The As-Close-to-Famous-as-I'll-Ever-Get Blog

Bandcamp!

2010-05-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

<a href="http://iforget.bandcamp.com/album/we-ride">I Love You (As a Friend) by I Forget</a>

<a href="http://iforget.bandcamp.com/album/everyone-sharts">for.the.$$ [demo] by I Forget</a>

Campin' tonight!

2010-04-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

Been a lonngggggass while since I updated on here! Well that's mostly because everyone has been close in my life and things have been going GREAT! Well, that hasn't changed, but I am quite excited about going camping tonight. Lotta people may be coming. I'm not entirely sure who's staying the night, but I can assure you that someone will not return alive in the morning. I've purposely released starving bears into the forest without telling any of my friends and if they were loyal enough to check my blog every day for updates, they'd see the warning signs right here!!!!

What else? Got two papers to write by Wednesday, so that never changes when I'm writing blogs. One is my introduction page on a 7-8-page paper on why kids should be educated about same-sex unions so they don't grow up being queers. The other is on the development of music during the middle ages. Wanna know about music in the middle ages? 'Kay. Started as religious chants. They were in free-verse, meaning they could basically sing whatever rhythm they felt like. There weren't really pitches written in stone, either. It was kinda just like words people said together at approximately the same time. Then they came up with something called polyphony, which is where there were more than one melodies at once (harmonies, duh). And uhh...most of the monks who wrote the music didn't put their names on it, so we don't know who wrote most of the songs. Also, there were troubadours who were secular and played music on the streets. Now, I have to make everything I just told you into a three-page paper. Hm. Maybe I should change my topic.

I learned this wicked awesome drum fill today. It goes (hi-hat and bass) snare snare snare low tom low tom hi-hat bass, snare snare hi-hat hi-hat hi-hat hi-hat snare snare bass bass high tom snare bass bass snare snare high tom low tom bass bass low tom snare bass (bass and crash). In other words...

And I'm doing track. That's my life as of now.

love,
Kyle

CONFIDENCE: The speech.

2010-03-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

In a society where impressions make all the difference in what you can achieve and where risks need to be taken, confidence is vital. I’m here to stress to you just how vital it is. But before we get into all of that, there are three things I’m going to establish. First, you will understand confidence. Second, you will learn how to obtain confidence. And lastly, I will explain how to use your confidence.

1. Understanding

So what is confidence, you might ask? Well, confidence is getting hired. Confidence is jumping from an airplane. Confidence is performing in front of thousands of people. Confidence is talking to that girl you think is hot. Confidence is taking risks. Confidence is confronting people you have an issue with. Confidence is being comfortable with who you are. Confidence is tearing up your note cards while giving a speech. Confidence can get you further in the world because no one wants to hire or be around someone who is uncertain of his capabilities. No one wants to hire a guy who is afraid to talk to customers. No one wants to date a guy who apologizes for being himself. Confident people stand out. Confident people aren’t shy and they aren’t ashamed of who they are and what they have to offer (Kanter).

Anyone can be confident, too. There are no excuses. As some anonymous person once said, “To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” If Christopher Walken or Willem Dafoe (the Green Goblin from Spider-Man) can become famous with faces like that, then you surely can get through whatever you’re trying to accomplish in life. How about Danny Davito? How about Michael Moore? Drew Carry? Rick Moranis? John Heder from Napoleon Dynamite? Steven Tyler of Aerosmith? If someone as nerdy as Bill Gates can be…Bill Gates, then you have no excuse. Confidence is not who you are, it’s how you envision who you are and how you use your credentials.

On a side note, confidence can also make you seem funny. One method to this, as commonly used by comedian Dane Cook, is to yell everything you say. He simply goes on stage and yells about every day happenings. An example might be, “This morning I put on A BUTTON-UP SHIRT AND BLUE JEANS WITH THE HOLES IN THE KNEES! You know what I like about holes in the knees? I like to think about the POOR LITTLE ASIAN KIDS WHO ARE SITTING IN THE FACTORIES PUTTING HOLES INTO JEANS! AHHHH!!! And then I HAD SOME BREAKFAST!”

2. Obtaining

This is truly the trickiest part of the art of confidence. First, you need to analyze yourself. What are you good at? What are your good qualities? What are your bad qualities? What do you look like? How much money do you have? Not that any of those things matter when you have confidence, but you need to analyze them before you can properly use it. You do not want to show any vulnerability but instead, you want to work with your bad qualities and make them be in your favor. If you’re 5’9 and weigh 350 pounds and you are joking about being a short guy, it’s not going to cut it. It’s a deflection of insecurity about your weight and everyone can see right through it. If you, instead, joke about how you camp out at the bakery, everyone is laughing with you and you’ve just built up your confidence. Maybe you can even get some tattoos of ice cream cones and popcorn to show everyone that you’re okay with who you are.

But I realize not everyone is a 5’9 350 lb man, and there are other situations to be addressed. One way people work on their confidence is through practice and experience. If you have a fear of something, work through it. If you’re afraid of crowds, expose yourself to them more often and your fear will eventually pass. Keep in mind that it’s not the end of the world if you make yourself look stupid and try again. Confidence comes much more naturally to some people than others, but once again, claiming a handicap is not excusable. Work with what you have, emphasize your strong points, play along with your weak points, and don’t fall victim to irrational fear.

3. Using

Now that you have your confidence, you need to learn where and how to use it. As singer/songwriter for the Lawrence Arms, Brendan Kelly, pointed out in his blog, confidence is the driving force behind every advancement made in human history. It’s risk-taking. Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier in a jet plane because of confidence. Abraham Lincoln ended slavery because of confidence. The US Constitution wouldn’t have been written if it were not for confidence. Music would have never evolved if people weren’t confident enough to try something new. Shaun White would have never gotten his snowboard off the ground without confidence. No one would ever get laid if they weren’t confident enough to approach the person they want to sleep with and say, “Hey! I’d love to have sex with you!” And without that, none of us would even exist (Kelly) (Raduga).

Indiana Jones would not have gotten across that invisible bridge in the Last Crusade and gotten the Holy Grail if it wasn’t for confidence! In The Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith’s character, Chris, went to an interview with a shirt covered in paint on and with his confidence, he got the job. The interviewer asked him, “What would you say if a guy walked into an interview without a shirt on and I hired him?” To that, Will Smith replied, “He must’ve had on some really nice pants.” That is confidence at work.

Another thing that Brendan Kelly frequently preaches is that the only thing women find attractive in men is confidence. One might argue that women are attracted to money. No, women are attracted to the confidence that comes with having money. One might argue that women are into guys with good looks. Wrong again. Women are attracted to the confidence that comes with having good looks. Take Nick George as an example as to why good looks isn’t the only important factor. Confidence is missing. So in order to get that girl you want, you must have confidence in yourself. Do not point out when you feel awkward. Don’t bring up things from the past. Don’t ask if you’re doing alright. Instead, know that you’re doing alright. Know that you can get with this girl and make her happy. And really, same thing goes with girls trying to get with guys (though confidence isn’t all guys look for, to be honest) (Kelly).

All of these things boil down to risk-taking. Take risks. Do things that no one has done before. Do things that you have never done before. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger and only one thing in each person’s life will kill them but chances are, taking one risk to move up in the world isn’t going to be that one thing. Be spontaneous. Be reckless if that’s what the situation calls for. If your boss is telling you to work overtime, shoot out his headlights. When he asks if you did it, look him right in the eye and say, “Yes, sir. And if you don’t quit giving me hours after 10, I’m taking a crowbar to your windows.” Chances are you won’t be getting any more late night shifts from that guy.

That last one doesn't count

2010-02-25T20:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I got a "formspring" account thing because it seems interesting. Basically people ask you stuff and you answer them and you have no idea who's asking. Like anyone can ask. It's weird. They've just asked me weird shit so far...

Two-hour delay tomorrow AND Alex's birthday! Happy B-day, bitch!

Talked to my dad about college today...and by "talked to my dad about," I mean "got preached to about," of course. So I wanna go to Potomac State because I'm too much of a puss to run off into the world and go to college at this point and my dad hates that college...so! He tried to tell me how much he hated it...but I didn't really care. And I want a car because I need one for jazz band and track and other things...and I'm not sure I'm getting one right now!

I've been stressing about college and stuff since then, though. My mom isn't stressing it on me too much. My sister is pregnant. My brother may be coming back to public schools. I'm graduating. Life is just full of changes!

love,
Kyle

formspring.me

2010-02-25T15:30:00.001-08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/kylewagoner

How about THIS one?

2010-02-23T20:34:00.001-08:00

So tomorrow is a huge test day for seniors. FUCK! We are testing first, second, and fourth block. That is a total of...4 and a half hours. TESTING! Imagine missing tomorrow and having to find time to make that up! But at least we don't have Miss Dean, eh?

I've really been thinking about things...well, sorta. But anyway, I really don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I really wanna get I Forget up on its feet and out into the world at least a little bit. First step seriously is to get these songs learned (and written) so we can run in and record them and make an album. Marc Phillips has been hashing out (I'm around Mr. Leonard too much...erg) our album cover. The album has been renamed for the third time and is now to be Flannelcore. I'm excited. You don't understand the half of it!

So more news on that coming later. Anddd...I'm sick of dog and cat piss. Anddd...I haven't rewritten my paper yet. Anddd...the new Alkaline Trio album came out today and I need to go buy it!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100223/music_nm/us_pickle That made Yahoo! News. Maybe that means there's enough people out there who know Nickelback are terrible to make an impact.

And there are some Against Me! videos of them playing new songs live out there on Youtube, so if you're liking Against Me!, check those out. And...uhh...yeah, that's about all I have for today. Insightful, huh? Alex is having a birthday this Friday. Happy birthday! I'm uhh...still gonna do stuff with your sister.

love,
Kyle

I wrote a paper!

2010-02-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

So I wrote this paper for College English. It was due over three weeks ago and I wrote it last night. Umm...and I'm gonna have to like completely revise it. Because I use too much of my own opinion! Anyway! Our assignment was to compare two essays and determine which had a stronger claim. So this was how I translated it, which I later found was not entirely correct to do. It's about Facebook.

FACEBOOK ESSAYS: WHY THEY SUCK…
Kyle Wagoner
Kyle Wagoner is a student in a College English class who owns a Facebook page.

Ever since the invention of the internet, people all over the world who previously had no voice have finally found a platform where they can complain about everything and criticize everything that displeases them, pleases them, or even things they could care less about one way or another. Now you don’t have to be an expert on a subject for the world to hear what you think about it. A Youtube comments section is all the further you need to go for proof of this. But I digress…my real point here is that the internet may connect people, but at the same time, it creates a lot of division. And what a better nonsensical debate is there to talk about than the one between networking sites being good, bad, or ugly?

It kind of upset me when I saw that this argument had made it as far as a college textbook when I was assigned to read some pages in my College English class earlier this semester. Here we have a world filled with hate, greed, genocide, war, starvation, tragedy, and countless other environmental and social issues and we’re being assigned to read about two people’s opinions on the subject of Facebook. The sides of the argument are cliché at best. Kurt Soller’s “Facebook: Why I Love It” says he likes connecting with his friends. Sarah Kliff’s “Facebook: Why I Hate It” says Facebook consumes her life. Having a Facebook of my own, I see both of those arguments at least a dozen times a day. I read statuses like, “Should be studying. On Facebook instead.” Or I see where an older friend of mine will meet up with someone they haven’t spoken to in x number of days/months/years and be thrilled to have found them again.

So why do I think both arguments are bad? Well, quite simply, both arguments are pointless. They’re strictly personal opinions. My opinion about Facebook wasn’t shaken an inch while reading either essay. Maybe I’m a little biased since I have one myself and have already been able to develop a personal opinion, but even those who don’t have their own Facebook page probably know the basic concept of it. You sign up, you meet up with your friends, you share what you’re doing or thinking with each other.

Anyway, let’s dig into some examples here. Soller is a staff writer for Newsweek, the essay says. I don’t see why that’s important. How does that make him any more credible than anyone else who owns a Facebook page? Is he or Kliff, who is also a staff writer for Newsweek, a “Facebook opinion expert”? Even if they both were “Facebook opinion experts” due to working at Newsweek, they would still both be equally as credible.

Now, we can look at these essays in a different way: how objective are they? Well Soller thinks that God sent Facebook from to earth as a savior for those who missed the Jesus bandwagon as he says that joining Facebook was one of the three highlights of his senior year in high school right next to graduating and being accepted to college. Kliff, on the other hand, thinks that Facebook is one of Satan’s tools to keep us from living a fulfilling life. I mean, I know I’m kind of exaggerating, but the point here is that there is no grey line. One thinks Facebook is great and cannot be swayed to believe otherwise and won’t consider the other possibility and the one who belongs to the other possibility thinks just the opposite. Soller tries to fight the arguments against Facebook with the history of most inventions initially being looked at with frowns and Kliff fights the arguments against Facebook being good with her opinion of it being filled with pointlessness and mentioning all of her fake friends and meaningless Facebook groups that her friends join.

If I had to make a conclusion from all I just mentioned, I’d say that both writers come out at about being equally as stupid-looking except that Soller pulls from history some examples. That doesn’t cover the fact that he’s flogging a dead horse and arguing that he feels…exactly like half of the people that own a Facebook page. If Newsweek thought this was a good topic to have two of their writers to cover, then I really think that the country does need some new hobbies. Or maybe Newsweek just needs to hire some new writers…or some new directors of telling people what to write about or whatever that position is called. I believe neither essay serves a purpose, but the historical references would make Soller come out on top if you really wanted to make a worthwhile debate out of the two.

love,
Kyle

I deserve a Grammy...or something

2010-02-20T10:36:00.000-08:00

So I Forget played at Tabitha Shoemaker's birthday party last night. Now first off, loading up equipment (all of it, for that matter, including PA and shit) is a pain in the ass when you have to shovel 2 feet of snow across en entire yard to get a clear path from the practice space to a vehicle. It is. No way around that. Secondly, we were kinda like...not prepared to play both practice-wise and equipment-wise. Like our normal guitar has a broken string that Brittney uses and I had no real drum sticks...only Rock Band sticks. I will get to that later.

Okay, so we also didn't have enough cars to take all of our stuff, SO I had to call (and by "call," I mean text) Kylie and say, "Yeah, we need your mom to help us take shit." So Jenise comes and parks in the neighbor's driveway, Brittney and I start walking across the fuckin' shittily shoveled snow-covered yard with tons of equipment. Maybe not "tons," but a lot. Maybe a thousand pounds...probably not that much. Anyway! We carried a quarter of a ton of equipment across the yard and I already had blisters before I left from shoveling. So we get to the venue like an hour later as always and we have to jump through hoops to get the stuff in the door because there's three foot of snow surrounding the sides of the building. Then we set up, I ride with Nick to his house to get another pair of Rock Band drumsticks because I knew mine wouldn't last en entire show. I'll get to that later.

So we're all set up and there's like 20 people there. We start playing with the typical "Get a Clue," "for.the.$$," and "That One Song." One stick snapped halfway through "Get a Clue," another broke in the middle of "for.the.$$" and the last two broke a few seconds into "That One Song." So I had to play an entire show with pieces of drumsticks. I broke a broken drumstick for the first time in my life. It was interesting. I deserve a reward for it. Needless to say, it was a kind of sloppy show. Not many people seemed to care that we were even there...but oh well. We got $50 from it, we got to play basketball, we got to rap, and we got to go have Denny's afterward. A nice Friday evening in spite of everything.

Don't play a show with Rock Band drumsticks. Trust me. Buy Vic Firths or Pro-Mark or something.

love,
Kyle

Revolution! Blah blah blah!

2010-02-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

Wow! I have NO idea what the Japanese thing said in my last comment section other than the blatantly obvious "SEX" written there. Maybe that was the point. Moving on.

So! Tomorrow we return to school after being off for two weeks. I've had a paper due for almost 3 weeks but we haven't had the class to turn it in for that long, SO I continue procrastinating. That is the story of my life, as those of you who follow me on here probably have realized. Hence posting something two or three times a month instead of like...27 times. None of that is either here nor there! Moving on again!

New I Forget album. It's gonna kick nuts. That is a promise. It's been over a year since we last recorded, I think. MAN! It's been almost two years since we put out our last album. THAT kinda sucks. But oh well! This one is gonna be worth it. More information on that to come.

So I've been spending a lot of time at Alex (my fellow blogger) and Kylie's house (Kylie being his younger sister). AND my mom is finally catching on to the fact that I'm not going over just to see Alex, when in fact, he's often not home at all when I go over. She instead has realized that I have been going to visit Kylie. Why is that significant! Well! I'm 18, she's 15, I could get in trouble with the law. So Alex! If anything happens between your sister and I, please don't turn me in. Unless, of course, I do something way out of line, then I fully expect to face the legal consequences, but that's not in my nature. Anyway! That chat with my mom was GREAT.

Also my mom told me that she cannot take Zane anymore and she has had her last straw in trying to teach him at home. SO! Zane Wagoner will be returning to public schools in the near future. Zane, I wish you luck.

New Alkaline Trio album comes out in a few days. It's amazing. I'm gonna buy it. Have I covered that? It's great. I'm getting sick of people saying, "They aren't even trying anymore." I don't even know what that means! Seriously, though. It's worth picking up.

And umm...political stuff.

love,
Kyle

There's a lot of snow out there...

2010-02-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

I got stuck at Alex and Kylie's house with them, Ryan, Echo, and Jade for like...three days. And now I'm stuck with my mom, Zane, and whatever shitty music Zane puts on. Also there are a billion animals here I'm stuck with that I must help care for. The power went out for a day at where I stayed but it apparently lasted for longer here at my mom's and at Brittney's house. I present this as if the people who read my blog don't know what's happening in my life...which is a big reason in why I don't write anymore. I feel like I'm reiterating what the people that read this have lived through with me.

I've had a paper that was due a week ago that I still haven't written because we haven't had that class to turn it in. That's kind of awesome, but it also feeds into my procrastination. I should have been one of those people who didn't realize we had a delay on that Monday morning a week ago and wrote it that night. But I was keeping up with the news and knew we didn't have school. So here I am. Wait, it's actually Tuesday, so it was even longer than a week ago it was due. I assume I'll write it sometime soon because I'm going to get very bored. I watched Forrest Gump last night in lack of things to do. That's actually an awesome movie. I guess I'm kinda late to that party, but I really enjoyed it. Makes me feel like I shouldn't ever waste the time I get in my life.

I really wish there was something in life bothering me so I'd have something good to write about! Damn! How about complacency? I could talk about that. Okay. Complacency. That's when you're satisfied with how your life is going and you quit trying for more. It sucks. Well, it's kind of cool, but it sucks in the big picture. One day you get to a point where you look back and say, "Well shit! I could have been striving for this goal this long ago and instead I just sat there and stared at myself naked!" Or what have you, ya know? I might get complacent and not try in college or something and then one day my circumstances will change and I'll be fucked! It's entirely possible. I'm complacent and sit online all day when I could be out like...improving my physical health or something. Or! I could be doing my homework! Or my senior project or a research paper or something.

Tim says our research paper for British Literature has to be on something in Medieval times. I'd do it on the like..progression of music in that time, but I don't even understand what those terms mean. So maybe that could work to my advantage and I could just make up shit to fill four pages and Mrs. Dean would just think I knew what I was talking about and give me a good grade. I really should get on the ball since by the time we get back in school, it'll be about time to turn all of this shit in. Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffff......

