Saturday, August 15, 2009

"I need to shave my ass!"

I guess I should explain this title before people start wondering things about me. So I was reading reviews on Alkaline Trio albums because I know how skeptical people have been with their change of sound over the years and wanted to see some scores and some responses. Well this particular comment I came across was in response to a review of Good Mourning.

"i saw matt skiba walking down hollywood blvd... and he bent over to tie his shoe, and the ass of his pants ripped right in half... you could see his butt cheeks and stuff.... he has the hairiest ass in this universe.... keep rocking king kong... their next album should be called... i need to shave my ass!!"

-Anonymous (unfortunately)

I almost wish we hadn't titled our new album already because that has to be the greatest album title of all time. I'm probably the only person on this earth that thinks that...but the fucking delivery of that comment...I don't even know what their point was. It was fucking hilarious, though. Anyway, since it was on a review of an album (even though that comment had nothing to do with reviewing music), I'll speak my piece on reviewing music and all of that.

Okay, well here's the thing, I think: you cannot rate an album based on a band's prior catalog. I mean, you can, obviously, but really? Say a man is a visual artist. He draws beautiful pictures of birds. Always birds. Perfect pictures of birds. One day he draws a picture of a cat. Now, is that picture any better or worse because it's not a picture of a bird? Fucking NO! It's just not! It is what it goddamn is! New Wave isn't an anarcho punk album. What the fuck are you going to do about it? Kill Tom Gabel? As Brendan Kelly put it when explaining how a new song he wrote ended up with some ska in it (he's not a fan of ska very much, like myself), "Have you ever apologized for a turd?" It is what it goddamn is! I Forget's new album has no ska. Gonna come tear my penis off? Davey Havok writes very melodic vocal parts now, Dillinger Four's recordings are clearer, Propagandhi aren't a pop punk band anymore, Alkaline Trio's music evolved. Are you going to just, for lack of a cheesier way to put it, bomb the music industry? You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you don't hold bands to standards and just take it as it is. Serj from System of a Down was talking years ago how when writing their last albums that he wasn't going to try to outdo Toxicity because there's no point in it. As Brendan Kelly put that, "[Listening to your own records for inspiration is] like eating your poo to get nutrients."

Anyway, yeah, that's why you shouldn't base whether an album stands alone at being good or bad based on previous works. I also wish everyone, myself included, would not like or dislike a band for what genre they're in or whatever. Let me try to explain myself...I don't have any examples, really. But or dislike a band's music for what is there, what it sounds like, what you think of it. Don't like or dislike it because that band belongs to a certain group of other bands that you either like or dislike. Like I hate Mayday Parade because they fit in with All Time Low, BoysLikeGirls, Hit the Lights, yadda yadda yadda. But have I ever actually listened to Mayday Parade? No. The reason for that, however, is because I don't give a shit about scenester bands with cute hair and neon shirts and that's the end of that discussion. But seriously, does that make me right? No. Do I care? No. I have enough good music that I like all sides of that I don't have to worry about making compromises like "Ehh, the music's okay, but they look like they want to get laid." I'm making my points very poorly tonight...

I slept for hours last night! Two, in fact! When I woke up, I went on down to the Canal Place in Cumberland and started running for an hour straight. Nick, Brad, Johnny, and I ran through Martin's. That's a somewhat unique thing to be able to claim, I feel. Anyway, long story short, the cross country team broke off and ran about Cumberland for an hour. Coach Moreland said we probably ran at least 6 miles each. That's kind of awesome. I uhh...after like 45 minutes, everything quit hurting and I quit breathing hard. I wasn't sure if I'd died and left my physical body a few streets back. Runner's high, I guess? It was an awesome feeling. Willie said I'm one of those people.

And today I finished watching all of the Star Wars movies...ending somewhere in the middle of Episode V. See, I caught Episode V on TV the other day but it'd already started, I finished it, watched VI, then I, II, III, IV, and V up to the point I'd seen. So it was a rather strange order to go about it, but hey, got the job done. And you know what I learned from it all? Three things. 1. Being a Jedi Night would be fucking badass. 2. Having a baby might just destroy the balance of the whole universe and cause mass death to planets and nations. And 3. If someone's giving you shit, just cut their arm off!

Okay, so I want a written I Forget interview done and a video interview and for someone to professionally take our picture. I think that's gonna happen. But I'm still putting that on the table. I love you all.


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