Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My god told me to do this

Brendan Kelly, as you all know is the author of my bible, made a best of/worst of 2008 AD list today. He didn't really tell me to do this, but I feel that a best of/worst of list from Fort Ashby's point of view is just as needed as one from Chicago....not really. But here it goes, no built-up climax or anything.

Best way to piss off your parents:
Riding the bus home to someone's house during a snow storm and not calling your parents to tell them where you are or what you're doing and then fucking around that night. Wooops.

Best band I saw live in '08:
Dillinger Four. Fuck yeah. I'm still wearing the shirt I got from there. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person that wears a D4 shirt while working on a farm. Aside from that, Paddy, Erik, Lane, and their merch guy (Ben?) were fucking cool guys. Billy went to a bar after the show or something. Who does that?

Best band I saw live in '08 (on Youtube):
The Hives. You really don't need to see them live to know what they're going to sound like live. You should hear the Christmas song they did with Cydni Lauper. Best Christmas song written about fucking sisters and mothers goes to that one.

Best shoes of '08:
My Descendents shoes. No description needed.

Biggest let down album of the year:
Apparently bands that I don't listen to put out some pretty shitty albums this year. How about we just say Chinese Democracy and call it fair?

Biggest not let down album of the year:
D4's Civil War was pretty awesome. Weezer's new album has like my favorite song in the world on it. I didn't get any let down albums this year. I know where the shit's at. I even like Good Riddance's live album and I've never found a redeemable quality about them before other than they're pretty DIY.

Worst band of '08:
All Time Low. Hopefully this cancels out their award for best band of '08 by AP fucking Magazine they won. My thoughts and words are as liable as AP's, right? I think so.

Most expensive Christmas present:
My Kawai piano. If someone got something that cost more than $3,200, let me know. That shit is serious. Who needs a car?

Most offensive person of '08:
Probably Nick George or Sarah Silverman. Nah, it was everyone in I Forget for releasing an album. Congratulations, self. Oh, Blag Dahlia probably did something offensive sometime this year since that's his thing.

Most annoying class at Frankfort High School:
The freshman class. Like, I usually have no problem with the new class no matter how old I am or anything, but these kids are ghastly.

Best break-up of '08:
Jimmy and Molly. I never understood that shit anyway. Some things just umm....no.

Best event of '08:
It's a tie between Obama being elected and Twilight's time in theatres expiring. Has that even happened yet?

Best I Forget performance of '08:
I think dressing like cowboys at the Teen Center in Romney was pretty priceless. We probably didn't sound very good, though. Umm...we didn't sound good at the Coke Plant, either. We pretty much just aren't a very good band.

Worst I Forget performance of '08:
The time in Augusta where we got to play for 20 minutes was shitty. I think we actually sounded pretty good that day, too. Oh well. We really sucked at the Augusta County Gym, too. Sorta... Fuck it.

Longest piss:
I think I went to NY this spring. Maybe it was a year ago. Anyway, 45 seconds or so of constant pissing. I remember seeing Ozzy after getting to finally piss. Wax museums don't have bathrooms until like the 4th floor. If that wasn't this year (I'm very sure it wasn't), then it wins longest piss of '07. Fuck, longest of my life.

Worst breath of '08:
Pooty Tat. The cat living in my basement that was supposed to catch the mice. She doesn't catch mice, but her breath still smells. I know, this sounds like a quote from Dickinson novel, but what are you supposed to say about a cat with bad breath? Do they make bad breath food for cats like they do for dogs?

Worst best of/worst of list of '08:
This one. Maybe this just isn't my calling. I don't even feel better having said anything I've said. I told you there was no climax.

love,
Kyle

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