Listen to Refused. They kinda changed my perception on music.

love,
Kyle

I been thinkin' 'bout the future....did I already use this?

2010-01-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

So I need a car. Basically. My mom is getting tired of me driving her car everywhere and like going to Alex's house after school and taking Kylie home and all of that shit. So the solution is to get my own car so I can do whatever the hell I want in it. That includes building Lego castles, table tennis, tweeting about my ingrown toenails, and squirrel-watching. That's a lot of freedom to obtain at one time, but I think I'm mature enough for it being 18 and all.

Anyway, I'm supposed to talk to my dad about getting a new car sometime this weekend. I'm not picky...I just want something that runs, won't break down, and doesn't cost millions of dollars to drive around. My whole thing here is that I'm dirt poor. Did I ever tell you about my new dog, Gretta? There might just be one "t". Anyway, she just came in my room. She's a Westie. That means she's adorable. Wanna see a picture of a Westie? Look it up yourself; I don't feel like posting images.

New Alkaline Trio album leaked. Did I take advantage of that? You bet every nerve of your ass I did. And what do I think of it? I think it's truly excellent. Not much like anything else they've done, really. It's leaps and bounds less overproduced from Agony & Irony. Not that I hated that album, but it really was my least favorite. I kind of worry about getting to that point as a band...where we just kind of lose touch of what is simply great and throw a billion unnecessary loops and sounds and guitars on top of a perfectly good song. So yeah, this new album, This Addiction, is much more simplistic and easier to enjoy. That and the songs are fucking great. One sounds like El Hefe plays trumpet on it and Fat Mike wrote it. That's pretty unique for the ol' Alkaline Trio. Anyway, next topic of talk.

New semester of school is here. I got the college classes first block still. Second block, I have guitar, third I have Algebra III, and fourth I have Civics. Now let me go over how simple the last three classes are for me. First off, I've played guitar for 5 years. I know all of the parts to a guitar. I can read music. That class is just a bunch of stuff I already know. Algebra III, it's a bunch of stuff I did in 8th, 9th, and 10th grade. Bunch of stuff I already know. We started Civics with a blank map of the US and we were to fill in the names of all of the states. The only one I didn't get was Iowa because I couldn't think of its name. So far, a bunch of stuff I already know. That and Mr. Cowgill is a really good teacher, so for everything I don't know, I will quickly understand. However easy this semester looks, I must do my senior project, a research paper for British Literature, and fill out some college forms...like the FAFSA. Did I mention that I'm planning on going to school at Pot State for free and not leaving this place for a while? Yeah, this is the same Kyle talking that was on here a year ago...things change.

But for real, I have I Forget and for now, Dogjaw. This is like finally my break. We've been setting shows up on our own and people have been attending. We have people that come to every show and the number increases with each show. Dogjaw is another band that we can play with that we fit in with well and we get along with well and they're just a good band with great songs! I truly believe we can get people interested in music again around here. The weird part about it is that I think my band is going to be a strong leader in it. I want to be the Ramones of West Virginia. Or the Youth Brigade of Fort Ashby. Just leadin' the way for getting music out there to the kids. Now I hope to get some outside bands to start playing in Fort Ashby, too. That would REALLY help get kids into a range of good music. I wish we could get big bands, but one step at a time...

So music, music, music! School, school, school! Ryan's party tonight! I was up to 5 AM last night. Fuuuuck, right? Well maybe I'll be able to stay up tonight for the party, which is a sleep over. Or MAYBE I'll still be fuckin' tired. Hrmm! I could use some good eatin', so I'm anticipating some for tonight.

I ran from my house to Alex's on Wednesday and my legs still hurt. That's four miles. Thanks to Alex and Kylie for taking care of me when I got there. I might not be here to write this if they hadn't been. Running is brutal. Especially when you don't stretch before or after...which is my own damn fault. I'm ranting now. That was just written for record's sake.

love,
Kyle

Maybe I should just give up

2010-01-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

This decade...fuckin' amazing so far. I've played two shows, the first of which was kind of disastrous sound and performance-wise but a huge success show-wise, I've had a birthday party, I've had some goodass food, I've seen some badass movies, I've spent a whole lot of time with friends, I'm 18 now, I didn't have to go to church this morning. These things, to me, make it a superb couple of weeks. I want to say that January 8-15 was the best week of my life, because it very well may have been.

I also just read that one of the guitarists from the Canadian hardcore band, Fucked Up, starred in the movie Camp Rock II with the Jonas Brothers. Now tell me that's not fucked up! Ha! Get it?!

Show at the high school was a huge success, I think. We played quite well. Dogjaw played quite well. I think the locals are starting to dig the music, which is awesome. I played two shows with the jazz band on Thursday...one at the capital building of West Virginia for a bunch of politicians and the second at Embassy Suits for a bunch of politicians. The show at the Embassy Suits was like a...meeting of some sort to "discuss" Mineral County and try to help it. I said to Nick, "I Forget and Dogjaw are helping Mineral County far more than anyone here can ever do." It kind of made me want to puke. Bullshit politicians.

Speaking of which, I'm a registered voter now. I'm Independent. Woo!

I really have nothing insightful to say. Nothing is bothering me. Nothing to rant about. I'm quite sorry...

love,
Kyle

It's Christmas time again

2009-12-24T23:30:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's Christmas, I'm up at 2:30 AM and no one is up to keep me company. No one but my very faithful blog! Always there for me and never complains when I vent to it! Well blog, I'm sorry, but nothing in particular is bothering me in life! Remember last year at this time? I was writing to you about the only person that I now am not cool with and that is Katie Mullan. Well, I guess I'm not cool with her boyfriend or Ginger Berry, either, but I never did give much of a shit for either of them. That being said, a lot of change has happened in the past year, huh? This is like a landmark for my blog...this whole month of December. I get to December and it's like a checkpoint. If I fuck up now, I can revert to December! That is not true or I'd have done it in February of this year! Trust me, there are so many times I'd have jumped off the stage to go back to the checkpoint of December but that isn't actually how life works.

Anyway, it's Christmas 2009! Why am I talking about 2008?! That year has sailed! Fuck, 2009 has basically sailed! All of the pregnant mothers that want their babies to board the 2009 ship are pushing them out and throwing them onto the deck as it sails away! That is a good image! So did I think 2009 was a good year overall? I honestly could have done without a good chunk of it, but overall, yes. I have matured as a young man! I now have a thick coat of hair on my chest and back. That is not true, thankfully. And I am much happier with the catalogue of bands I've seen this year. I need to work on my catalogue of bands I've shared a stage with, but that will hopefully come in this next year as I graduate high school and move on to adulthood...which technically comes in ten days when I become eighteen. First thing I'm doin' is going to school, but when I get the chance, I'm buying spray paint and going to a strip club. Spray paint them titties!

Christmas, though! It's here! Like it or not! Didn't have a tree at my mom's for the first time ever. Big fuckin' snowstorm kinda ruined that. I may never go to church again. At least not the church here in LaVale. Now that I'm almost 18, I have the option. But there might be one more Sunday with my mom by the time I turn 18. Damn. Almost in the clear! When I'm 18, I'll really do a "Kyle's Life in Review" segment of this blog. I'll review the number of cars and jobs I've had. Those are some big numbers we're talkin'. But though I'm headin' for that adult crash, I know I'm still a minor at heart. And after all, I'm gonna stay young 'till I die. Is that enough '80s hardcore references for you?

I will tell yall 'bout the gifts I receive after I receive them. Thus far, I've gotten $70, a free movie ticket, a hemp long-sleeved shirt, and some other miscellaneous goodies from my aunt Cris. If I'd go to sleep, the rest of my stuff will arrive much sooner. We may be getting up at 4 AM to open presents due to an oncoming freezing rain storm we wish to miss. In that case, I'd get an hour and 14 minutes sleep if I fell asleep this very second. I'll try that.

love,
Kyle

Top 10, Part I

2009-12-24T10:59:00.000-08:00

This is going to take a while and I'm gonna have to come up with more categories and top things, so I'm gonna split it all up into a few posts that will last a couple of days. First and foremost, top 10 albums, I guess. This is going to be difficult.

Propagandhi - Supporting Caste
Dead to Me - African Elephants
American Steel - Dear Friends and Gentle Hearts
Banner Pillot - Collapser
Teenage Bottlerocket - They Came From the Shadows
Cobra Skulls - American Rubicon
Anti-Flag - The People or the Gun
Big D and the Kids Table - Fluent in Stroll
The Lawrence Arms - Buttsweat and Tears
Paint It Black - Amensia and Surrender

Some of those could be switched, but that's a good list of new albums I dug this year. Here's a list of other albums I really dig that I've recently found and that aren't new (at least, I don't think any of them are) OR new albums that didn't make my top 10 simply because I didn't think of them and stuff:

The Creepshow - Sell Your Soul
Billy Talent - Billy Talent II
The Draft - In a Million Pieces
Empire! Empire! (I Was a Lonely Estate) - What It Takes to Move Forward
The Dwarves - The Dwarves Must Die
Dear Landlord - Dream Homes
The Flatliners - Cynics
Weezer - Raditude
Frenzal Rhomb - Forever Malcolm Young
The Get Up Kids - Guilt Show
Smoking Popes - Stay Down
The Living End - Modern Artillery
Millencolin - Kingwood
The Menzingers - Hold On Dodge and A Lesson in the Abuse of Information Technology
One Man Army - Rumors and Headlines
Only Crime - Virulence
Paint It Black - everything they've made
Refused - The Shape of Punk to Come
The Adolescents - The Adolescents
7 Seconds - Take It Back, Take It On, Take It Over!

There has been a lot of new music I've been discovering in the past year, as you can tell. And those are just ones that really stuck out to me. I know I have to be forgetting stuff just when I make that. This was also the year that I saw some awesome bands. Truly. So here's a top ten of best performances I've seen:

Alkaline Trio - flawless performance, great spirits, best set list on earth. Best BAND on earth. AND they're totally the nicest guys ever.
Dillinger Four - for that Baby Batman joke and for being hilarious and fun as shit.
The A.K.A.s (Are Everywhere!) - for Mike Ski and Chachi. Mike Ski is funny as shit and has the most charisma I've ever seen in a singer. He also did some great jumps and Chachi is a fun drummer to watch. The whole band works great together.
Propagandhi - for being Propagandhi and being able to play those songs flawlessly. And also for Dan Yemin from Paint It Black singing "Fuck the Border." I will never forget that.
Paint It Black - for being the best hardcore band on earth and proving it on stage.
No Doubt - for a very well choreographed show and that awesome way of introducing the band members and for that solo the guitarist did on that classical guitar that just sat in the middle of the stage.
blink-182 - for coming back and kicking some ass and being as hilarious as on any album.
Rise Against - for playing a really great setlist regardless of the new songs and for having so much energy. Also for Tim taking me back to Paint It Black when he sang "State of the Union."
Billy Talent - this could be solely for "Red Flag" and "Fallen Leaves." Excellent band. Just as good live.
Saves the Day - totally blew me away with "What Went Wrong." Also, their black bassist was fun to watch, though he and their left-handed drummer very recently quit. Also a great band.

I'm a little biased for some of them, but that Alkaline Trio show blew my mind. Honorable mention goes to Paramore for that guy flipping over top of that other guy while they both had guitars on. Also, Weezer was great. I may have liked Weezer better if Pat Wilson would have drummed more.

And here's a list of my favorite I Forget moments of the year:

Playing the FYE show to 600 or so people.
Playing at a completely packed Warren a few weeks ago.
Trying to record the stutter in "Great Smile."
Bringing Brandon over to rehearse at Jason's.
Writing new songs with lead parts.
Playing at Tuscarora Ruritan and having people mosh to "You Suck."
Playing with The Sheckies and having Andy Social sing "The Monster Mash" with us.
Playing with Freaky J and the Bears and watching them progress.
Playing with The Vankills and laughing and singing "Leave It Alone" with them.
Denny's.

I hope you enjoyed reading this. I'll talk about some movies I enjoyed and shit later. Maybe some all-time favorite moments of the year. Who knows?! If you want to comment, I'll take suggestions!

love,
Kyle

SHIT SHIT SHIT

2009-12-21T12:12:00.000-08:00

Show's canceled. Topic of the day. Postponed, but whatever. It still kinda sucks. It really sucks. Pros-cons list! GO! Starting with cons.

Cons:
-I have been working my ass off trying to make sure this goes smoothly since it was first brought up and now I'm gonna have to work it off some more to make sure it still goes smoothly.
-Joey, our sound guy, will be going back to college after this break and will not be able to supply us with sound when we reschedule it.
-Along with Joey, a lot of people that were going to come see us were going to be home for the holidays from college and will not be able to come out when we reschedule it.

Pros:
-Brittney will be able to get an entire day off and be able to see the whole show. Also, she will have a ride, since her car is snowed in in South Cumberland right now.
-I'll have access to my Christmas presents which will enhance the sound and performance of the show potentially.
-Anyone snowed it will be able to come when it's rescheduled.
-We can possibly get ahold of some more speakers and hopefully find an ample power source for them.
-Both bands will get some more time to rehearse.

So it mostly sucks, but we'll be better prepared. I'd rather have just gone out tomorrow and played raw and unprepared. Those shows are sometimes the best. Anyway, I'm gonna try to go to Alex's later. And I don't have to do that homework yet. And I will have more time to make shirts. Those are good things.

Maybe next time, kids. Christmas in a few days.

love,
Kyle

Christmas has never felt colder

2009-12-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

The year in review is coming up soon. Everyone's doing it. That means album reviews, life choices reviews, all of that other stuff. I'll compare how I feel about myself now to how I felt about myself last year at this time. I've had this blog for like a year now, so I can start doing stuff like that.

This show at the high school is going to be huge. Biggest show the school's ever seen, I promise you. This isn't no fuckin' Apollo/terrible Christian band show. This is fuckin' I Forget/Dogjaw. That's class A. We got security hired, we got a sound guy, we'll have like 6 speakers, giant bass subs, an I Forget banner, merch, micked amps, and lights! Fuckin' lights! We have NEVER had lights! We also are going to have hundreds of people coming to see US. Not coming to get Twilight! Not coming to do some other shit. Hundreds to see US and DOGJAW! That is fucking awesome. I am super stoked. The only thing that could ruin this would be if it snowed. Well, a lot of things could ruin it. Someone could get sick, someone could die, whatever. But I'm worried about snow the worst at this point.

My mom went to LaVale and I opted to stay here instead of getting stuck out there in the snow. I'd much rather get stuck at home. Here I can walk around naked, turn my music up, stay up late, eat whenever I'm hungry, and just all-around do what I want and not worry about Zane being fucking annoying! Tomorrow, I plan on getting stuck feeding all of the animals and not being able to go anywhere. This shit's gonna keep on falling.

Anyway, I'm gonna leave now and reflect on my life up to this point. I've got no real news to present other than I'm stoked for this show and not so stoked for this snow.

love,
Kyle

In other news

2009-12-11T22:34:00.000-08:00

My great grandma, Grandma Warnick, died earlier this week. She was 93. All of her friends had died. She lived at home alone for a long time. She was put in a funeral about a week before she died. She was ready to leave this earth. Who knows where she is now? We will or will not find out one day.

Today was the last day of College English. That meant I had to turn in my final portfolio or else I'd fail the class quite miserably. Grandma Warnick's funeral was today. I missed it to turn in my final portfolio. There is something wrong with the school system. But...that's life. All I did in school today was turn in that portfolio. The teachers are all getting that Christmas-is-almost-here syndrome. I have a hugeass AP Biology test on Monday and I'm going to do poorly on it as always. That's stressful to think about. I sleep in that class too much. Entirely too much. I cannot stay awake through notes, though. It's that room or something. And the tone of peoples' voices when they're trying to explain how things work...I can't stay awake. If people have the tone used in conversation or something, I canNOT sleep. Like if a TV show is on and even if it's something I hate, I usually keep my ears open too much to fall asleep. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

My drums are still at the high school. If I Forget wants to rehearse, they're fucked. I'm fucked, rather. We have a hugeass show coming up. So rehearsal would probably be a good idea, eh? I even bought a ton of supplies for it and I'm ready to make more CDs and t-shirts. Alex even made me that wonderful design that everyone seems to hate. Maybe we should just make it our album cover and still call the album Everyone Sharts. That'd sail smoothly.

Tim said he wants to make a shirt with a huge dick hitting the Twin Towers that says, "We got fucked." THAT is class!

Anyway, I'm still excited about this show. It's gonna be the shits. Kayla and Tabitha are going to change the sign at the bottom of the hill announcing the concert and I Forget and Dogjaw playing. That's like our first marquee. Lots of people coming to this show, too. I knew it would be huge if we had it at the high school.

I can't think of anything else going on. I may be going to see a movie with Kylie tomorrow. And Brittney is busy all weekend, I think. I need to make a huge I Forget banner for the show. I have a lot of shit to do, I guess. I'm gonna get off of here and watch The Office that I missed last night. Oh yeah, I played with the jazz band last night. That was fun.

love,
Kyle

Now I know how Michael Burkett Feels

2009-12-11T21:49:00.000-08:00

Just a forward....this is all taken from a MySpace bulletin I wrote. I have had quite the evening discussing the politics behind a t-shirt design Alex made for I Forget. I thought it was rather harmless and thought more people would understand the lightness I was giving to the subject. Also, the title is from a Kenny Chesney song. Michael Burkett is Fat Mike. I now know why he so often takes the time to explain what he meant by certain things, though I'm sure he, like me, probably meant NOTHING in what he said.

I have been catching a lot of shit for this t-shirt design.

Now the initial responses to this are either a good, hardy laugh, or a gasp and a long lecture about how disappointed they are in me and how inappropriate the shirt is. Why is this? Well, you see planes hitting a tower and you say, "No, I DON'T forget! You assholes!" Well, yeah. That's kind of a really offensive thing to imply. To be completely honest, the design was mostly just a dick thing to say in a sarcastic way. Of course we know it was tragic. No one is denying that. I'm not even implying that I believe it was an inside job, people died for no reason, or whatever. If ANYTHING, it's kind of making fun of ourselves. Okay? But maybe you are too easily offended and need the hidden meaning? Okay, well let's say this. You remember September 11th, 2001? What happened? Two planes hit the Twin Towers in New York City. I'm pretty sure we can all agree on at least that. Also, we can all agree that a lot of people died. Right? So forgetting about that would be kind of ignorant, eh? Okay, that's true. Now let's wonder for a second...what if we're not that heartless and there's something else? Does anyone remember what happened after the tragedy? Anyone? I'm not talking about going to war in the middle east for oil or what have you. I'm talking about that unity that this country found. How all of America came together as one. Didn't we FORGET about that? What happened? Now we're more divided than ever, I think. That is what I Forget.

Or on a lighter level, the design makes an I F in a shadow and if anyone hasn't noticed, that is the initials of I Forget. And I Forget is our band name. Pretty simple, I'd say. Who's gonna cast the first stone? Any suggestions as to how to make that more obvious? Am I un-American now for having a t-shirt design?

love,
Kyle

Little blue ethernet cable

2009-12-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

Some folks don't enjoy the finer things in life. What do I mean by that? It just sounded good at the time. I'm sure I could make it mean something, but I don't REALLY feel like it. I just got word on the release date of the new Alkaline Trio album. "This Addiction" it is called. I'd put it in italics as it SHOULD be, but Blogger is not allowing me right now. Anyhow, February 23rd. That is the day of my salvation. That is when Matt Skiba comes down from heaven(s) (get it? that band he used to be in?) and gives me a wonderful Alkaline Trio album that I've been patiently awaiting for. And if I'm lucky, it will be solid the whole way through. We will keep our fingers crossed.

