didn't have to miss school and spend hundreds of dollars to do that. I wish things were like they were in December. December forever.

And all I wanted today was to watch Rebekah kick everyone's ass! That usually isn't that much to ask! This isn't my week, I guess. At least I'm doing well in school.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Rough Draft

Okay, I'm writing my first big essay assignment on losing my religion. Test yours out if you're brave enough.


Saturday, September 5, 2009


I'm gonna make this brief. My life was changed today when I read over this track listing. I mean fuck running my first official 5k race in cross country and finishing wherever the fuck I did on a bad ankle. I did pretty well. But really, that doesn't mean shit. What I'm about to show you involves American Steel covering one of my favorite Alkaline Trio songs on earth. So shut the fuck up. Nothing you have to say is more interesting than that.

Let Them Know: The Story of Youth Brigade and BYO Records

1. "Young Till I Die," Bouncing Souls/originally by 7 Seconds
2. "Headlights...Ditch," Off With Their Heads/originally by Bouncing Souls
3. "No More Lies," NoFX/originally by Battalion of Saints
4. "Misfortune," Youth Brigade/originally by SNFU
5. "S.O.S.," Lagwagon/originally by One Man Army
6. "Believe In Something," Blue Collar Special/originally by Youth Brigade
7. "Future Dreams," The Cute Lepers/originally by Upright Citizens
8. "Domination," Young Governor/originally by Marvelous Mark Youth Youth Youth
9. "Wrecking Crew," Pulley/originally by Adolescents
10. "We're Gonna Fight," Pennywise/originally by 7 Seconds
11. "It's Empty," Filthy Thieving Bastards/originally by One Man Army
12. "Dead and Broken," American Steel/originally by Alkaline Trio
13. "The Ballad Of Johnny X," Johnny Madcap & The Distractions/originally by Bouncing Souls
14. "Little White God," In The Red/originally by Leatherface
15. "Fade Away Shark," Soup/originally by Pegboy
16. "Fight To Unite," Dropkick Murphys/originally by Youth Brigade
17. "Foreign Policy," Wednesday Night Heroes/originally by Stretch Marks
18. "1000 Miles," Anti-Flag/originally by Unseen
19. "Victoria," Complete Control/originally by One Man Army
20. "We're In!" Old Man Markley/originally by Youth Brigade
21. "Keep On," The Ignorant/originally by Hepcat
22. "Piss On You," Subhumans/originally by Personality Crisis
23. "Scratches & Needles," Ch3/originally by Nils
24. "Pill Box," Lower Class Brats/originally by Lower Class Brats
25. "Who Is Who," The Briefs/originally by Adolescents
26. "Hating Every Minute," Krum Bums/originally by Alkaline Trio
27. "In The Night," Ashers/originally by Bad Religion
28. "I Scream," Matt Skiba/originally by The Brigade
29. "All The Way Nothington," originally by One Man Army
30. "Doublewhiskeycokenoice," Leatherface/ originally by Dillinger 4
31. "Sink With California," 7 Seconds/ originally by Youth Brigade

WHAT THE FUCK, RIGHT?! Krum Bums doing Alkaline Trio, Leatherface doing D4, Lagwagon doing One Man Army, Off With Their Heads doing Bouncing Souls?! AHHHH!!! I really don't plan on sleeping until this compilation is in my hands. And saying all of that, I am, of course, leaving out the fact that...well...MATT SKIBA IS ON THE COMP!

I'm more than a little bit stoked. Anywho, I guess it'd be nice if I recapped on running today. Running sucks, for those of you who haven't tried it. It's the worst thing on earth maybe. Don't know about that, but it sucks pretty bad. Don't do it. It's barely worth it. But it's what I do and I somehow find satisfaction from it at the end of the day. Katie was there. However, we did not see each other before she left. FUCK! Ginger was also there. We, thankfully, never saw each other...not that she has any idea who I am. Josh Montoya finished the race and then passed out form heat exhaustion and went to the hospital. That kind of sucks. We stopped at Sheetz on the way home and I bought $11 worth of junk food. Mmmm. I've drunk more than 3 liters of fluids today. Probably over a gallon, really. Most of it being water. Water seems pretty plain to drink casually but when running, it's like a Christ figure. Only more refreshing and rewarding.

Dammit, now I just want to hang out with my girlfriend and listen to American Steel cover Alkaline Trio. You can hear 30-second clips from each song on that comp I need right here.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Welcome to the Dark Side. May I take your jacket?