Christmas is a'comin. Nick's maybe getting himself a girl. How about that? Maybe Matt Skiba really IS coming back to save us all. Apocalypse much? I have lived. Also, it seems to me that most everyone in our little "guild" is succeeding with the women. Will things go wrong for Nick? You bet your ass I'll make sure it does.

In other news, we have a show coming up at the school? What kind of a show, you may ask? Well it involves three women and a rhinocerus. Ponder over that for a little while. After that's through, I Forget and Dogjaw MAY perform. That's a big if for the moment. I'll be there, though. I don't even know what's going to happen with the women. We're just putting them in a cage with a rhino and seeing where it goes.

Jazz band calls. Peace, yo.

love,
Kyle

The end.

2009-12-02T20:47:00.000-08:00

It's finally over. Dude, we're finally landing! Does this really need an introduction? You'll figure this out.

Katie: Idk what the fuck your telling your friends, but I thought me and you were completely fine. You need to get your shit straight and im done with you. Your friendship obviously is pointless when your having nick say shit like that to me.

Kyle: What did Nick say to you?

Katie: "Why did you lead Kyle on like that? Are u aware that you're a bitch? Seriously, can u keep your legs closed long enough to have a meaningful relationship?"

"Or do you fuck any guy you're close to? You're a complete waste of time. You're worthless.”

I would like to know when I became a slut, especially since the whole time we were talking, we never even kissed. And fuck you if your telling him that I have been leading you on. You know I have a boyfriend!

Kyle: He went a little overboard didn’t he? I didn’t tell him to say any of that. He doesn’t really have any idea of what hes talking about. And you never even talk to me much less see me to lead me on.

Katie: Exactly. So tell your friends to go die or fuck off. And im done with you too, so bye.

Kyle: Just a little payback for the shit Ginger would send me and you wouldn’t take responsibility of. That and Im pretty sure you cheated on me and didn’t have the decency to break up with me. AND the countless times we made plans to meet and youd never show or even text me back.

Katie: Lol, go fuck yourself Kyle. You now deserved everything you got. Good luck finding someone. Bye (:

I Don't Deserve This.
by: Kyle Wagoner

"You now deserve everything you got,” she said.
Funny I don't remember getting much at all.
I remember getting a lot of nothing.

Maybe I should back up. It was almost a year ago today.
She came from nowhere. Figuratively and almost literally nowhere.
She was the one to fill the void. The one to make it all worth the wait.
I barely knew her for a month when she died and her past was reborn in her.
Partying every night, drifting from me, losing all contact.

Chance after chance, attempt after attempt.
Fight after resolution, resolution after fight.
I was trying to resurrect my own past in her but it was far from immortal.
I am that guy she liked when she lived here.
I am that smudge of a memory she overlooks.
I am a fun joke from time to time.

And as fast as she was gone, she was back.
Here is my friend again. Not as far away as I remembered.
Two tickets to her favorite concert. What’s the problem with that picture?
Picture myself alone at a Paramore concert. That’s the problem.
I’m not here for the music. I’m here for someone who “couldn’t” make it.
But it’d be such a waste to just not go.

It’s such a waste to keep trying.
I don’t realize it yet. I won’t realize it for another few months.
Until then we meet once. We foolishly start “dating.”
This is the interesting part.
First college. Stripper. College again. United States Navy.
Can someone please tell me I’m not insane?

And that bitch, for a lack of more accurate word, that she keeps so near.
Ginger. A true wretch. Another body full of wasted space.
“She obviously doesn’t want to talk to you,” the wretch reports.
“Kyle, I didn’t tell her to say any of that,” she says.
Chance again.

It lasts another few weeks and I’m “done.”
Sick.of.it.all.
She’s sorry it ended that way. I’m foolish enough to buy it.
She wants to be friends again. She’s got a new man.
He’s not as new as she’d like me to believe.

One last shot.
Plans are made.
I go to town.
She doesn’t answer.
She doesn’t show.
It’s typical and finally clear to me.

“Tell her whatever you want,” I said.
“You’re a complete waste of time. You’re worthless,” Nick says to her.
(If only I’d have trusted his uneducated dose of words 8 months ago.)
“ Your friendship obviously is pointless…” she starts.
“Katie, I didn’t tell him to say any of that,” I say.
A smile in spite of a year of regret. Justice is beautiful.
“I’m done with you, too,” she says. (As if it matters now.)
She was never here anyway. There is no setting.
The only image our eyes share are the words of hate exchanged.

“…you cheated on me…you don’t take responsibility…we made plans to meet…you’d never show.”
No argument. No counterattack. No words of wisdom.
“Good luck finding someone,” she said, “Bye (:”

love,

Kyle

I should really stop this

2009-11-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

I like...so many important things happen in my life between these posts. Like that show at The Warren with a record crowd, that girl Jeannine coming to the show, not talking to me, and then texting me and talking to me on MSN and telling me how much she thinks about me, and...I guess that's about it. I also went Black Friday shopping and Thanksgiving happened. So which of these things should I cover?

Abortions. Sounds good. Well I don't really like talking about abortions or anything like that. People just disagree. I don't even like talking politics. I can enjoy people so much better if I don't know their political stance. Like...oh, he's got really nice parents....but oh, they watch the O'Reily Factor every night. I'm going astray, though. Abortions. I'm going to talk about them. Keep in mind I'm not very politically educated anymore.

Why are abortions bad? Because everyone deserves a chance at life. Everyone. Even that baby that's going to be born without a skull. Can't argue with that. Next.

Why are abortions good? Well, not everyone wants to bring a baby without a skull into the world or they're not capable of giving birth or if they are capable of giving birth, they aren't economically capable of raising a kid. But they are un-American. Because first off, you should be working 3 or 4 jobs to support your family to be a true American. George W Bush said that about a woman once himself. So if you ignore that, well, I guess they are just irresponsible. I don't really think abortions are good. If the guy don't wrap it, that's your problem. Raped? I aint give a shit. Shouldn't have been so slutty. Shoulda carried a knife. There's no excuse for having an abortion. None. I don't want to hear your arguments. This is a freedom you shouldn't have. There should not be the choice to not raise a kid. FUCK ADOPTIONS! RAISE IT YOURSELF, YOU SLUT!

That's all.

Man, that felt good. I think I'm good at this. What else? Gay marriage?! Okay!

The Bible clearly states that queers are to be stoned to death. Allowing two men or two women to get married is completely against the Bible. That's why it should be against the United States federal law to let gays marry. You can't argue against that. Separation of Church and State, you say? I don't know what that is or means.

That's all.

You guys don't even know how much good I'm doing for the world right now. I am taking all of these controversial topics and giving unarguable solutions. This is going to give us so much more time to fight the war on drugs!!! YES!!!! Personal choices = bad!

Much like the guy who found those things about the Mormon religion in the ground in upstate New York (his name was Joseph Smith), I deserve a seat between God and Jesus. BETWEEN! I'll sit on Joseph Smith's lap. He and I both caused so much good to the human race that...well, we're more important than God or Jesus. What? You say you thought I was an Atheist? Well I was. 'Till I learned I was more important than God and Jesus. I can dig that. Also, I want thirty wives. At least. That way I can have unprotected sex, get bitches pregnant, and still not have to fuck a pregnant bitch! And none of them are allowed to get abortions! And who needs gay marriage when you can have thirty wives?! That's right! No one! QUEERS! Stone 'em to death!

I think you all agree.

love,
Kyle

Blah

2009-11-20T19:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a while. I don't know what it is. I just don't feel the drive to get on here. I mean, I check my blogger every day, but I never do anything. I even read Brendan's blog every day. It's like...I don't know. I'm writing right now because no one else is online to talk to. I think I'm addicted to talking to people online. But at least I'm not weird and can't talk to the same people in person. I'm guessing you want a recap of my life lately? Well we have a show coming up on Sunday and I, with the help of friends, made over 100 flyers for the show and put them all over the school and handed them out. That was pretty cool. Most of them stayed up through the school all week long. Hopefully a good many people will attend and the room will be packed!

Last weekend we all went out rollerskating together. It was me, Jim, Tim, Nick, Caleb, Alex the boy, Alex the girl, Kayla, and Tabitha. Good group. Good time, too. When I got back, I had to tell Alex the girl about how depressed I get when I have a good time. I don't know if it's the crash after a high or if I just wish I'd have had a girl to enjoy my time with. I guess that's pathetic. But seriously, I haven't had an actual girlfriend in over two years. I don't think it's that much to ask! I'mma tryin'. Real hard.

Also...what else? We went to some mall in Baltimore yesterday for like 6 or 7 hours before seeing Medieval Times. I bought six CDs. I got the following:

ALL - Allroy's Revenge
ALL - Breaking Things
Alkaline Trio - Goddamnit
The Hives - Veni Vidi Vicious
Living End - Modern Artillery
Smoking Popes - 1991-1998

And for less than $40 I got all of that! I got a pretty good deal there. And I got a Vans hat for $10. I could have bought CDs for that, I'm just now realizing. However, it kept my shitty hair in hiding yesterday and kept my head warm tonight at the football game. And we also saw Paranormal Activity at the mall there. The theatres had 24 different cinemas. Fuckin' awesome, too. Like the one I went to in Myrtle Beach a few years back when I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Fucked up movie, too. Don't really want to get into movie reviews.

Game tonight was a good'un. I really don't know what Katlin thinks of me. I also don't know what Karalee thinks of me. I'm not real sure what many of the freshmen think of me. I took a cowbell and a drumstick to the game, though. That was a lot of fun. I marched with the band and played the samba rhythm I wrote for the quads last year on my cowbell, though. That was fun as well.

I'm hoping to maybe rehearse with I Forget tomorrow and then go to Jim's where Kylie and Gracie may be coming. I don't have anything controversial to say, really. I've been working on this paper with Nick about how 9-11 was an inside job and that's where all my work in controversy goes. After that I just don't give a fuck. It's like...bring on the thoughtless thoughts. That's what I'm all about right now. I feel like I can't maintain all of my friends as I get more. It's like I talk to a certain amount and can't go over it. I don't know if I like that. I'm just being depressing now. Fun night, though. Future's lookin' fun. Show on Sunday. I hope Katlin comes. I hope everyone comes. Should be a good show...

love,
Kyle

Live from Computer Programming

2009-11-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

I finished my test yesterday, so I'm sitting here with nothing to do today. I'd normally just sleep but I'm not tired because I slept first block and taking that AP Biology test woke me up. I do not think I did real well on it. Oh well, it's over. No going back.

So Katlin gave me her number. That's awesome, right? Well like every up in my life, it must be almost immediately followed by a down. So last night, I was informed that she got her phone taken away for texting another senior. Her mom apparently does not want her involved with senior boys. What does this mean for me? Perhaps jail if things get going. Perhaps nothing and things won't be able to get going. What have I got to lose, though? My perfect criminal record? I'll be 18 in two months. She'll be 14 in...like a couple of days. Monday, I believe. And my dad's birthday is tomorrow...and I want to rehearse at his house on that day. Maybe I should ask him tonight if we can rehearse and then get him something so I can give it to him while I'm over there. Everyone's getting older, but some people not fast enough, I suppose.

Talent show is in less than a week now. I'm playing "Time to Waste" and Dogjaw is playing "Calling All Skeletons." Why, you might ask? Because Alkaline Trio are just talent show-worthy. I'm capoing at the second fret for it so the guitar will be tuned to F#. That way when I play the lead part, that F# can sometimes be used as a root note. Also because it allows me to play the piano part on the guitar with ease. So you come out and watch me and see how I pull this off. Winner of the talent show gets to open for Charlie Kenney, who is some local country singer. I would have so much fun with that. I think the winner should open for I Forget, though. I'd be a good opener.

I don't think we're gonna play this powder puff game. I was told that the Fort Ashby Colts are playing. They're like 7 or 8 years old or some shit. That's ridick. I Forget would be so much better. In fact, a lot of people were going to come just to see I Forget. Then again, probably a lot of people are going to go just to see the Colts. Grrr. I've been looking for Miss Morrison all week but haven't even seen her. Then Alex McDonald was supposed to send me her number last night but that never happened, so I don't know what's going on there.

We'll play here at the high school in January, though. That'll be a great show. I'm gonna try to get Freak Scene up here for that one. We're the power trio. The alkaline trio, if you will. I Forget/Dogjaw/Freaky J. Oh, and Unheard Silence just tops it off. I miss those guys.

Have I mentioned recently that I don't know what to do about college? I don't know if I want to leave what I've worked for in the past 5 years behind. I mean, I Forget really is getting to be a decent-sounding band with decent songs. Like seriously, I might listen to them on my own even if I didn't drum for them. I couldn't used to say that. I wouldn't have listened to our first album if another band wrote it. Well, I don't even listen to it now. I think it's mediocre. Many agree with me. At least my bandmates do, except for Brandon. Anyway, so yeah, I might stick around and do something mediocre in college and stay with I Forget. I mean, who cares? I want to tour. If we can start like playing big cities and stuff then who cares where I live or what my day job is? That's an amazing thing. Even if we just play on the weekends, who cares? So we'll see.

Here's a list of some things that keep me sane. Drumming. My friends. The Office. My cats. This blog. Computer games. Now how many of those things would I have to give up when I went to college? I mean seriously, can I not have drums wherever I move to? That sucks. I want my band. Not just any band. My band who I write for and where Brittney and Shane and Brandon play in and we don't have to sit down and show each other every note that needs to be played because they just get it. Music is easy with I Forget. We could get booked as a cover band and never have played any songs togethere before, get up on stage, take requests, and play an entire show just like that. That's how easy music is. I can work with these people. I couldn't ask for more, so why should I leave it behind? I think I'm successful. I mean, I should probably get a job and some income, but I am a very happy person. Honestly, the biggest stress in my life is school work. I mean, mabe like millions of other kids try this logic but seriously, they don't play in pop punk bands from West Virginia. That is a very exclusive thing, I think.

So anyone in local bands out there, let's make a scene again. I'm up for it. It'll give me something to do. If I can play shows enough, I won't even need a job. Seriously. People do it. Sure, it's rough and tough to do, but people do it. It'd at least help, ya know? We'll see. I may just move far away.

I've still got an hour of this class left. I really don't have an hour's worth of stuff to type. I've realized that I don't pay a lot of attention to details in the visual world. At least I don't think I do. I pay attention in music. I decided that when I sing a song in my head, it's a lot more vivid than it is in most people's heads. There are drumfills and bass drum patterns and shit in my head. There are cymbal crashes on beat two in certain songs going on. I'm not just singing words and making guitar noises in my head. So when I see people draw these things that I'd never think of thinking about, I feel a little less bad about it. And when I see people do better in school than me, I know I can write a better song than them. I know I've said that sometime before. I'm very happy with the way I am. At least for now. I mean, I'll have to move out and get a life one day but...eh. I dunno. I'm supposed to try to get a job with my sister at Walmart sometime. I'll see where that goes.

I'd narrate what's going on in here but it's kinda bland. Zack and Matt aren't supposed to be talking because they're taking a test. So that being the condition, there isn't much to laugh at or anything. They're talking about the game tonight, which I fully intend to attend. It shall be cold but I aint curr! I'll dress in ten layers! Michael's talking about how undangerous swine flu is. It's really a normal day in here except instead of me starting at some letters and numbers that don't make much sense, I'm making my own sense. I guess I should maybe go. I can try to get 50 minutes of sleep. They say it's supposed to be 39 degrees at 7 and then drop a degree each hour tonight. I'm ready for it. I need some gloves.

love,
Kyle

Weezer's Raditude: my thoughts.

2009-11-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

As you may have heard, Raditude is the seventh studio album by the band Weezer. Weezer formed in 1992 and was soon widely known for their hit songs such as "Buddy Holly" (a song about looking like the singer Buddy Holly) and "Undone - The Sweater Song" (a song singing about pulling a loose string of a sweater until it comes undone). Their premier and self-titled album, sometimes known as The Blue Album was widely well-received and is a certified triple platinum album. It has become known as one of the highlight albums of the 1990s. Okay. Now that that's established, they've now released a new album 17 years in the future. Somewhere along the lines, Weezer sold out, it would appear. Instead of writing lyrics that are not "lame" such as "you take your car to work; I'll take my board. And when you're out of fuel, I'm still afloat," Weezer are writing about girls, partying, and being a father. Way to be mature, guys. Come on. Who the fuck writes about girls? Are you AC/DC or some shit? No one likes them. No one. Especially the people who give these reviews. God, Rivers. Grow a dick and write about a photograph, about being a rockstar. That's what we want to hear. Not this pussy bullshit.

God. I can't even believe this. The hooks might be some of the best Weezer's ever come up with. The album explores a lot of boundaries of their genre of "geek-rock" and then some. It's completely unheard of to change your sound from album to album or especially song to song. Weezer, hang it up. I give this album a 9/10 stars.

love,
Kyle

This was for school, too

2009-11-01T21:04:00.001-08:00

This was the second part of my assignment. This part wasn't a blog post and I didn't write it just now. I wrote it like an hour ago. It's a letter to Satan. I think it's pretty good.

HC 86 BOX 17B
Springfield, WV 26763Mr. Lucifer “Satan” Beelzebub
Founder/Owner, Hell
666 The Underworld
Detriot, Michigan 48201

Dear Mr. Satan:

Last night you allowed me to make an ass of myself in front of all of my friends. You should know more than most that I am a huge and very devout fan of yours. I spend many days of my life preaching about how I don’t believe that Jesus ever existed and how life after death is a made up fictional fairytale to keep people doing good in the world. For just once, I wanted to show my friends how wonderful and mighty and graceful you are and how much of a fraud “God” is. And what did you do? You did nothing.

I hereby wish to break all ties with you. I am through attending your church. The pastor did a subpar job anyway. I am not going to send my children to your church, either. I am going to find my own church. I think I will call it the Reformed Church of Satan. Yes, I think that is a great idea. I am going to fund the church by setting up false charities because I know that works really well.

Also it was really cold last night. Satan, we can still be friends if you just come back to me. I needed somebody to keep me warm last night but all I had was Timmy. Timmy does not radiate the flames of hell. It just isn’t the same. Please write back. I have enclosed all my loving to you. Sorry this letter wasn’t as formal as I intended for it to be. My innermost feelings for you get the best of me sometimes.

Love,

Kyle Wagoner

P.S. Thanks again for the musical abilities. It means the world to me.

This one's for school

2009-11-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

I have an assignment where I have to write about an event in my life through two different genres of writing. So one genre is going to be a blog post which I'm going to write here and a second and the other I will figure out later. Now I just have to think of something that happened to me. I'm omitting this paragraph. I'll write about last night, I guess.

So yesterday was Halloween. Halloween is always one of those holidays I look forward to and then completely miss when it arrives. I spent 1 PM to 7 PM in my basement playing music by myself. It was mostly my computer playing through the PA (which almost caught on fire today) and me drumming along and then maybe an hour of me singing and playing some guitar. That's what a self-productive day to me is. Some people call a self-productive day a day when they clean their house, pay their bills, make phones calls, what have you, but my definition is a day spent playing music by myself.

Anyway, about Halloween. I did not dress up. I did not go Trick-or-Treating. I didn't even get those voicemail messages Nick sent me asking me to come candy-hunting until I was on my way to Tim's party about 15 minutes after it started. My dad came into the basement around 7 telling me it was 7 and that if I wanted to go, I should be getting my shit together. So that's what I did. I went upstairs and threw a button-up shirt on. That was my costume. I said I was "the guy that was not ready for Halloween" for Halloween. Oh well. Off to Tim's house.

So I get there and everyone is in the basement and guess what! It's yet another sausage fest! We have had pure sausage fest parties for probably the past 6 months in our friends group. No girls can ever make it. Ever. Alex, the girl, couldn't even come because she was in a car crash the night before. So there I was with a bunch of guys as they were watching...30 Days of Night? I can't remember what order movies were watched in. We watched that, 28 Weeks Later, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The latter (if you can even use the word "latter" in cases of there being three things listed) was a terrible movie. I got up in the middle of it and said, "This is fucking stupid. I cannot watch this." Jessica Biel's body drew me back in later. So that's Halloween for me. That and an Oojie board. No bags, no doorsteps, no dressing up, no hayrides, no girls, even. Just me, my friends, too many movies, and an Oojie board. Oh, and Jessica Biel fantasies, I guess. Still a stupid movie.

About that Oojie board. Caleb wouldn't let us "use" it in the house. Can anything bought at KB Toys be worthy of spiritual intervention? No. I don't really believe in all that anyway. So we "used" it outside in the rain on the hood of Timmy's car. I summoned Satan and asked that he bless us with his presence and sleep with me that night. I got no such satisfaction. Surprise. Still a really fun time no matter how I make it out to sound. There's nothing wrong with those aspects of a night. Oh, and we talked about how hot Nick's sister is. That's a good night.

love,
Kyle

Call the doctor! This one ain't goin' away anytime soon!

2009-10-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

So I downloaded some Toys That Kill that I didn't used to have. My respect for them has grown so much after hearing some of these songs just once. Had no idea they could be this outright poppy. That Don't Take My Clone 7" is like the best compilation of two songs I've ever heard possibly. Goddamn! You are just going to have to take my word for it because you are not going to be able to go find it yourself to listen to. It's given me a massive erection.

I promised Gracie that I'd come sit with her at lunch tomorrow and talk to Katlin, since I've been so negligent to doing that in the past few weeks. FUCK THIS TOYS THAT KILL! It is AMAZING! I don't even want to write music anymore! It's like they write in a completely different style on LPs as they do EPs. Anyway, Katlin is also important! Freshmen, though, man. Few dare to tread on that ground. I don't know if it's going to be a huge mistake or not yet. Gracie and Kylie have been good wingwomen, though by telling Katlin that I'm not a freak or anything like that. Thanks, guys. I still come off as one, though, I'm sure.

Though.

I wrote a paper yesterday for 7 hours straight. Now that is a good reason why not to post a blog, eh? I was about fucking done with writing yesterday. SEVEN MOTHERFUCKING HOURS! I wrote on my gay aunt. I'll post it here sometime, I assume. It was pretty good, I felt. However, I also felt the interview transcript was more interesting than the paper itself because my aunt rambling explained the issues a lot better than me cutting out parts of her quotes and trying to back up other statements with references. It was also a lot more personable. It was also about 20 pages double-spaced. She obviously had a lot to say and there was a lot to be covered that I simply could not do in a shorter-lengthed paper.

That fill that starts off "for.the.$$" is in a lot of songs, I'm finding out. Like right at the beginning of them, too. I found it in a Paint It Black song, a Motion City Soundtrack song, and just heard it again in one of these new Toys That Kill songs tonight. You have to realize that the music to "for.the.$$" was written with Dillinger Four and Toys That Kill in mind, though. And the fill is really fucking simple. Snare-bass-snare-bass-bass-snare-snare. Didn't exactly take a lot of thought to come up with, so it's not wonder it's been used a lot. I'm covering up the fact that I am and always will be completely unoriginal.

Possibility that I Forget can rehearse Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday this week. We have been rehearsing regularly and it's the weirdest thing. We have never been known to do that. I don't know, maybe we did like 4 years ago. We're gonna rock some testicles off some bodies. This song we've been working on sounds like Goddamnit-era Alkaline Trio and it is wonderful. Then, of course, we have "Bless My Soul" in the works. Rumor has it these songs might make the cut for our new album. We'll just have to play it out.

And ummm....I guess that's all that exists in my world right now. I have haters but they don't know what they're talking about, so I'm okay with it. Seriously, there will never be world peace with people hating for the sake of having someone to hate. So what if my hair looks bad some days? So what if you think I'm going to hell? Love me, you assholes.

love,
Kyle

This is like an all time low. HA!

2009-10-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I've been horrible with this blog this month. Four posts prior to this one this month! Month's almost over, too! Well my excuse is that my computer had a virus this week and I had to completely restart it AGAIN so that took up a good bit of time. Then I missed the Office and have been rehearsing with my band so the time I'd have to be on here I've been rehearsing or catching up on missed episodes of my favorite shows online since I don't have TV. That and I completely forget to get on here until like it's real late at night and I should just be going to sleep.

So today my goals are to interview my aunt about being gay in West Virginia and how she has to act around the homophobes and shit and what it was like growing up and how she felt and was treated and how she was different from the other kids and things like that. She's already answered some of my questions online and her answers are very, very intriguing. I kind of went into it assuming she'd already told me all of the information I'd ask for but I'm learning a lot.

I have the new Weezer album that isn't even out yet. I think they're trying to sell out. There is some poppy stuff on there. Pretty much every track could be a single. Lil Wayne sings on one song. One song was written with two guys from All-American Rejects. You know, stuff the kids are gonna love. I love some of them, that's for sure. Pat Wilson wrote one called "In the Mall." It's about being in the mall. "The Girl Got Hot" is awesome. "(If You're Wondering if I Want You To) I Want You To" is still one of the best Weezer songs I've ever heard. I want to see what the critics are gonna say. More importantly, I want to see what the kids at punknews.org are gonna say. I'm anticipating widespread hate. Like "Rivers, give it up. Quit trying to write hip music." I don't know if they realize this, but Rivers Cuomo is amazing and nothing will change that. Except maybe a lobotomy.

New Lawrence Arms EP this week. Who's getting it?! I am! If I can. If not, I'll get it offline somewhere. Like a bad kid. You find lots of good shit out there. You can find just about anything, too. Just go to Google and type "[ALBUM/BAND NAME HERE] mediafire" or "[ALBUM/BAND NAME HERE] download blogspot" and you'll probably find a place to download it somewhere. I can't find a certain Groovie Ghoulies album I'm after, however. It's the one with "Beast With Five Hands" on it. I really want that shit. They were a good band. Horror pop punk. I Forget is kind of doing that a little with the new songs we've been writing.

What else is new in my life? Umm...the powderpuff game we were supposed to play and wasn't supposed to be canceled no matter what was canceled yesterday. On a Saturday they called off a school event. They called everyone's house and left a generated message. I was not pleased. And I posted on my Facebook status that I was not pleased and then someone fucking TATTLED on me. We're in high school. Not grade school. And someone tells on me. I said that I was not thankful that someone was put in charge of the game to call it off. Having Miss Morrison tell me it would not be canceled, I was assuming someone else was the one who called it off. Well a certain person/certain people read that as "Kyle Wagoner hates Miss Morrison" and went and told her that. So then Josh Hanson comments my status saying "Well you can get playing at all saying things like that when it's rescheduled." And I was like "I'll burn in your hell and deal with it. Get your panties out of a knot." And he's like, "I don't care about your religion. I'm talking about what you said to Miss Morrison." And I was like, "I didn't say shit." and this went on for a while. But someone told her some shit. So now, I have to go into school and find her and tell her what happened and explain to a fucking TEACHER that I do not hate her. 4th grade again. Swear to god. Only I never had to deal with this even back then.

That's my bullshit story for the week. Isn't that just bullshit? So we didn't get to play. Sucked. It was supposed to be a great Saturday but it was just okay in the end. Friday was pretty cool, though, because I Forget rehearsed. We've been doing pretty good at that. Rehearsing with Brandon is awesome. Having a second guitarist is awesome. I never realized how many windows it'd open in writing songs. We're going to start sounding more and more like a full-sounding band. We have harmonizing guitar parts now, we can have complicated parts and Brittney can still sing at the same time, we can have solos over top of chords now. It's pretty awesome. And the best part is that neither is lead or rhythm. They share.

So that's pretty cool of I Forget. We're gonna try to finish up some new songs so we can get them on this upcoming album since we have so much time. We'll probably be playing at the powderpuff game when it's rescheduled if Miss Morrison isn't convinced I hater her and can't be convinced the opposite. We'll be playing at The Warren on November 22nd. We want to be interviewed by Tiffany Mason or someone she gives us and we'd get video footage of it probably. We also want new band pictures. Excitement!

Okay and I need to get some shit done but first I'm gonna take a nap. So enjoy your day. Maybe I'll come visit later. Or maybe I'll catch fire. I'm just a sleepyhead right now and someone need to tuck me in. I think that's enough Alkaline Trio song names for one paragraph. All of these bad attempts are making me cringe. Someone help me.

Sorry about that.

love,
Kyle

Like a computer crash that never hits the ground...

2009-10-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

Yeah, computer crashed. Lost all of my music files. All 5,800 songs or so. All of my programs. All of my school files. No more Microsoft Office. No more Photoshop. No more SHIT. That made Saturday really lame. Going through another day of plans not working out with Katie also made it a bad day. But she lives here now, so hey, whatever, right?

WRONG.

So Friday night was Mario Kart Night. Can't remember the last time we had one of those. I only drank one Dr. Pepper that night. Do you know how much I hate soda? All I have in this house is soda and tap water right now. I. hate. soda. Smells like NOT OK soda. FUCK IT. We have fuckin' Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper or whatever it's called. "It's obnoxiously smooth" or some slogan like that. Lame. Tastes like horse shit liquefied.

So all I've been doing since my computer crashed is the only thing I thought reasonable: download everything I lost. I'm downloading a lot of it illegally. Why, you might ask? Well, I got a lot of it legally at one point and then lost it, that's why. So I don't feel too bad. That and I'm downloading entire albums at a time, so like...it's a lot more organized. I'm making sure everything I put on this computer has album art to go with it now. Not gonna be unorganized like before. Also, I'm only going to put on music that I listen to. And I'm going to only put entire albums and not just random songs from here and there. I always hate it when people only have one song from something, so I shouldn't be one of those guys. Like when you find an iPod on a trail somewhere and most of the stuff on it is shit and then you find some bands that you can tolerate and the only thing they have is "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and then you are glad that person lost their iPod because they've proven to not deserve to listen to music.

Speaking of music, after a long, long discussion and quarrel with phones and such today, I Forget finally rehearsed. And! my drum set is once again in my basement at my dad's. Whole thing. Right there. For my playing pleasure. Oh life is good. So we rehearsed with Brandon for the first time. Umm...we need to get approved for the Powder Puff Football game this Saturday. I am thinking about asking Miss Morrison if it'd be alright that I just bring in a guitar and sing her the songs and the lyrics. That's a challenge for me, seeing as the songs we've picked to play are kind of bad for lyrics. How do you rephrase "She doesn't go to the Warped Tour 'cause she says she's not a corporate whore and Fat Mike is a fucking cunt" without anything that could be coined as "inappropriate"? I'll have to figure it out very quickly. Bustin' my balls here!

Got a blister playing drums today. Doesn't surprise me a bit. I can't remember the last time I really played the drums. Brittney and Shane couldn't remember the last time they played their instruments, either. The last time for any of us was probably the last rehearsal like a month ago. That's a longass time. Nick interviewed us after we rehearsed. We wished he'd had a tape recorder because our answers to his questions were very extensive. When he writes it up, I'd like to put it up somewhere for the world to see. He asked us about our struggles as a pop punk band trying to make it in West by-God Virginia.

What would I do without I Forget? That wasn't one of the questions, but that's what I asked myself in the final statements. I Forget is, as I said, like the girlfriend you've been dating for 12 years and if she were to ever break up with you, you'd just want to die. Or, as Shane said, you'd want to rape her and kill her. That's always a more enjoyable alternative with a lot better closure. Makes it easier to get over someone if they've been raped and killed.

I got straight A's on my report card. Have I reported that? I did. I did a great job. However, Rod won't quit asking me about colleges. I told him today, as he was showing me brochures to different colleges he'd collected at College Night the other night, that I wanted to go to college for Audio Engineering and that the guy from Marshall that I talked to agreed with me when I said that there probably are none in the state. So Rod tells me that one college had something similar to that. Did I not go over this in my last post? I said, "I don't want 'something similar.' That sounds like you're cheating yourself out of what you want." And it does. "Something similar." "You ordered the...Triple Whopper? Well here's the deal: we didn't make that...but here's something similar. It's a Chicken Patty." No. Fuck you. Give me the fucking Triple Whopper like I want. Who gives a fuck if my Triple Whopper costs a little more? It's what I fucking want. And no, I'm still a vegetarian, it was just an example. Bringing me to my next thing to mention!

So my dad ordered me Chinese the other night. I was happy. I love Chinese food. Well that tofu did not look like General Tso's tofu to me. Looked like fuckin' General Tso's chicken. I was skeptical. I put it in a nice plate and took it out to the couch. I put a piece of it in my mouth, started chewing it and took it out of my mouth. "I really don't think this is tofu." Upon my dad and Rod's inspections, it was determined that they did, in fact, get the order wrong. "Well this isn't General Tso's tofu, but it's something similar." Yeah, and it could have made me both sick and break vegetarianism. Thanks, asshole. That's why you don't fucking settle!

I gave blood, motherfucker!

love,
Kyle

difFUCKult

2009-10-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

I really need to respect my friend here, Bloggy. That's his name, after all. Right? Oh, Bloggy, you listen to so much shit. But to be honest with you, Bloggy, you don't get the worst of it. In fact, I am not what I claim to be with you. I claim to be someone who would never censor himself...but the fact of the matter is that everything I tell you...well, you aren't a very good secret-keeper. So I can't tell you everything. I censor myself for you. I don't tell you about all of my sexual excursions and shit. I don't tell you when certain people do things that the public would not like. For obvious reasons, I guess. Sorry, Bloggy, but you will never know everything I know. You're just a silly computer, after all.

Bloggy, Katie's parents got in a fight today. How about that? So you know what happened instead of her coming out here? Well they couldn't decide who was gonna get her or who she was going to stay with, so everybody lost. I know, right?! Fight like 3rd graders! Yeah, I know. The haters are gonna be like, "Ha. I knew she wouldn't come see you. It's an excuse." What?! You knew this would happen? Fuck you, you aren't supposed to have opinions. You are unbiased! FUCK OFF!

Well guys, I'm now going to ignore Bloggy because he cannot be trusted. Who's to say this will even be posted with the same words as I typed? Bloggy could turn on me and make up shit and try to sabotage my reputation. Then again, I'm the one talking to my blog and giving it a pet name...

Yes, I have the last cross country race of the season and of my high school life tomorrow in Berkeley Springs. Glad you remembered. Did you bring me a present? Oh well, I'm cheap, too. And yes, my hip still hurts. I will probably hate my life when it's over and regret running for a little while but when the year is over, I will be glad I ran that last race instead of not cherishing the race at Keyser as my last. I kind of regret not cherishing my last performance with the marching band, but I had no way of knowing it was my last at the time...

Anyway, wish me luck there. Wish me luck with Katlin since I've been told she thinks I'm weird. Wish me luck with seeing Katie since she couldn't come out today and she's gonna try for this weekend. Wish me luck with this flannel shrinking so it'll fit me. Fuckin' Gabes had sizes L-4XL but nothing else. They have things I want sometimes but never in my size. Today they had a Vandals shirt. The fucking Vandals. It was a kind of dumb shirt, but it's the Vandals! It was too big...and the Operation Ivy shirt I got from there is like XS if that's a size.

Adam is dating Gracie now! Finally one of my friends is accomplishing something relationship-wise. Adam isn't really one of "the crew," though. Tim, Jim, Nick, Alex, and Caleb need to get into the game. Fuck, so do I.

This one Paint It Black song..."Memorial Day." Yeah, it's basically half Paint It Black and half The Loved Ones since Dave Hause, who was a member of PIB back then, sings the second half and it's all vocally melodical (which is something PIB like never features with Dan). I don't really like The Loved Ones that much. Is that a sin? I don't care that much for Good Riddance, either. They broke up, though. Pulley is breaking up. How about that? The Matches broke up and so did Piebald. Such a shame! I need to see another punk show. This is the part of each blog that no one cares about reading...The guy in The Menzingers can sound very scene at times. You should check them out if you haven't. That means you should check them out.

There's this country song that I used to hear and it would say "Did I shave my legs for this?" and that might even be what it's called. But like...country songs generally are about stupid things like having Christmas lights up all year around or whatever, but as ridiculous of a question that sounds like, I understand it and have actually reverted to that thought multiple times before in my life. Not my legs, though. More like did I shave my balls for this? The song is, of course, talking about going on a date and the date being a disaster. I mean, the balls thing I guess was kind of inappropriate, but you can generalize it to feeling like a day was completely wasted and you got so excited and so dressed up and prettied for it. That's what happened to me this morning...I was anticipating a nice, long, happy day with Katie Mullan but noooooooo. Shit happens. Too much.

I need to try to sleep tonight. I slept all day, so we'll see how that goes. I fixed the mic on my computer, so I may try to record things again at some point. That's excited, I guess, right? Have you heard my solo music? Go here and hear it if you want. myspace.com/theexpletiveband

It's all sappy sometimes...

love,
Kyle

Just for future reference and documentation

2009-10-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

I know I don't really write with a moral much anymore, but life this week has been very eventful. I made that to-do list with 19 things on it and I'm down to 7. The worst of them are out of the way, I think.

Anyway, that's beside the point right now. I'm here to document what happened yesterday at lunch considering Katlin. Here's how I tell it to people:

So I go to sit down at my table during lunch and everyone's like "You're going to talk to her today!" and I'm like, "Oookay, I guess I will" and they're like "YOU WILL DO IT!" So I was just trying to eat my food...and they were saying I wasn't going to do it, so they call Alonzo, who is the most outgoing person I've ever met, over to psyche me up and be my wingman. Crazy nigga. Alonzo wants to know who we're dealing with, so they try to point her out to Alonzo but he doesn't see who they're pointing at, so Nick goes over to her table, points her RIGHT in her face and screams "IT'S THIS ONE! RIGHT HERE!"

Though it was very awkward and embarrassing, it was easily one of the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. It, of course, draws a lot of attention. Mr. Riley started watching us. Then Alonzo went and talked to her, came back, and then everyone starts clapping for me trying to pump me up to go talk to her or some shit and Mr. Riley yells at them to stop it. Then Katlin gets up and goes to the bathroom. When she came back, she sat at the end of her table. Well Alonzo puts his arm around me and he's like, "Here we go," and we slowly walk over to her table and Mr. Riley is like "What are you up to?"and he sees that I'm like freaking out. So Mr. Riley, our fucking VICE PRINCIPAL, starts rubbing my shoulders, telling me it's going to be okay or some shit. How do you follow that up with casual conversation? You don't. Unless you're Alonzo, who then asks everyone to introduce themselves. He gets to Katlin and he's like, "Can I call you Kate?" "Yes." "Can he (me) call you Kate?" "Yes." Then he asks her where she lives and shit and AHHHH!!! Then he told me I suck at that and got up and left and sat back at my table where all of my friends watched with huge eyes. Tim Day then asked me if I wanted his seat, directly across the table from Katlin, and I said I guessed so. (Sorry for all of these tense shifts.) So she's like, "Thankss, Tim," which made me feel bad...so I apologized for the awkwardness and everything. I didn't say very much...I kind of choked, but I really didn't know how to casually talk to her when half of the lunch room was watching me including the vice principal and guidance counselor and I had my entire lunch table like waving their arms at me and staring and patting me on the back as they walked by to go the bathroom...