So I think this is really gonna happen. I'm going to go to Clear Spring on Saturday, drug myself up real good before going, and Katie is going to come to watch me. That seems like a nice circumstance. However, I have been forewarned of Ginger. Ginger apparently does not know that Katie and I are dating and I think if she finds out, she's gonna bite my ear off or something. Katie told me she's crazy and will kill me. I still stand by my shortest blog post of the year when I suggest to Ginger to go suck a dick. But that's fine. I'm excited for Nick and Ginger to meet. I keep saying that if they get into a fight, it'll be like Gandalf the White and Dumbledore going at it.

So let me be completely honest with myself. School isn't so bad. However, getting home, doing essentials, falling asleep, and being up and ready to take on the day at 8 or 9 PM just isn't going to cut it. I used to at least get home around 4, and if I was driving it'd be 3:30, and I could sleep until 5 or 6 and then go on with my day. There's still time to do something at 5 or 6. But 9 PM? I might as well be wasted. At the same time, I don't know what else I'd be doing with my weekday evenings. It'd be nice to go hang out with someone, I guess. At least this is keeping me in good shape. I ran the elliptical today and did 2,167 strides in 35 minutes. The stride length was "26.0." I really have no idea what that indicates. 26 inches a step? See, that doesn't really make sense because a "stride," according to the machine, is two steps. So let me try this math. If one step is 26 inches, then one stride is 52 inches. If I did 2,167 strides, that's 112,684 inches. Or, in other words, 9,390.333 feet. Let me try to figure out what the fuck THAT means in miles and see if this makes sense. A mile is 5,280 feet. I had to have done at least 4 miles, so that doesn't work. How fucking long is a stride, then!? I don't fucking understand this space technology.

I'll keep all of that information for future reference in case I ever REALLY need to know how far I went today. Tomorrow's recycling day. I need to take my recyclables in and I also need my registration and $5 so I can legally park in the parking lot at school. Other than that and having homework every night that I can usually finish in 10 minutes, school is going pretty smoothly. Computer Programming had me a little iffy at first with the way the class was introduced and how most of the kids in the class are super nerds who I thought would be way ahead of me. That's not true, though, because I'm catching on to this shit way faster than any of them. I guess having a MySpace and fucking with its HTML helps. I don't know, but I finished the four assignments assigned to last the whole block in about 5 minutes. Not worried about that shit no more.

Oh, today I was also supposed to go to my dad's, so my mom advised, but I was so fucking worn out that I couldn't. Sorry, dad...I'll be over tomorrow. Today, technically as we've passed midnight. Maybe that's my cue to go to sleep. Pfft. I was supposed to do a study guide and outline my essay tonight. I didn't do either of those things.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Everything in moderation...especially life

A significant event in my event that changed my outlook on a certain subject or object or person or some shit. That's basically the prompt I have to follow for our first real essay in College English. This one, however, is 4-5 pages long. Now I absolutely hate talking music and girls in school for papers. Really do. I feel condescending or something. I read what I wrote yesterday in front of the whole class. I talked about "beating [my] friends to manhood" and about finding that poop under that rock and everything else I mentioned yesterday. I name dropped a few bands I've seen and felt like I was being condescending and stupid saying that. I also named some Alkaline Trio songs. You know, I really hate it when any other kid goes up in front of a class and names bands and songs and lyrics, so why would they not feel the same about me? Then again, they name Nickelback and Buckcherry and their shitty songs, but still. They're thinking "What's a Dillinger Four?" as I keep reading. Oh well, it was from the heart. I liked it. Good essay, I feel.

Anyway, but to not write about girls and music but still write 4-5 pages? That seems like a tough one for me. So I figure I could talk about either the time in my life I lost my religion or the time I quit putting up this past summer. When I had that night of revelation and came here and said "Chill." and that I was not putting up with unnecessary bullshit. And if you ask me, all bullshit is unnecessary except for that that fertilizes fields.

Anyone want to vote? I think the religion one would be fun and I think the teacher would support it since he's real chill and awesome. The other one is kinda yeah. The Broadways sound like Jawbreaker if Brendan Kelly and Chris McCaughan were in Jawbreaker.

EVERYONE I TRY TO TALK TO GOES OFFLINE! I hate this having 3 hours to myself on school days. It's bullshit. I got home at about 5:45, got some food, and fucking crashed. Just went down. You know what I did when school ended? Got my clothes, changed into my shorts and a t-shirt, went to the commons, and was paired up with Nick to go run for 45 fucking minutes. What part of "I have a bad ankle and I should not be running on it" does Coach Phillips not understand? Running on it does NOT make it better! It needs to heal! Once more, I am going to Clear Spring on Saturday and I would love to be able to run then. Ruining my ankle now isn't going to help my case. Right now I'm ranked last of the cross country boys. I fucking hate this bullshit. Let me rest! REST!