Anyway, that was weird. Karalee also printed off the conversation I'd had with her the night before on Facebook and let like all of her friends and Katlin read it and it was a conversation regarding Katlin. Someone wrote "Kyle Wagoner <3 Katlin Wilson" on the top of the paper. That's what I get for dealing with freshmen, I guess...

Katie Mullan...is coming here next Monday. She apologized for being a poor/bad/shitty/horrible girlfriend, however you want to look at it. She manned up and said everything I wish she'd say and I was so happy...so we're gonna hang out all next week if all works out. You see where this gets complicated?

Got a cell phone charger today since I lost mine. Got minutes for my phone since I only had 67 left and they were all going to expire tomorrow. Now I have 527. That's good news. My group presents its skit in Psychology tomorrow. I audition for the Dinner Theatre singing "(Ghost) Riders in the Sky" by Johnny Cash. So even though most of my worries are gone, I still have a couple for tomorrow to overcome. After this week, I am just going to CHILL.

Hey, thanks to everyone trying to support me through all of this insane shit!

love,
Kyle

Nick....what am I gonna do widja?

2009-10-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

I guess I'll formally announce that I'm looking into a certain girl, you could say. Freshman girl. Her name is Katlin. Uhh...I don't really know much about her other than what Kylie, Alex Grabenstein's sister, has told me. However, I decided that I want to meet her and talk to her. Well today at lunch, my friends, Alex, Nick, Caleb, and Timmy, found out which girl I was talking about and Nick thought it'd be a great idea to talk to her. I begged to differ, but he, for once, did not put up with Alex, Tim, and Caleb calling him a pussy and got up and talked to her. This made me feel very awkward, as everything pertaining to this girl has been for me so far. It was awkward asking Kylie about her, awkward asking Karalee about her, awkward telling my friends about her since I've never met her. As I keep saying, I just call it curiosity at this point. She kind of looks like the kind of girl I'd be interested in, though. She's skinny and taller than me. Been there before, eh?

Anyway, so here's how lunch went today. Nick went over to her table, leaned across it, shook her hand, and introduced himself, then said something like, "I...I'll be back," and then went to the bathroom. When he came out of the bathroom, he sat down right next to her and went over his prepared speech that he probably came up with in the bathroom. "So here's the deal. You see, my friend Kyle. Kyle Wagoner. You see him sitting over there? He's too shy to talk to you, but he's a great guy and you should totally get to know him." Something like that he ranted off. Now remember, Nick is the one who is known for not being able to girls at all. How could he find the balls for this and I couldn't? Well maybe it's that he's cruel and thought it was hilarious and had nothing to lose. I don't know if I appreciate this or not.

Last night, I tried talking to Karalee about Katlin because I was told that they are good friends. Well before I could ask my question, Karalee went offline. So today, she got on Facebook and says "what." "What what?" I ask. She asked me what I wanted to ask yesterday, I told her I didn't remember now, which was true...I didn't remember what exactly I had in mind to ask her. She said "I bet it has to do with Katlin?" "Yeah?" She then demanded that I tell her what I wanted. It kind of scared me. So Karalee ended up saying that it's too late to not come off as being weird and that she was going to print off our conversation, give it to Katlin, and tell her to talk to me during lunch tomorrow. I don't know if I appreciate this or not.

This shit is getting to be a big deal and I can't just go back now. Things have been initiated. Other big deals in my life include doing my SATs, having a skit in Psychology to present tomorrow, having a huge AP Biology test tomorrow, having two tests to take in British Literature on Wednesday, finding my phone charger and buying minutes before my phone expires in like two days, finding more time to drum, and tons of other things. I made a to-do list, which is very unlike me. It's helped. So far, I've written the papers I needed to write, recycled, and learned to play "(Ghost) Riders in the Sky." That's good, right? Got a ways to go. A lot of the things are hit or miss and they'll either happen this week or they won't and I can't go back since the grading period ends on Wednesday.

I've hurt my hip. I did not run today. I rode the bus home for the first time all year. We have a meet tomorrow which I'll go to but not run. You can't wrap a hip like you can an ankle...I wish I could run, though.

I have some studying to do for AP Bio, but I have a feeling I'll be better off going to bed, getting to school, reading over my papers then, and taking my test than staying up 'till 3 reading words that mean nothing to me. I was up 'till 3:30 last night, which was bad. Sleep is good. I should get there. Sorry I haven't blogged in what feels like weeks.

love,
Kyle

Bitch, that's a mistake!

2009-09-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

So I didn't plan on or want to write this, but it kind of just happened. Motivation at 12:18 AM. Well here's the deal: I have to drive to school in the morning and the last time I drove to school, I crashed into someone at 10 mph. Well it'd be nice if I had some rest before I go driving, so I'll try to keep this very brief. Oh how I want some pancakes.

Brandon Irwin came and played guitar with I Forget at our rehearsal yesterday and he is probably going to become our fourth member as rhythm/lead guitarist depending on the song. That's very exciting to me. That means we can start writing lead and harmonizing guitar parts and playing them live! Awesome! Though, yeah, there's something really sweet about 3-piece bands...but still, some 3-piece bands have added other members and it gone over smoothly. Think Dead to Me (who are like a 3-piece again, so maybe that's a bad example) or Propagandhi! And both of those bands have two lead singers like us! That's a good thing to name off real quick. Bands with two (or more) lead singers:

-Alkaline Trio
-blink-182
-Dead to Me
-Dillinger Four
-Toys That Kill
-Propagandhi
-Teenage Bottlerocket
-The Lawrence Arms
-Rancid
-Randy
-System of a Down
-Dropkick Murphys
-Drag the River
-Anti-Flag
-The Beatles

Okay, so that's not that many, but there are some great names on there! I Forget fits in real nicely, I believe. Anyway, I just wasted like 10 minutes composing that list. I forget what I was going to say. I broke up with Katie. I wrote some of that essay. I did well on the tests I took today, I feel. Jim's surgery went well today. I'm continually injuring myself. I wanna ruin Nick's shit. Someone hit his homecoming sign today and drew a dick on his locker.

So anyway, here's a list of bands with less than one lead singer:

-Sublime
-Nirvana
-Bob Marley

...too soon?

love,
Kyle

Once again...twice, rather

2009-09-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

Going into the studio and rehearsing yesterday did not work out as planned. Does it ever? Instead of going into the studio and playing music together, Jason, after we finally got ahold of him on the way there, said that he didn't know what we were doing that day. "Bullshit he didn't!" Brittney said. We kinda had all confirmed with him separately earlier that day that we were in fact going to come in a little later and rehearse. So whatev, he forgets everything. We're almost ashamed to have the band name that we have when we're around him. So we'll try again today. We're supposed to go in at 2:30.

Today, Brandon Irwin will be joining us and playing with us. Perhaps we're looking at I Forget's fourth member? That'd be neat, eh? We'll see how this plays out. And umm...yeah, so today should be good.

I did not get enough sleep last night because I was booking on my mom taking us to second service at church, but instead we went to the 8:15 service. That sucks. I'm fucking tired. I have two essays to write, some tests to study for (not that I'd do that anyway), and rehearsal to go through today and I have gotten no fucking sleep. As we discussed in Sunday School today, my goal for the week is to get my shit together. I gotta get my parking permit for school, gotta sign up for SAT's since I'm wayyyy late on that, and I just gotta get these essays written and written well and do well on tests. I am a bit overwhelmed. I also have to do better at cross country. I think I've thrown my left hip out or something because it really hurts to walk on it right now. That and I can still feel that side stitch from yesterday.

So okay, maybe today is the look at a new horizon. Still gotta dump that girlfriend of mine. Every time I sit down and figure out how I want to say it to her, it's in a time I cannot text her, since that's going to have to be the method. Even if she doesn't get the text because Ginger reads it instead, well, that's not my fucking problem.

Nick says Ginger Berry sounds like the name of a cereal. I said it sounds like something you'd pick on a tree in a Pokemon game. "Obtained Ginger Berry!"

'Kay, that's about all the coverage in my life I've got for you so far. Oh, maybe I didn't explain how I got a side stitch on my last mile of the race yesterday and instead of running a 6:06 mile like my first mile, the last was 8:25. Yeah, hurt like a bitch. My total time was 22:25. Still not bad, but I can do better. I'll be back at that same track in 8 days now.

love,
Kyle

Das ist gute!

2009-09-24T20:41:00.001-07:00

So I'm kicking ass at cross country this week during workouts, hopefully it will show on Saturday. Regardless of where I finish on Saturday, it's setting up to be an awesome day. Why? Because I got ahold of Jason today and we have made plans to go into the studio and rehearse on Saturday. This will be the first time I Forget has played together since the last Warren show. Awesome. Totally stoked.

Girlfriend hasn't spoken to me. Think we can stick a fork in this one.

Um, been watching some videos on Michael Moore's new movie Capitalism: A Love Story. Propagandhi showed me this show via Facebook called Democracy Now! and I watched the hour of it and Michael Moore came in to talk about his new movie and frankly, I am still very interested in politics. It's weird. I love politics, I'll listen to politics all day, but I hate politics and know nothing about it at the same time. Politics are interesting. Politics are evil. Politics are fascinating. I can't verbally argue my side in political arguments very well because I'm just not organized in that way and don't know every fact about everything and cannot throw statistics and site every reference in a casual conversation. That's why I look up to Michael Moore and Propagandhi. They do it pretty well. Perhaps I should read some Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky.

I was supposed to write an essay tonight and have it for peer reviews tomorrow in College English, but it would appear that I completely forgot to take my book home so I could look back at the essays in it and at least get the titles so I could start comparing and contrasting them. Oh yes, I have not explained the prompt. We are to either compare and contrast two essays on date rape or two essays on immigration and decide which uses the tools of persuasion better. I wanted to do the ones on date rape, but I realized that I'm not sure how different the arguments presented really are, so I may read over the ones on immigration and see what I think about those. I really am not looking forward to writing this essay.

Tomorrow during school, I have to write up a study guide I could have done any other day this week during any of the 5 (give or take an hour or two) hours I spent sleeping in class because I had all of my work done. I also have to do some chapter review questions in Computer Applications. I slept for 2/3 of Microbiology today and all of Computer Applications. It. was. awesome. Then I woke up, went to the bathroom, changed, and ran six sets of half mile runs. 6 8's, Mr. Phillips says. If I run anything on Saturday like I have the three workout days we've had this week, I will be killing in the JV race. I want to get on varsity by the end of the season. I've found my competitive side, I think. I just had to prove to myself that I was capable of running with the faster people and staying with them and sometimes even being faster.

So here's a little up/down rundown in how things are looking:

School preparedness: down
Cross country: up
I Forget playing/recording: up
Girlfriend: down
Political knowledge: up
Overall feeling: I need to get my school work together and break up with my girlfriend.

Oh shit! And Ben, Nick, and I got together yesterday evening at Ben's house, learned a couple of Weezer songs (half-assed, of course), and went in to Psychology class today and played them for everyone. I played bass and sang while Ben took drumming duty and Nick was left on guitar as usual. We played "Dreamin" and "Undone - The Sweater Song." I thought it was alright minus a few things here and there.

love,
Kyle

Today I...

2009-09-22T20:31:00.001-07:00

1. Got up at 6:30, got dressed and ready for school, got on the bus around 6:55:20 and slept.

2. Got to school. Went to Psychology class, saw my teacher, who is my sister's grandma, Mammaw Sara, had a short class, and got ready to watch a presentation given by the strongest man on earth about the Columbine shootings and the death of Rachel Scott and the impact her kindness has had on the world.

3. Watched the presentation. Did not cry, which left me sorta disappointed, but I still enjoyed the presentation.

4. Watched as people gave various excuses as to why they did not want to accept Rachel's "challenge" which basically just states that you will try to set a good example and be fair to people and try to do your best in life.

5. Ate lunch.

6. Had half an hour of Microbiology where I wore Timmy's jacket and acted like him by saying "house" weird and by stretching my arms and proclaiming that I haven't had sex in 17 years and don't watch The Office. When Timmy left and our half an hour of work was finished, I slept for the remaining hour as the rest of the class watched game shows from the '80s or some shit.

7. Woke up and went to fourth block, Computer Programming, where I checked my blog, checked punknews.org, showed Mrs. Boden that I'd done all of my work the day before, went back to my seat, and slept until the school day was over.

8. Got dressed for cross country. Ran 6 miles in about 45 minutes. Felt awesomely exhausted.

9. Got a ride home from Rebekah. Thank you, Rebekah. Got my shit together and took it with me to my dad's who followed Rebekah and I into the driveway.

10. Took a bath, layed in bed, ate pizza, took some pain pills, watched the finale of America's Got Talent online and cried as I saw that Kevin Skinner actually won, which I felt he should have.

11. Came back to my mom's, played a little guitar, talked to Tim, realized my school day was completely pointless, wrote this.

12. Decided it is time to go to bed. Half a day tomorrow, followed by an easy partner run. I've been kicking ass in practice. My ankle's feeling better and I like these shoes I've been wearing this week. Maybe they're a placebo.

Downloaded the new Banner Pilot album. I have a feeling it will grow on me and I will love it. I also think that Brittney subconsciously ripped off Chuck Ragan's "Do You Pray?" because she has a song about religion and the first thing it says is "Do you pray?" in the same manner and Chuck and it's the same kind of folk song as his and it's just very similar. Oh, and if Katie isn't going to come see me and I'm not going to be able to talk to her in peace, then I am done. Completely finished. This is getting to be ridiculous.

Dear Landlord is fucking awesome.

love,
Kyle

So much new music, my head is going to explode

2009-09-20T18:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, http://arisemysoulandsing.blogspot.com

That is like the answer to my prayers. Here is a list of all of the bands I have downloaded albums from and the actual album names of those albums in the past few days that I've been looking for forever.

American Steel - Dear Friends and Gentle Hearts
Banner Pilot - Pass the Poison
Cloak/Dagger - We Are
Cloak/Dagger - Pinata Breaks, Demo Takes
Chuck Ragan - Feast or Famine
Cobra Skulls - American Rubicon
Dear Landlord - Dream Homes
Defiance, Ohio - The Fear, The Fear, The Fear
Drag the River - Live at the Starlight
The Menzingers - A Lesson In The Abuse of Information Technology
The Menzingers - Hold On, Dodge
Paint It Black - Paradise
Paint It Black - Amnesia
Paint It Black - Surrender
Teenage Bottlerocket - They Came from the Shadows
Various Artists - Fest 7 Comp

Now if I can, I plan on purchasing many of these actual CDs or 7-inches in the future. These albums, from what I've listened to, contain some of the best music I've ever heard. Teenage Bottlerocket, American Steel, and Cobra Skulls especially have brought out some solid full-lengths this year. That sight I gave you at the very top can give you a lot of these I mentioned and then some. Goddamn, that's some good music. I finally have Paint It Black's entire catalogue!

So the car I crashed last week is fixed. I am not driving it yet, though. At least not to school. And that's not mom's rules, that's my decision. I need to slowly get back into driving before I jump in the car and drive to school again. This nightmare is hopefully over, though. Now if I can just get the rest of my life fixed up. Need to figure out what the deal with my girlfriend and I is, need to get in the fucking studio for the first time in months and finish this fucking album. Need to get my SAT's done, some college applications sent. I got a lot of shit to sort out, obviously. I also want to do really well at cross country regionals. I did alright yesterday when I ran, but I could have done better and I will not rest until I do my best! But god, I hate running. At the same time, it was driving me mad that I didn't run today. I think I'm gonna run for the rest of my life...

I visited Jim in the hospital today. His lung collapsed and all of this shit because he's a tall and skinny boy and that happens to people like him. And apparently, if it happens once, it's more prone to happen again from then on. That's great, huh? Poor Jim. He still doesn't take anything in life seriously, but I kind of respect that in a weird way. I take too much seriously sometimes, I feel, but at the same time, I feel like I need to buckle down in a lot of areas. But Jim is going to be alright, for all of those wondering. I love ya, Jim!

Saw Jennifer's Body in theatres with Tim, Nick, Alex, and Brittney on Friday. I enjoyed it, though I'm not one for horror films generally. The part where they stab the girl while singing "Jenny (867-5309)" was fucking classic. So was the part about the box-cutter. I'll let you go see it for yourself. You probably won't regret it.

Ummm...and I forgot to mention that I watched the first episode of the new season of The Office on Thursday and it's going to be a great season and Community is going to be a great series, I feel. That's about all I got for you tonight. I love punk music.

love,
Kyle

Wow, I have lived

2009-09-17T20:28:00.001-07:00

'kay a few quick points and then I'm postin' my "finalized" paper on losing my religion RIGHT HERE ON MY BLOG!

1. Katie said that she is dating Ginger. "Yeah, okay. That's just wonderful."

2. I just watched James from Against Me! smash a bottle over George from Against Me!'s (and previously Hot Water Music if you remember from my previous posts) head. Woaaah.

3. Running still sucks.

4. My mom's car is fixable.

5. I downloaded (very illegally) the new albums of American Steel (FINALLY!), Cobra Skulls, and Teenage Bottlerocket. I intend to purchase all of them when I get the financial chance. And boy oh fucking boy, they are excellent albums. Highly recommend ALL of them.

6. We have yet to make progress on our new album.

7. Here's my story:

Religion has never been something I have claimed to fully understand, though I feel I am not alone on that one. I was raised going to church every Sunday and that really hasn’t changed since I was born, save a Sunday here and there. Religion has been a part of both my parents’ lives for as long as I can remember though it shows more through my mother. My father, I believe is not completely satisfied with many aspects of his life and I think religion and the church are two of those. My mom, on the other hand, seems to need religion and church to stay sane with the world.

I have been raised on what some would refer to as the “Bible Belt.” Most everyone I know has been, too. Here, small towns are often unincorporated and churches are some of the only ways for communities to come together. We aren’t exposed to the rest of the world first hand. Sure, someone is shot at a robbery or someone gets cheated on and seeks revenge and things of that sort happen, but if you look at the big picture, people in small towns are very sheltered. For example, I can think of maybe five black people living in the town of Fort Ashby, I have yet to see anyone who could really be classified as Asian here, and the list goes on and on. Case and point: I grew up in a simple area of the world.

My parents split when I was about three years old and since then I have been attending two churches regularly at any given time. My mom first started taking me to a church in Springfield about three minutes from my house. The church wasn’t exactly child-oriented and Brother Blueball could talk for what seemed to be years. The room smelled like stale old people. The music always seemed to be a dirge. I did not understand how religion was supposed to be a thing to rejoice about when the congregation seemed to be dead. I had always enjoyed going with my dad more at the Methodist Church, though I was not a fan of singing those songs with the little kids. They always, even to this day, sounded like a bunch of brainwashed robots singing rather than kids. One song’s chorus just repeats “Yes, God. Yes, God. Yes, God. Yes, God,” about a dozen times before it starts a second verse. That never made a lot of sense to me, either.

It wasn’t until my mom started dating my future stepdad and going to Christ Lutheran Church in LaVale, Maryland that I started to witness the more openly joyful kind of worshipping I had always thought it should have been. The pastor there, Pastor Chuck, would tell jokes that I would get, I met kids that I could laugh with and relate to, and the overall experience and atmosphere comforted me. For the first time in my life, I felt that I was “getting closer with God.”

While all of this was going on, I was still going to the same church with my dad and nothing there has really changed even to this day. My dad is still my Sunday school teacher because he’s pretty much been able to pick which grade he wants to teach because the church is dead and lacks Sunday school teachers. He does not even stay for the church service. He talks to the younger kids in the class according to his interpretation of God and to what the handouts say while I work on a different thousand-piece puzzle depending on the year. My brother never behaves because of all of his disorders and because he likes to take advantage of his dad being the Sunday school teacher. My dad has always complained about the people that go to that church and says that they dislike him just as much. I do not understand why he puts himself through what he does. I do not understand a lot about religion.

At the Lutheran church, I met a kid named David. David was a huge fan of blink-182 and NOFX at the time I met him. My sister, Kayleigh, thought he was something else and they eventually started dating. They shared bands they found with each other. I leeched off of what I could and started a steady diet of The Offspring, Green Day, and NOFX. That music was a revelation in my life in itself that brought on many others to come. I was no longer listening to the sugarcoated songs on the radio that have to have lyrics cut to fit everyone’s level of appropriateness. I was listening to songs telling me that the government is stealing from the poor, a guy named Jeff wears Birkenstocks, and that people go through their lives living on false beliefs that give them real happiness. I wasn’t sure how to feel about listening to things like that—I felt hypocritical in a way, but I tried convincing myself that exposing myself to other opinions was making me stronger in my own faith.

When I got the internet, I started connecting with people from the outside world. One person in particular, Melissa, did not believe in Christianity. She believed in Scientology at the time, but I later forgave her since she was only in the eighth grade. When she told me, I became deeply upset and could not quit imagining her burning in what I pictured hell to be. I was in fifth or sixth grade at the time and did not know what I could say or do to make her believe what I did and convince her that all she had to do was accept this guy I had always been told about named Jesus Christ into her life. It was that simple, so I was told. The way I was told, you could live your whole life a sin—raping people, murdering them, stealing from everyone you met, and if you simply asked for forgiveness on your last day on earth, you would be spared eternal damnation and instead live among the heavens. That also didn’t make sense to me, but I accepted it. “Some things aren’t meant to be understood…at least not yet,” I would tell myself.

I got older, my acceptance for different beliefs grew, and I started meeting people in school who did not believe in my lord and savior Jesus Christ. I would worry about them secretly, but I felt comfortable discussing my beliefs. One person in particular I would spend evenings disputing religion with was Isabelle. Isabelle had never been religious. Her mother was not religious, though she was my art teacher from Kindergarten to fourth grade. I was starting to realize that even in my little town, not everyone believed the same things and they were doing just fine in the world.

Isabelle and I started dating in the ninth grade. I remember her telling me that I was one of the only Christian boys she’d ever even consider dating. I thought that was cute. We continued dating and believing separate things, though most of our beliefs by that point overlapped. We both believed that morals had nothing to do with what religion or denomination you belonged to, we both believed that judging people based on what they believed was wrong, and that not everyone would ever believe the same things. That went on for a while and then we broke up about six months later. By this point, I had been listening to a large collection of secular songs and secular bands in addition to anti-religious songs by anti-religious bands. I even had bought that NOFX album that says “Never Trust a Hippy” on the front with Jesus giving the peace sign.

It was inevitable in retrospect, I suppose. I was never baptized. I had been asking questions in my First Communion class at church interested in hearing answers which couldn’t always be answered in a way that satisfied me. I had been asked if I wanted to be baptized in ninth grade and kept putting it off because I wasn’t quite sure what I believed. Pastor Chuck and my mom thought I was interested in God because I asked so many questions and participated more than anyone else in the class.

The day came that really shined the light on me—or that showed me that “the light” I had always been told about was false indeed. It was called the “Zeitgeist Movie.” Some punk band on MySpace I had added posted a bulletin about it with a subject line having to do with 9-11 truth. Unsure about religion, I was very sure I did not trust my government and was really into the 9-11 scam “inside job” thing. Naturally, I clicked on the link and started watching the movie. Almost immediately, it started on this religious rant. First thing it said was, “But He loves you.” Behind that, you could hear a crowd laughing. “He loves you and he needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more.” Alright, I thought, I wasn’t expecting for this to start by making fun of my religion, though I cannot disagree with anything they just said. After the initial “comedy,” they start their first section of the movie called “Part I: The Greatest Story Ever Told” which starts talking about the sun and how ancient religions would worship the sun. They said that the sun is “God’s Sun: the light of the world, the savior of human kind.” Hey¸I thought, I’ve heard that in church! “Likewise,” the video continued, “the twelve constellations represented places of travel for God’s Sun and were identified by names, usually representing elements of nature that happened during that period of time.”

By this point, I was shocked at how much things were actually making sense even in a religious context. I had been able to connect my own dots before, but never had they been this close together and natural. The video continued, “This is Horus. He is the Sun God of Egypt of around 3000 BC…Horus, being the sun, or the light, had an enemy known as Set and Set was the personification of the darkness or night. And, metaphorically speaking, every morning Horus would win the battle against Set – while in the evening, Set would conquer Horus and send him into the underworld…Broadly speaking, the story of Horus is as follows: Horus was born on December 25th of the virgin Isis-Meri. His birth was accompanied by a star in the east, and upon his birth, he was adored by three kings. At the age of twelve, he was a prodigal child teacher, and at the age of thirty, he was baptized by a figure known as Anup and thus began his ministry. Horus had twelve disciples he traveled [around the earth] with, performing miracles such as healing the sick and walking on water. Horus was known by many gestural names such as The Truth, The Light, God’s Anointed Son, The Good Shepherd, The Lamb of God, and many others. After being betrayed by Typhon, Horus was crucified, buried for three days, and thus, resurrected.” That was a lot to take in for me at once. Part of me wanted to throw the computer out the window and scream, “Nonsense!” and the other part of me was intrigued. It was the best sermon I had ever heard in my life and I felt I was the choir being preached to. The movie didn’t stop there. It went on to give examples of other figures in religious history that followed the same basic life patterns, but each appeared hundreds or thousands of years apart.

I was asking myself, Why would they all follow the same patterns and attributes? The movie answered my question as soon as I asked it reverting everything back to the stars. The birth sequence, the movie described, all has to do with astronomy and the alignment of the stars around December 25th, which is the winter solstice. More specifically, the start in the East, Sirius, aligns with the three stars that make up Orion’s Belt which were, at the time, referred to as the “Three Kings” and during that time of the year pointed to the place of the sunrise, or, as you could make into a story, the Three Kings were guided by the star in the East to meet the sun/son during its birth on December 25th. Then, it explained how the days become shorter and shorter until the sun stops moving south for three days due to the earth’s rotation around it and on the third day, it starts “rising again.”
More and more the video explained all of these “phenomena” and how it related with astrology. After that initial explanation, it went on to explain just why religion was used still if all of this was, in fact, true. It told me about the use of Christianity as a way of controlling the masses first with Constantine in Rome in 325, and later into Europe leading to the Dark Ages, the Crusades, the Inquisition, and everything to come afterward. “[Religion] supports blind submission to authority,” the movie told me. And with that, I decided that my time had ended with religion. I am not one for any sort of blind following, after all.

I did not care what happened to me after I died. I did not care what I was told to believe for the first fifteen years of my life. I did not care what my parents, my friends, my teachers, or anyone else thought. I cared that I had finally found something that made sense to me. I cared that I had found closure. I cared that I no longer had to convince myself that everything I was told but didn’t understand was true. I was so angry at the system, the hours, the days, the weeks of my life wasted in church that I did not care one bit of any consequences. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there were no consequences. I could hear, see, and breathe clearly for the first time in my life. I was done living a lie.

Since my big revelation, things have not been perfect. Going to church is an absolute waste of my time, I feel. My mom still thinks I am a believer, I think. I respect my mom probably more than I do any other person on this earth and I really hate to upset or disappoint her, so I usually just leave religion alone and go to church with her. I don’t complain about having to go to church every Sunday as my little brother does more religiously than going to church itself. My mom often thanks me when the service is over for coming with her. That makes it worth it in a way, but I wonder if she’s fooling herself or understands that I could care less if I ever went to church again.

My dad doesn’t really ask and I don’t really tell and that seems to be our policy for everything in life. He still wakes me up every Sunday morning and says, “It’s time for Sunday school.” I’ll then drag myself out of bed, put some jeans and maybe a polo if I’m feeling extra spunky, and get in the car. Then my dad, my brother, and I go to church in the awkward silence that always surrounds my dad. Sometimes the radio will be playing to focus the silence on something else. At church, it’s the same thing as always. I still work on a puzzle. He still directs his lesson toward the younger kids and leaves me alone. I still sit upstairs in the church hearing the younger kids chant God-fearing songs through the floor.

As for everyone else, Pastor Chuck still makes me laugh because he’s still good at telling jokes; I just tune out everything involving “our lord and savior Jesus Christ.” He doesn’t say anything to me other than, “Hi, Kyle. How’s the band been?” David lost his religion before I did. He’s lost more than his religion, though, as he travels the East Coast from state to state, girlfriend to girlfriend looking for a place that he can enjoy for a month or two. My sister, Kayleigh, and my two stepsisters also gave up their faith in God, which serves as a sense of not being the only disappointment to the way my mom raised us. My friends still accept me just the same. I am just as moral as I was before, if not more. I have faith and will to go on but that faith is in myself and the will to go on comes from the wisdom that life goes on no matter how bad things get. I don’t tell anyone where they’re going when they die because I know just as much as anyone else knows, and that is nothing. One thing I know for sure through it all is that I am a much happier, more comfortable person now than I had ever been.

love,
Kyle

Plugged in and ready to fall!

2009-09-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

That's my motto for this moment in time! I sent Katie that text asking for a response. Does she or does she not have a second boyfriend? Make my day! I've already crashed a car! Let's see how much more damage we can do!

No but seriously, I crashed my mom's car on the way to school today. It's over 10 years old. It's a '98 Ford Escort and I hit someone's hitch going about 10 miles an hour and it smashed my right headlight, my hood, my front bumper, and my right front fender. Fortunately, my grandpa has two other Ford Escorts that he keeps for spare parts in case my sister or I crash our Escorts. So because I did no damage to the other guy, Zach Bradfield, and the car would be total if we turned it in, we're not reporting anything to our insurance companies and we'll act like this never happened and I'll fix my own car.

This is cool. http://itsgettinghotinhere.org/2009/09/15/breaking-activists-drop-70-banner-off-of-niagra-falls-to-tell-canadian-pm-no-tar-sands-oil/

love,
Kyle

Been wonderin'

2009-09-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

It was brought to my attention a good while ago but today, I thought I'd reiterate the question: Why the fuck is there a band called Thrash Unreal? And why the fuck do they sound like shit powerpop? Do they not realize that their name is a complete and total copy of an Against Me! song title? I mean, "Thrash Unreal" isn't a phrase used in every day conversation. In fact, I don't even know what it means. I just know it's an Against Me! song and that's where I first heard the two words next to each other and then this band came along. Tell you what, don't waste your time listening to them. I swear you've heard it all before and it's lame.

Also, why am I continually being convinced that Katie has another boyfriend? Is it that she keeps changing her status on MySpace to things referring to how much she "loves love" and how she was "going out with the bf <3"? My shit got erased and I don't remember what was written here. But basically...that's shitty and I want some closure. It's all I ask. It'd be nice to ask that she doesn't cheat on me, but maybe that's too much to ask for. (I hate how my shit was deleted because I'm pretty sure I'd written something good here.)

Anyway, let me tell you about September 13, 2009 in the life of Kyle Wagoner. I guess you could say that I "found my faith in God." That's kind of misleading, though. Anywhere, here's what happened. My mom and stepdad are part of the Christian Motorcycle Association (CMA) and the CMA decided to have a church service together on Sunday. So my mom and stepdad went and I had to go with them. This was not at our church. This was at a holy rollers church where people are free to say "Hallelujah," "Amen!" "Praise God!" "Darn' tootin'!" and anything else they can think of proclaiming as they please. The pastor was part of CMA and was up there wearing jeans and a leather vest with his CMA emblem on the back. He's got glasses and white balding hair and holds the mic with both hands most of the time. He didn't say anything other than "God is good. Praise Jesus. We are all blessed." So basically, he said nothing. So then we sang like 20 songs in a row without stopping. The piano player had a mic and she like lead the singing. There was a big ol' prompter with the lyrics on it. Her mic was turned up too loudly. She didn't have a very good vocal range and had to sing falsetto at a rather low note for a woman. The songs also said nothing. "Holy Holy Holy." "God is good. I love God." Shit like that. I was not a fan. Then, to top that off, when we were FINALLY done singing, the pastor gets up and goes, "Those are some deep lyrics." I couldn't help but make a very disagreeing face.

Well then after about an hour and a half, this guy comes out and he's the husband of the pianist. He kind of had rape face, at least at first. No motorcycle vest, but he was wearing jeans, but he announced that wearing them there made him feel uncomfortable. Boy, this guy could speak. He apparently used to be the pastor at Central Assembly of God--that fucking hugeass church that everyone around here seems to somehow go to even though it's like way out of the way of everything. Anyway, this guy starts by saying it's his job to close the service and tie everything together. Well, he didn't have much to work with in tying shit together since no one had really said anything, as I've said. He read from John 6:something or some shit. It was the story of how Jesus went up to pray and told his disciples to wait for him by the ocean and he'd come back. For whatever reason, they got into their boat and then a big ol' storm came, they all were certain they were going to die and called out for Jesus, then he appeared walking on the water and said, "I am here. Do not be afraid," and the storm subsided and they were instantly where they were heading on the shore. This guy does the only thing I enjoy going to church for--he relates happenings in the Bible to actual life. That actually applies to me...applies to everyone. "Jesus is Lord. God is good," are hallow words that mean absolutely nothing. Well this guy is a fuckin' great speaker, as I said. He provides comic relief in the perfect places. He pulls all of this shit out of his ass that perfectly pertains to what his main purpose is somehow. He's trying to sell this house he built and we're in a fucking economic slump and he's having no luck with it. He was talking about how he's got all of this doubt that it'll sell and he's struggling and what was once his gift is now his burden. He said that the disciples in the boat were in their boat--the boat that they'd caught fish in for years and sold for money and the boat that they had millions of stories to tell about--and the storm came and they no longer wanted anything to do with their boat. He said they, at that point, would have been happy to have torn the boat to a million pieces and burn each piece cursing that it had ever existed. He related that to how he'd love to burn his house down. He then said that a plane had gone down near the house. When he first started talking about the plane crash, I thought he was going to talk about the tragedy and tie that in, but he said, "The plane hit a barn a few thousand feet from the house. My wife and I had left for church around the same time it hit. I don't mean it was just close, I mean it was in a straight line heading straight toward the house. Now, I wouldn't wish that tragedy on anyone, but God, YOU COULDA TAKEN THAT SUCKER OUT!" Anyway, case and point here: he was a great speaker.

This is what I came to realize: Jesus is hope. Jesus is love. Jesus is a savior. I believe those things 100%. However, Jesus to me is me. Jesus is hope that a better day will one day come and gives people reason to keep trying in life. I am 17 years old and on my own, I've realized that even when I think my girlfriend may very well be cheating on me with someone else, another day will always come. I do not need the figure of Jesus to keep myself going. I have not been close to killing myself and need to hear, "There is a way out. Jesus Christ." I am my own fucking savior. It's pretty much Satanism by definition, but if that's what it is, then fuck it. That's what I believe. Jesus is good. Without Jesus, many people would not straighten up and would lose themselves. He is in our hearts. He is inside of us. Yes, that is what I fucking said. He is me. I am my own Jesus. It's all in my head. Does that make sense? The whole experience really made me realize this. But you know what? I don't believe anything in the Bible ever happened. I don't believe Jesus is the son of God or fuckin' whatever. I don't even believe in God. I am not going to try to argue that the world and universe was not created because I am not sure that it wasn't. However, I think it's ignorant to claim that I or anyone knows what's going to happen to us when we die or to think that just because someone created the universe, you can talk to him/her/it through telepathy. All in our heads, I think.

love,
Kyle

No, I don't deserve this

2009-09-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

It has been one hell of a long day...waking up at 4:20 AM, getting on a bus at 5, sleeping on the bus, waking up around 9:45, getting off the bus, running, running, running a race, trying not to shit my pants, running some more, hurting, watching other people run, watching more people run, watching people get awards, packing shit up, getting on a bus, sleeping on the bus, waking up, going to Ryan's to eat, eating, eating, eating, trying to remember the name "Bovice," getting back on the bus, sleeping, having to piss, debating whether or not to piss in a bottle, getting to a rest stop, pissing, feeling better, getting back on the bus again, sleeping on the bus, waking up, getting to school by the time it's dark, getting off the bus, driving to my stepdad's, eating, eating, eating, getting on here, worrying, worrying, worrying, wanting to sleep but worrying, and now I'm just typing this.

It gets to be a little monotonous! I hope Rebekah is feeling better (she went down during her race and went to the emergency room for 3 hours and she usually wins)! And I hope I'm my girlfriend's only boyfriend...and I wish I talked to my girlfriend more often and more in-depth and saw her more often. And I wish I didn't run every day of my life and have no time to do anything else but go to school, eat, and sleep. And I wish I could get into the studio and finish the new I Forget album...and I wish I had some money...and I wish I didn't owe people money and I wish I didn't have to ask my mom for money...and I wish I had more time in my life. I wish I blogged more often. And I wish I could go see more bands more often...and I wish I didn't have to miss school and spend hundreds of dollars to do that. I wish things were like they were in December. December forever.

And all I wanted today was to watch Rebekah kick everyone's ass! That usually isn't that much to ask! This isn't my week, I guess. At least I'm doing well in school.

love,
Kyle

Rough Draft

2009-09-08T21:51:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'm writing my first big essay assignment on losing my religion. Test yours out if you're brave enough.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1817848131611744924#

love,
Kyle

HOLY FUCK!

2009-09-05T18:00:00.001-07:00

I'm gonna make this brief. My life was changed today when I read over this track listing. I mean fuck running my first official 5k race in cross country and finishing wherever the fuck I did on a bad ankle. I did pretty well. But really, that doesn't mean shit. What I'm about to show you involves American Steel covering one of my favorite Alkaline Trio songs on earth. So shut the fuck up. Nothing you have to say is more interesting than that.