Anyway, I digressed, so I crashed at 6 this evening. Then I slept for two hours. Got up at 8 and by that time...well, it was 8. What else needs to be said? Basically what the point here that I didn't start my day until 8 PM. I do hope someone fed and watered those rabbits because I definitely did not. I can barely walk when I come home from cross country. When I woke up, I showered, so I guess that sets back my free time even further. It's just ridiculous. And then I go to bed between 8 PM and 1:30 AM depending on how much sleep I got the day before and on how much homework I have.

Sigh....I've got an assessment to do for psychology. And yeah, my teacher is definitely "Mammaw Sara." 95% sure. I'll take a picture of her from 25 years ago in tomorrow and be like, "Hey. This is you." I hope she doesn't recognize me by some off chance so she thinks I'm like an insane stalker or some shit. But how many Kyle Wagoners does the average person know? I'm willing to bet the answer is less than plural.

Stewart Copeland of The Police wrote the musical scores to the first three Spryo the Dragon video games. What the hell, right? And Elijah Wood does Spyro's voice on the newer games. There's going to be a Spryo the Dragon movie. I bet it'll be lame and little kid-oriented. Fuck, I should sleep.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

First time for everything..

So tonight was the first time I wrote something for school I was happy with. You see, we read this short story called Bullet in the Brain and it's about this guy who works at a bank and is kind of sick of his life and the people around him and his work. Some armed robbers come in the bank and hold everyone up. The guy doesn't feel like putting up with their games and their shit, so he just acts like a smartass to guys with guns. Now the story gets particularly interesting, especially in a classroom setting, as we're reading it out loud and our teacher reads the line that says, "You wanna suck my dick?" narrating the robber to the main character. Also very entertaining as we turn the page and somebody gets the opportunity to say "fuck" twice in school with complete freedom as it's written as part of the story. However, she asks if she has to read that, the teacher says, "No you don't have to," and she declines reading it saying she doesn't like that word and says "eff" and "effin'" instead. Boring. Come on. I'd have said it in the blanks. Anyway, the last part that we mature seniors remember is the part involving the main characters memories, or rather, the memories he does not recall as the bullet is going through his brain. The first memory he does not recall during his life flashing before his eyes is one of his first lover who referred to his "unit" as "Mr. Mole" and said things like, "Where's Mr. Mole? There he is!" Very entertaining. Too bad the class is full of goody goodies.

So anyway, our job as a class was to take the last part of the story, where all of the things he does and does not remember while dying, and write it as if the story were about us, replacing his memories with our own. I actually felt that my memories accurately summed up the important things and feelings of my life. And like the only thing the character in the story remembered, my choice in remembering memory was insignificant to my life as whole, as I recalled the time I found someone's shit under a rock on the side of the road while walking to the top of Seneca Rocks. Gotta go when you gotta go...

So yeah, I thought I'd record for you all here my first time writing something I'm happy with for school. I think I wouldn't mind reading it in front of the class. Maybe I'll even slap it on here if it is well-received! We'll have to wait and see!

I went to bed at 8 PM yesterday and woke up at 7:20 AM. Awesome night of sleep. Almost wish I could do that more often, but I really sacrificed a lot of hours of my day. I ran on my ankle again yesterday, which was a bad idea in retrospect. However, I ran one half a mile in 3:11 once and the second I ran in 3:04 on a bad ankle. I was impressed with myself. However, on the third time, my ankle started to revolt and my need for hydration started catching up with me and I had to start walking or I felt I was going to go down. I hope I cut this shit out by Saturday when I go out to Clear Spring, where Katie is going to try her hardest to come watch. I don't want to look like a puss (pronounced however you'd like it to be) in front of her and everyone else. If she comes and sees me and I see her, it will be our first time seeing each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. And to think we've been together for over a month! July 25th!

I think my pyschology teacher is my sister's grandma, Sara Evans. Like the singer, I keep being told, is how her name is spelled. I'm not sure who the singer Sara Evans is...but alright. I had to do some research today to make sure it's probably her before I asked the teacher, "...Are you Sara? Did you have a dog named Pookie? Do you have an adopted son named Frank? Do you live 2 minutes down the road from me? Do you remember that time I ran to your house when I was 7?" Aighty, I'll leave the blogging world alone and try to sleep now. I love yall. Take care of the kids.