Let Them Know: The Story of Youth Brigade and BYO Records:
1. "Young Till I Die," Bouncing Souls/originally by 7 Seconds
2. "Headlights...Ditch," Off With Their Heads/originally by Bouncing Souls
3. "No More Lies," NoFX/originally by Battalion of Saints
4. "Misfortune," Youth Brigade/originally by SNFU
5. "S.O.S.," Lagwagon/originally by One Man Army
6. "Believe In Something," Blue Collar Special/originally by Youth Brigade
7. "Future Dreams," The Cute Lepers/originally by Upright Citizens
8. "Domination," Young Governor/originally by Marvelous Mark Youth Youth Youth
9. "Wrecking Crew," Pulley/originally by Adolescents
10. "We're Gonna Fight," Pennywise/originally by 7 Seconds
11. "It's Empty," Filthy Thieving Bastards/originally by One Man Army
12. "Dead and Broken," American Steel/originally by Alkaline Trio
13. "The Ballad Of Johnny X," Johnny Madcap & The Distractions/originally by Bouncing Souls
14. "Little White God," In The Red/originally by Leatherface
15. "Fade Away Shark," Soup/originally by Pegboy
16. "Fight To Unite," Dropkick Murphys/originally by Youth Brigade
17. "Foreign Policy," Wednesday Night Heroes/originally by Stretch Marks
18. "1000 Miles," Anti-Flag/originally by Unseen
19. "Victoria," Complete Control/originally by One Man Army
20. "We're In!" Old Man Markley/originally by Youth Brigade
21. "Keep On," The Ignorant/originally by Hepcat
22. "Piss On You," Subhumans/originally by Personality Crisis
23. "Scratches & Needles," Ch3/originally by Nils
24. "Pill Box," Lower Class Brats/originally by Lower Class Brats
25. "Who Is Who," The Briefs/originally by Adolescents
26. "Hating Every Minute," Krum Bums/originally by Alkaline Trio
27. "In The Night," Ashers/originally by Bad Religion
28. "I Scream," Matt Skiba/originally by The Brigade
29. "All The Way Nothington," originally by One Man Army
30. "Doublewhiskeycokenoice," Leatherface/ originally by Dillinger 4
31. "Sink With California," 7 Seconds/ originally by Youth Brigade

WHAT THE FUCK, RIGHT?! Krum Bums doing Alkaline Trio, Leatherface doing D4, Lagwagon doing One Man Army, Off With Their Heads doing Bouncing Souls?! AHHHH!!! I really don't plan on sleeping until this compilation is in my hands. And saying all of that, I am, of course, leaving out the fact that...well...MATT SKIBA IS ON THE COMP!

I'm more than a little bit stoked. Anywho, I guess it'd be nice if I recapped on running today. Running sucks, for those of you who haven't tried it. It's the worst thing on earth maybe. Don't know about that, but it sucks pretty bad. Don't do it. It's barely worth it. But it's what I do and I somehow find satisfaction from it at the end of the day. Katie was there. However, we did not see each other before she left. FUCK! Ginger was also there. We, thankfully, never saw each other...not that she has any idea who I am. Josh Montoya finished the race and then passed out form heat exhaustion and went to the hospital. That kind of sucks. We stopped at Sheetz on the way home and I bought $11 worth of junk food. Mmmm. I've drunk more than 3 liters of fluids today. Probably over a gallon, really. Most of it being water. Water seems pretty plain to drink casually but when running, it's like a Christ figure. Only more refreshing and rewarding.

Dammit, now I just want to hang out with my girlfriend and listen to American Steel cover Alkaline Trio. You can hear 30-second clips from each song on that comp I need right here. http://www.amazon.com/Let-Them-Know-Brigade-Records/dp/B002MSJ37O/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=dmusic&qid=1252198079&sr=8-3

love,
Kyle

Welcome to the Dark Side. May I take your jacket?

2009-09-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

So I think this is really gonna happen. I'm going to go to Clear Spring on Saturday, drug myself up real good before going, and Katie is going to come to watch me. That seems like a nice circumstance. However, I have been forewarned of Ginger. Ginger apparently does not know that Katie and I are dating and I think if she finds out, she's gonna bite my ear off or something. Katie told me she's crazy and will kill me. I still stand by my shortest blog post of the year when I suggest to Ginger to go suck a dick. But that's fine. I'm excited for Nick and Ginger to meet. I keep saying that if they get into a fight, it'll be like Gandalf the White and Dumbledore going at it.

So let me be completely honest with myself. School isn't so bad. However, getting home, doing essentials, falling asleep, and being up and ready to take on the day at 8 or 9 PM just isn't going to cut it. I used to at least get home around 4, and if I was driving it'd be 3:30, and I could sleep until 5 or 6 and then go on with my day. There's still time to do something at 5 or 6. But 9 PM? I might as well be wasted. At the same time, I don't know what else I'd be doing with my weekday evenings. It'd be nice to go hang out with someone, I guess. At least this is keeping me in good shape. I ran the elliptical today and did 2,167 strides in 35 minutes. The stride length was "26.0." I really have no idea what that indicates. 26 inches a step? See, that doesn't really make sense because a "stride," according to the machine, is two steps. So let me try this math. If one step is 26 inches, then one stride is 52 inches. If I did 2,167 strides, that's 112,684 inches. Or, in other words, 9,390.333 feet. Let me try to figure out what the fuck THAT means in miles and see if this makes sense. A mile is 5,280 feet. I had to have done at least 4 miles, so that doesn't work. How fucking long is a stride, then!? I don't fucking understand this space technology.

I'll keep all of that information for future reference in case I ever REALLY need to know how far I went today. Tomorrow's recycling day. I need to take my recyclables in and I also need my registration and $5 so I can legally park in the parking lot at school. Other than that and having homework every night that I can usually finish in 10 minutes, school is going pretty smoothly. Computer Programming had me a little iffy at first with the way the class was introduced and how most of the kids in the class are super nerds who I thought would be way ahead of me. That's not true, though, because I'm catching on to this shit way faster than any of them. I guess having a MySpace and fucking with its HTML helps. I don't know, but I finished the four assignments assigned to last the whole block in about 5 minutes. Not worried about that shit no more.

Oh, today I was also supposed to go to my dad's, so my mom advised, but I was so fucking worn out that I couldn't. Sorry, dad...I'll be over tomorrow. Today, technically as we've passed midnight. Maybe that's my cue to go to sleep. Pfft. I was supposed to do a study guide and outline my essay tonight. I didn't do either of those things.

love,
Kyle

Everything in moderation...especially life

2009-09-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

A significant event in my life...an event that changed my outlook on a certain subject or object or person or some shit. That's basically the prompt I have to follow for our first real essay in College English. This one, however, is 4-5 pages long. Now I absolutely hate talking music and girls in school for papers. Really do. I feel condescending or something. I read what I wrote yesterday in front of the whole class. I talked about "beating [my] friends to manhood" and about finding that poop under that rock and everything else I mentioned yesterday. I name dropped a few bands I've seen and felt like I was being condescending and stupid saying that. I also named some Alkaline Trio songs. You know, I really hate it when any other kid goes up in front of a class and names bands and songs and lyrics, so why would they not feel the same about me? Then again, they name Nickelback and Buckcherry and their shitty songs, but still. They're thinking "What's a Dillinger Four?" as I keep reading. Oh well, it was from the heart. I liked it. Good essay, I feel.

Anyway, but to not write about girls and music but still write 4-5 pages? That seems like a tough one for me. So I figure I could talk about either the time in my life I lost my religion or the time I quit putting up this past summer. When I had that night of revelation and came here and said "Chill." and that I was not putting up with unnecessary bullshit. And if you ask me, all bullshit is unnecessary except for that that fertilizes fields.

Anyone want to vote? I think the religion one would be fun and I think the teacher would support it since he's real chill and awesome. The other one is kinda yeah. The Broadways sound like Jawbreaker if Brendan Kelly and Chris McCaughan were in Jawbreaker.

EVERYONE I TRY TO TALK TO GOES OFFLINE! I hate this having 3 hours to myself on school days. It's bullshit. I got home at about 5:45, got some food, and fucking crashed. Just went down. You know what I did when school ended? Got my clothes, changed into my shorts and a t-shirt, went to the commons, and was paired up with Nick to go run for 45 fucking minutes. What part of "I have a bad ankle and I should not be running on it" does Coach Phillips not understand? Running on it does NOT make it better! It needs to heal! Once more, I am going to Clear Spring on Saturday and I would love to be able to run then. Ruining my ankle now isn't going to help my case. Right now I'm ranked last of the cross country boys. I fucking hate this bullshit. Let me rest! REST!

Anyway, I digressed, so I crashed at 6 this evening. Then I slept for two hours. Got up at 8 and by that time...well, it was 8. What else needs to be said? Basically what the point here is...is that I didn't start my day until 8 PM. I do hope someone fed and watered those rabbits because I definitely did not. I can barely walk when I come home from cross country. When I woke up, I showered, so I guess that sets back my free time even further. It's just ridiculous. And then I go to bed between 8 PM and 1:30 AM depending on how much sleep I got the day before and on how much homework I have.

Sigh....I've got an assessment to do for psychology. And yeah, my teacher is definitely "Mammaw Sara." 95% sure. I'll take a picture of her from 25 years ago in tomorrow and be like, "Hey. This is you." I hope she doesn't recognize me by some off chance so she thinks I'm like an insane stalker or some shit. But how many Kyle Wagoners does the average person know? I'm willing to bet the answer is less than plural.

Stewart Copeland of The Police wrote the musical scores to the first three Spryo the Dragon video games. What the hell, right? And Elijah Wood does Spyro's voice on the newer games. There's going to be a Spryo the Dragon movie. I bet it'll be lame and little kid-oriented. Fuck, I should sleep.

love,
Kyle

First time for everything..

2009-09-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

So tonight was the first time I wrote something for school I was happy with. You see, we read this short story called Bullet in the Brain and it's about this guy who works at a bank and is kind of sick of his life and the people around him and his work. Some armed robbers come in the bank and hold everyone up. The guy doesn't feel like putting up with their games and their shit, so he just acts like a smartass to guys with guns. Now the story gets particularly interesting, especially in a classroom setting, as we're reading it out loud and our teacher reads the line that says, "You wanna suck my dick?" narrating the robber to the main character. Also very entertaining as we turn the page and somebody gets the opportunity to say "fuck" twice in school with complete freedom as it's written as part of the story. However, she asks if she has to read that, the teacher says, "No you don't have to," and she declines reading it saying she doesn't like that word and says "eff" and "effin'" instead. Boring. Come on. I'd have said it in the blanks. Anyway, the last part that we mature seniors remember is the part involving the main characters memories, or rather, the memories he does not recall as the bullet is going through his brain. The first memory he does not recall during his life flashing before his eyes is one of his first lover who referred to his "unit" as "Mr. Mole" and said things like, "Where's Mr. Mole? There he is!" Very entertaining. Too bad the class is full of goody goodies.

So anyway, our job as a class was to take the last part of the story, where all of the things he does and does not remember while dying, and write it as if the story were about us, replacing his memories with our own. I actually felt that my memories accurately summed up the important things and feelings of my life. And like the only thing the character in the story remembered, my choice in remembering memory was insignificant to my life as whole, as I recalled the time I found someone's shit under a rock on the side of the road while walking to the top of Seneca Rocks. Gotta go when you gotta go...

So yeah, I thought I'd record for you all here my first time writing something I'm happy with for school. I think I wouldn't mind reading it in front of the class. Maybe I'll even slap it on here if it is well-received! We'll have to wait and see!

I went to bed at 8 PM yesterday and woke up at 7:20 AM. Awesome night of sleep. Almost wish I could do that more often, but I really sacrificed a lot of hours of my day. I ran on my ankle again yesterday, which was a bad idea in retrospect. However, I ran one half a mile in 3:11 once and the second I ran in 3:04 on a bad ankle. I was impressed with myself. However, on the third time, my ankle started to revolt and my need for hydration started catching up with me and I had to start walking or I felt I was going to go down. I hope I cut this shit out by Saturday when I go out to Clear Spring, where Katie is going to try her hardest to come watch. I don't want to look like a puss (pronounced however you'd like it to be) in front of her and everyone else. If she comes and sees me and I see her, it will be our first time seeing each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. And to think we've been together for over a month! July 25th!

I think my pyschology teacher is my sister's grandma, Sara Evans. Like the singer, I keep being told, is how her name is spelled. I'm not sure who the singer Sara Evans is...but alright. I had to do some research today to make sure it's probably her before I asked the teacher, "...Are you Sara? Did you have a dog named Pookie? Do you have an adopted son named Frank? Do you live 2 minutes down the road from me? Do you remember that time I ran to your house when I was 7?" Aighty, I'll leave the blogging world alone and try to sleep now. I love yall. Take care of the kids.

love,
Kyle

College English!!!!!

2009-08-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

Here's my prompt: describe a time you effectively communicated with someone.

Umm...what? Here's what I'd like to write: One time, I told a guy to pass me the ketchup...and he did. The end.

How do I write a full page on that? How do I start to write a full page on that? Now if you remember last year's English class, I did not ace essays. Ever. Just not my forte. Tim just gave me a great idea. Here's my wing at it:

Communication is an undeniably essential part of every day life. Without communication, there would be mass hysteria--cars crashing into each other due to lack of understanding what other drivers intend to do, kids starving due to parents not understanding their need for food, etc. Not all communication is necessarily vital to maintaining life, but can supply simple relief from everyday boredom and monotony.

To give you an example of casual and effective communication, I will recall my first day of College English class. The teacher looked less than ten years older than me and was wearing a peculiar-looking tie. He looked like "some dude" to me that appeared to have just gotten out of college and was starting his career. However, as the introductions and work died down, the teacher asked me if the band on my shirt was still playing together. "Yeah, they actually just finished recording a new seven-inch," I said. Multiple forms of effective communication can be found in this story. First, the t-shirt I wore allowed the teacher to know that I know who The Lawrence Arms are. Second, I effectively answered his question, though it was not at all difficult to get my message across. The conversation continued on and covered our mutual liking for bands signed to Asian Man Records, but more importantly the conversation gave me, the student, and Mr. Presnell, the teacher, some common interests to build on for the rest of the semester.

As the story shows, effective communication can lead to potential relationships between people. Perhaps the teacher knows of a lot of bands that I like but I would not have ever known of the possibility of that had we not effectively communicated on that first day.

Man, it kills the fuck out of me not to curse and to break up "I'll" and "wouldn't." I put this here so I can go get on my mom's computer, copy it to Word, and print it. See, I'm on my brother's computer because my dad still has mine and my brother's don't got Word! WHAT?! Yeah. Fuckin' sucks. Anyway, there was my more-or-less improvised essay for all you blog-readers. Now go suck a nigga dick, son. Oh, and isn't it weird how much Brendan Kelly affects my life? He's way more qualified to be "God" in my life than any organized religion's god.

love,
Kyle

Calm down, you'll get your turn!

2009-08-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, so things have been eventful lately to say the least. School started, I got classes, nothing to say there really. School is school. Although, my college English teacher asked if The Lawrence Arms are still together today when he saw my Lawrence Arms shirt. He apparently used to listen to them and other bands from Asian Man Records such as The Broadways (a very close relative to TLA). Interesting. I better get good grades.

My ankle is still killing me. The pain is spreading throughout my heel. That's just wonderful, seeing as how I've finally grown to enjoy running. I really want to be capable of running in Clear Spring next Saturday and for Katie to come 10 miles down the road to watch. That'd be cool, I think. God knows, eh?

Oh, and yes, I did in fact attend a blink-182/Weezer concert last night in Camden, NJ, which is just outside of Philadelphia. Whole bunch of people. Whole lot of money spent getting there and back. Whole lot of money spent on tickets. I'd say the whole trip was probably close to $350. T-shirts were $30 a piece. I, obviously, did not buy one. With all that money I spent, I should have been given a t-shirt. Anyway, here's how the show went: we missed Chester Fench and Taking Back Sunday. Boohoo, we didn't care. We got there just before Weezer went on, though. They came out playing a Black Sabbath song; Pat Wilson on guitar, Josh Freese playing the drums, Rivers Cuomo just singing. Rivers kept saying, "Yessiree, Bob." Then they played some other songs. "Island in the Sun" was particularly cool because it started with Rivers looping drums, tambourine, bass, and acoustic guitar and then singing the first two verses and prechoruses by himself before the entire band came in on the chorus. Very awesome. Here's the set list in the best order I can remember it in.

Warpigs [Black Sabbath]
Hashpipe
Troublemaker
Perfect Situation
Undone - The Sweater Song
Pork and Beans
Surfwax America
My Name is Jonas
Island in the Sun
Beverly Hills
Buddy Holly
The Good Life
(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To
Say It Aint So
Should I Stay or Should I Go? [The Clash]

Then like blink-182 came out. Like 45 minutes afterward. They were as I expected. Hilarious and...prone to playing singles. But! they played "Reckless Abandon" and "Anthem, Pt. 2" so that was awesome in my book. Oh! and "Josie." I'll give you the set list here in a second. Ummm...they like were making fun of themselves for breaking up and shit. Mark threw down his bass and said, "You know what Tom? Fuck you! You've been nothing but a....a great friend to me!" And then they hugged and everyone cheered because it's great to have them back. Fuck you if you disagree. Travis Barker had a drum solo where his platform spun around in the air and shit and went sideways. Pretty epic.

Dumpweed
Feeling This
Rock Show
I Miss You
What's My Age Again?
Down
First Date
Obvious
Man Overboard
Stockholm Syndrome
Going Away to College
All the Small Things
Not Now
Always
Josie
Adam's Song
Anthem, Pt. 2
drum solo for beginning of encore
Carousel
Dammit

Man, that was hard recalling all of that shit. Anyway, that kind of killed my feelings of wanting to blog right there.

Oh, and I don't know if it's official yet, but...ehh, fuck it. I shouldn't go sayin' shit like that without consent of people.

love,
Kyle

Hey Ginger whatever your fucking last name is!

2009-08-25T20:10:00.001-07:00

Fuck off. Eat a dick.

I've seen better days

2009-08-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, I saw Inglourious Basterds yesterday with Brittney, Shane, and Timmy. Fucking. Hilarious. Brilliant. Absolutely magnificent. Best movie I've seen in a good while, I think, and I've seen a lot of movies recently. I don't know, I guess it's hard to compare movies. I recommend it 300%, though. Brad Pitt was everything I was hoping for and then some. Man oh man oh MAN! And it was beautifully historically inaccurate (they shoot the living shit out of Hitler in the end).

Now onto bigger and better things! I came across, what we would call, a "poseur" today. And hey, fuck spell-check for telling me I spell "catalogue" incorrectly. That's how I spell it. Anyway, I go into FYE because my dad was taking Zane to the mall to get new shoes. I wanted to see if, by chance, they decided to start stocking American Steel, Bracket, Cobra Skulls, or anything else worth buying. Well, I was let down, of course. However, while hunting for American Steel, I saw a kid picking up the new Against Me! album, The Original Cowboy. "That's a really good one," I said to him, "I've heard it a few times." "Yeah, I like them. I actually going to go see them this summer, but I went to the Warped Tour instead." "Oh yeah?" I said curiously, "Who were they supposed to be touring with?" "Rise Against, I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Rise Against." I walked away, because I knew he was lying to me. He also thought I'd buy it because I was just a kid wearing a red t-shirt saying something about a 5K race, black cotton sweat shorts (Against Me!-esque pun intended), and my Nike running shoes. WRONG. I know better. First off, I know that Against Me! and Rise Against haven't toured since I've been following either of their music, to my knowledge. Secondly, I know that Rise Against was not touring with Against Me! but rather Billy Talent and Rancid this summer, seeing as I saw them personally. Thirdly, I know that Against Me! wasn't even touring this summer. This kid was also obviously lost because he was debating on whether to get the new Against Me! album, As I Lay Dying, or some other metalcore album. ...Excuse me, what? Not even worth talking to. Next.

Messaged Katie on AIM today. "Are you there?" "No." "Fair enough."

Man, I have just been leaving out one little detail about the present. TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! Fuuuuuck, man. However, for me, it is my last first day of school. Does that make it any more tolerable? Probably not. But! we'll take what comes and stick it out to June or late May. I haven't even thought about what to wear! Oh no! What are the people I've known my entire life going to think of me?! Guess I'm just gonna ruin first impressions, eh? Oh, and if all works out, I'm seeing blink-182 and Weezer on Thursday. I will be very, very upset if I don't, seeing as I've wanted to see both bands for quite some time now and tickets were $70 to see them. We just gotta find a way to get to Camden, New Jersey. Grrrrrr.

I'd like to say I have more for you tonight, but I don't! Oh, I did hurt my ankle again today at cross country. I hope it gets better and I don't end up being out for the season. Tomorrow, if you're lucky, I'll tell you all about my last first day of high school. I gotta start going to bed earlier now...

love,
Kyle

Hold the lettuce!

2009-08-23T16:03:00.001-07:00

Rumor has it Katie's supposed to text me today explaining what went on last night. Apparently Ginger was not told to call me or say any of those things and was probably just being a dumb drunk bitch. I'm awaiting my text message, though. We'll see where this goes. Hopefully this relationship doesn't end up like Thorns of Life, who just broke up before they even recorded an album yet they were highly anticipated. That was to be Blake Schwarzenbach's (ex-Jawbreaker/Jets to Brazil) new band and I was stoked, quite frankly. So once again, hopefully Katie will explain to me that all is not doomed? And again, we'll see where this goes. We should count the number of times I've said "we'll see" in the last 20 posts. Anyone want to for me?

I really want a job and a credit card because right now I need drum heads and CDs and no one sells the ones I want except for sites online. American Steel and Cobra Skulls please! And I can never remember what the kind of drumhead I want is called. I just looked it up for reference. It's called an

Evans ST Dry Coated Snare Drumhead.

Don't forget that, either. That's obviously very important. See, I need that for when we record again because my snare head is like dead and spray painted and stupid.

Who's excited about school on Wednesday? Anyone? I'm particularly not thrilled about long days of school directly followed by running for an hour and a half. At least I won't have to ride the bus this year, eh? Always look for positives. And I watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies this week now! Just finished the third one a few hours ago. As I said when I saw it for the first time years ago, the end is dragged out far too long. It probably could have ended 30 minutes before it does. I think they should have an extended version with all of that conclusion bullshit so it's optional. Once the ring is destroyed, who gives a shit, right? And I forgot to look and see if Frodo was still missing a finger in the end...

What should I watch now?

love,
Kyle

MAN, that was a bitch move!

2009-08-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

Oookay, so I'm pretty sure I just got broken up with in a very unique way. I guess it's unique. I don't know, you be the judge. So anyway, as I was saying earlier in a blog, I haven't heard from Katie in a few days and I was sorta worried about her because she usually doesn't disappear to this extent for this long. Well I tried talking to her on AIM as I do every night just to see if she's going to be there and a few minutes later, Ginger calls me from Katie's phone! So I think "Oh! Maybe Katie can't text me, so she's calling! It's about time I hear from her!" and I answer the phone and someone being a bitch, Ginger, is telling me, "This is Ginger and Katie's my girlfriend and you should quit texting her and sending her messages and get the hint that she doesn't want to talk to you." Some shit. Man, I'm not even upset because that was just like...someone removing a bullet from your body you didn't know was there. I'm almost relieved. But fuck, man, what the fuck was that? When did that happen? Like less than a month ago, she's all excited and loves me and is happy to be my girlfriend, two weeks later, she's joining the Navy, we quarrel a bit, but get over it and hope to make it through all of this together, then I don't hear from her for a while and it ends with this phone call from someone that's not even her! That's a unique way to die, Mario. Fuckin' Goombas.

So anyway, I don't really appreciate being treated like a little bitch and being strung around, which I said to her the other night since I hadn't heard from her and just wished she'd return a text now and then...and since this happened, it gave me incentive to say "Tell Ginger I appreciate her calling and being a bitch for you and I wish you'd have done it yourself about a week ago."

Damn! Okay, I feel better now. Kind of a disappointment...I was looking forward to all of that and I'd kinda put a ton of effort into making that work, but I guess it was a dud. Next!

love,
Kyle

A'ight, check it.

2009-08-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I've told the blogging world this yet or not...but I Forget is scrapping everything they've done on their new album up to this point. Yes, the 8 or 10 months we've spent in the studio will only be remembered as experience and not as part of our musical catalog. However, this does not mean that Everybody Sharts will not be released in the future. Similarly, Mark brought the book Everybody Hurts back from Myrtle Beach the other day, so I now have that to finish reading and to lend to my friends. If I haven't filled you in on it before, it's a book about emo culture published in 2007 or so. It seems more outdated than that, though, since they talk about Friendster being bigger than MySpace or something. Anyway, here's a description I found online, since I'm not that great of a book or any kind of reviewer.

"What is emo? For starters it's a form of melodic, confessional, or EMOtional punk rock. But emo is more than a genre of music–it's the defining counterculture movement of the '00s. EVERYBODY HURTS is a reference book for emo, tracing its angsty roots all the way from Shakespeare to Holden Caufield to today's most popular bands.

There's nothing new about that perfect chocolate and peanut butter combination––teenagers and angst. What is new is that emo is the first cultural movement born on the internet. With the development of early social networking sites like Make Out Club (whose mission is to unite "like–minded nerds, loners, indie rockers, record collectors, video gamers, hardcore kids, and artists through friendship, music, and sometimes even love") outcast teens had a place to find each other and share their pain, their opinions, and above all, their music–which wasn't available for sale at the local record store.

Authors Leslie Simon and Trevor Kelley lead the reader through the world of emo including its ideology, music, and fashion, as well as its influences on film, television, and literature. With a healthy dose of snark and sarcasm, EVERYBODY HURTS uses diagrams, illustrations, timelines, and step–by–step instructions to help the reader successfully achieve the ultimate emo lifestyle. Or, alternately, teach him to spot an emo kid across the mall in order to mock him mercilessly."

I injured my foot recently. See, I hurt it on Thursday running in Vans for cross country practice and then yesterday, we ran 5 miles and it hurt the entire time and when I quit running, I had a limp. So we were supposed to run all the way around Rocky Gap State Park this morning, which is somewhere between 6 and 8 miles I've heard, but I can barely walk, much less run. That sucks, because I wanted to run. Also, we have a thing on Monday that kind of determines where you fall varsity vs. JV. Oh well, I won't be here to race on Thursday anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter this week. I've got blink-182 and Weezer to see instead! Let's hope that that all works out.

I seriously have not heard from Katie like all week. And I don't think it's one of those "Let's not talk to Kyle" things, because she hasn't even been online on MySpace for a few days. Makes me worry a little since she was sick earlier this week and I haven't heard from her and she lives an hour and a half away and I have no way of checking in on her well-being. Hmm. But what can you do? I choose to go on with my life and figure out what's going on when the information gets to me.

So in doing that, I went to Nick's party last night. Total sausage fest. He said there'd be girls. There weren't. He said there'd be a band. There wasn't (our bad). He said uhh...I guess that's all he really said about it other than there was a pool and there was one of those. Poor Nick. Only a couple of guys show up. Oh well, we had fun nonetheless. We swam in the poo', ate Doritos, talked about Nick's sister and mom, called bitches, watched last year's talents how DVD, talked about radical religious people, and Brittney showed up and we played all of our new songs for the people that were still there. Overall: a good, fun night.

I have a drum set at my house now. It sits about a foot from my bed. It's comforting. It's almost like having a desirable woman in your bedroom at all times. You always want to bang her. Even at the most god-forsaken hours of the night. It's Brittney's drum set, but it's got enough on it to keep me happy and satisfied until I get my own drum set back from the studio. However, we need to finish the album first. I also need a new snare head for it. Lots of shit to do and no time to do it! I promise you that this album will be worth the wait. And worth its weight...in gold.

So this week has ended up being pretty good. I wasn't so sure if I wanted to be alive or not towards the beginning of it. School starts in less than a week, so I probably won't want to be alive come Wednesday. In fact, I'll essentially be dead to the world when I have to wake up at 7 AM or so and drive to school. Lordy, lord.

JIM LEFT PENNYWISE?! Okay, week just went sour again.

love,
Kyle

Barack Obama wants to put us all in word jail

2009-08-19T12:11:00.000-07:00

So last night I was in a pretty piss-poor mood. I about got very angry with my good friend Tim, so I decided it'd be better if I just got some sleep. I went to couch at 10 PM and slept until 2 AM. When I woke up, I finished watching American Graffiti, and two of the people in the movie that loved each other kind of made me jealous because I've not been in the most loving relationship here lately, so that kind of set me off even more and I texted Katie saying things that I guess I really meant but may regret later today. It was basically me saying to quit stringing me along and love me or dump me because I cannot take the stress of never hearing from her. I mean it's one thing to be in a long distance relationship and barely see your partner, but to barely hear from them? That's just rough. Especially when you know damn well they can text you back when you drop them a line. Sooo, we'll see if I get dumped today, if I'll get an apology of sorts today, or if I'll receive no word whatsoever today. Cross your fingers.

I watched this movie called Firewall that has Harrison Ford in it because I've been on this Harrison Ford movie kick. I'd never heard of the movie. I was actually looking for Blade Runner in the movie store, but I saw this movie first, so I took it up and rented it. When I got home, I looked up some reviews on it and a site called Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 19% saying that the plot twists are improbable and Harrison Ford's role did him no justice or something like that. So I kind of set my standards a little lower when watching the movie. To be completely honest with everyone, myself included, I thought it was one of the most intense movies I've seen in a while. Definitely kept me at the edge of my seat, but not in an action-packed way. What happens is that Harrison Ford's character works at this bank and designed the software that keeps everyone's account codes safe and all that jazz. Well this bad guy man has done all of this research on Ford's character and has his people hold his family and him hostage. Ford then has to "break in" to the bank for the bad guy. Pretty intense when the family tries to sneak out or when the little boy almost dies or when Ford tries to trick the people and just everything. There's a lot of psychological shit in there. I thought it was a good movie and the end of it had me real tense and the dog though I was going to have a heart attack.

So punknews.org has told me that Weezer's new album is to be called Raditude. No one on that site likes Weezer. They call all blow me one by one. I kind of hate the punk scene at times. There really is not that respect they say they have. I mean, Weezer never claimed to be punk, so why is everyone so quick to say that they hate geek rock? Who gives a shit if you hate geek rock? What the fuck does that even mean? If Rivers Cuomo didn't wear those glasses, would they be in the same genre? Fuckin' dicks. Also, as Brendan announced two days ago, The Lawrence Arms' new 7" will be called Buttsweat and Tears. It took punknews.org until just today to announce that. Come on, we need a better news team than this! If we didn't find out that the Twin Towers went down until September 13...it just wouldn't have had the same impact...pun intended. I do, as I may have said before, find it to be very funny that punknews.org takes whatever Brendan Kelly posts in his blog as legitimate news. You have to search through his stories of butt-fucking and toilets at venues with shit piled past the seat to find the "news."

Okay, so you want me to add to the ridiculous album names? I Forget's new album is going to be called Everyone Sharts. Like when you fart and shit comes out? You should know what it means. Why are we calling it that? Well because album title idea 1 did not work out because the picture did not work out. So maybe Is Your Mom Still Around? will be released later. Guess we'll have to see whether or not we care.

Cross country has been a pain in my ass almost literally. My ass doesn't hurt compared to my legs and calves, though. I guess it could be worse. I can actually walk, but when I'm actually running, it's just hell. We ran a plain terrible course today. I probably ran at least 5 or 6 miles. They don't pay me enough...and one of the reasons I started getting pissed yesterday was that I came to realize that I can't go to Hagerstown to see Katie this week because cross country rehearsal is at 3:30 PM starting tomorrow and that goes on until the season is over. That really bummed me out and made me irritated. Life in that department seems to get progressively more difficult...and what do you do about it?

Here's a list of the movies I've watched in the past week:

-Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
-Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
-Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
-Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
-Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
-Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
-SLC Punk
-The Fugitive
-Firewall
-American Graffiti

I believe that's it...and Harrison Ford is in 6 of those 10 listed. I've been meaning to start watching the Lord of the Rings series this week, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Perhaps I'll start tonight. Depends on my mood. You need a solid 3 hours of nothing planned to do each of those. Party at Nick's house this Friday!

love,
Kyle

Last night (I had a dream that we went to Disney Land)

2009-08-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

Last night, I spent more time watching The Fugitive, learning Billy Talent songs, and talking to Timmy than I did sleeping. I spent probably five hours trying to watch The Fugitive online because of that shitty site. I slept for but one hour. Then I woke up and went running. I'd say I ran 4 or 5 miles this morning. Then I took everyone's plastic bottles home with me, tried finding Morgan's house to pick up SLC Punk, failed, went home, and took a nice shower. I called Morgan and I'm gonna pick it up later today. I'm thinking about becoming nocturnal or something because sleeping at night really hasn't been working for me in the past week.

I also downloaded a bunch of Anti-Flag last night! I downloaded the rest of The Terror State, which I didn't feel bad about because we owned that album before my sister gave it away. I still have the case to it and everything...minus the booklet thing. I wish we had that because Anti-Flag always have some very interesting and moving words of wisdom. Makes me cry like a little bitch baby sometimes. Speaking of which, I'd like to go see Katie this week and maybe take her to see The Time Traveler's Wife. Tim said the guy dies in the end, but shhh, don't tell her. I'm hoping maybe once she sees that being away for long periods of time makes for sadness that she'll want to maybe not be in the Navy as much. But who knows? I guess it's a little selfish to assume that I alone am enough to keep her completely satisfied in life, though I wish I could do that...

Anyway, I've started recycling at my mom's house because it just needed to happen. Now that I've been drinking multiple bottles of water a day, I figured they'd be much better spent being recycled than thrown into a trash dump to be water bottles in trash cans until bacteria learns how to digest plastic. I had this thought earlier, and maybe it's completely ridiculous, but I think it'd be awesome if we used recycled plastic to make giant land platforms to put in the arctic so that if all of the ice melts for the polar bears, they have at least something to stand on. I don't know, maybe that's ridiculous, but I thought it was a worth while idea...

I wish I was going to see Off With Their Heads tomorrow, but by the time I realized I wouldn't be going to my dad's on that day, it was...like less than a week ago. So I didn't even bother asking and my aunt could use the money we'd spend going out there. Tickets are only $8, though. I really want to see them one day, too. Maybe when they go on tour with D4 or Against Me! again, eh? And Alkaline Trio, The Lawrence Arms, and American Steel need to tour together again. I hate myself for missing that shit. That's like the best idea for a tour I've ever heard.

The more I write blogs, the more I realize that I must not analyze people and situations much...I seem to just report what happened in my day more than anything else. I guess that means I'm not a descriptive writer. And I'm also a bad secretary since people keep calling for my mother, telling me to tell her things, and as soon as I hang up, I completely forget what I was told. That's one career path I'll not go down, I've decide. So that helps. No descriptive writing jobs, no secretary jobs. Got it.

love,
Kyle

"I need to shave my ass!"

2009-08-15T22:48:00.000-07:00

I guess I should explain this title before people start wondering things about me. So I was reading reviews on Alkaline Trio albums because I know how skeptical people have been with their change of sound over the years and wanted to see some scores and some responses. Well this particular comment I came across was in response to a review of Good Mourning.

"i saw matt skiba walking down hollywood blvd... and he bent over to tie his shoe, and the ass of his pants ripped right in half... you could see his butt cheeks and stuff.... he has the hairiest ass in this universe.... keep rocking king kong... their next album should be called... i need to shave my ass!!"

-Anonymous (unfortunately)

I almost wish we hadn't titled our new album already because that has to be the greatest album title of all time. I'm probably the only person on this earth that thinks that...but the fucking delivery of that comment...I don't even know what their point was. It was fucking hilarious, though. Anyway, since it was on a review of an album (even though that comment had nothing to do with reviewing music), I'll speak my piece on reviewing music and all of that.

Okay, well here's the thing, I think: you cannot rate an album based on a band's prior catalog. I mean, you can, obviously, but really? Say a man is a visual artist. He draws beautiful pictures of birds. Always birds. Perfect pictures of birds. One day he draws a picture of a cat. Now, is that picture any better or worse because it's not a picture of a bird? Fucking NO! It's just not! It is what it goddamn is! New Wave isn't an anarcho punk album. What the fuck are you going to do about it? Kill Tom Gabel? As Brendan Kelly put it when explaining how a new song he wrote ended up with some ska in it (he's not a fan of ska very much, like myself), "Have you ever apologized for a turd?" It is what it goddamn is! I Forget's new album has no ska. Gonna come tear my penis off? Davey Havok writes very melodic vocal parts now, Dillinger Four's recordings are clearer, Propagandhi aren't a pop punk band anymore, Alkaline Trio's music evolved. Are you going to just, for lack of a cheesier way to put it, bomb the music industry? You'll save yourself a lot of grief if you don't hold bands to standards and just take it as it is. Serj from System of a Down was talking years ago how when writing their last albums that he wasn't going to try to outdo Toxicity because there's no point in it. As Brendan Kelly put that, "[Listening to your own records for inspiration is] like eating your poo to get nutrients."

Anyway, yeah, that's why you shouldn't base whether an album stands alone at being good or bad based on previous works. I also wish everyone, myself included, would not like or dislike a band for what genre they're in or whatever. Let me try to explain myself...I don't have any examples, really. But like...like or dislike a band's music for what is there, what it sounds like, what you think of it. Don't like or dislike it because that band belongs to a certain group of other bands that you either like or dislike. Like I hate Mayday Parade because they fit in with All Time Low, BoysLikeGirls, Hit the Lights, yadda yadda yadda. But have I ever actually listened to Mayday Parade? No. The reason for that, however, is because I don't give a shit about scenester bands with cute hair and neon shirts and that's the end of that discussion. But seriously, does that make me right? No. Do I care? No. I have enough good music that I like all sides of that I don't have to worry about making compromises like "Ehh, the music's okay, but they look like they want to get laid." I'm making my points very poorly tonight...

I slept for hours last night! Two, in fact! When I woke up, I went on down to the Canal Place in Cumberland and started running for an hour straight. Nick, Brad, Johnny, and I ran through Martin's. That's a somewhat unique thing to be able to claim, I feel. Anyway, long story short, the cross country team broke off and ran about Cumberland for an hour. Coach Moreland said we probably ran at least 6 miles each. That's kind of awesome. I uhh...after like 45 minutes, everything quit hurting and I quit breathing hard. I wasn't sure if I'd died and left my physical body a few streets back. Runner's high, I guess? It was an awesome feeling. Willie said I'm one of those people.

And today I finished watching all of the Star Wars movies...ending somewhere in the middle of Episode V. See, I caught Episode V on TV the other day but it'd already started, I finished it, watched VI, then I, II, III, IV, and V up to the point I'd seen. So it was a rather strange order to go about it, but hey, got the job done. And you know what I learned from it all? Three things. 1. Being a Jedi Night would be fucking badass. 2. Having a baby might just destroy the balance of the whole universe and cause mass death to planets and nations. And 3. If someone's giving you shit, just cut their arm off!

Okay, so I want a written I Forget interview done and a video interview and for someone to professionally take our picture. I think that's gonna happen. But I'm still putting that on the table. I love you all.

love,
Kyle

Another day, another Star Wars movie

2009-08-13T21:37:00.000-07:00

Funny how Natalie Portman was Queen Amidala in the prequel Star Wars movies. It's funny because of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VSJwWP8NqI

It wouldn't let me put an embedded link on here. It's pretty fucking hilarious, though. Andy Samberg is in it. If that's not entertainment, then I don't know what is. Speaking of which, I watched the movie Funny People today. Once again, Adam Sandler is in a movie that makes me want to not get old and to live every day to its fullest and to not fuck shit up with things you love. My biggest fear is fucking shit up, truly. As I say, I'm not the most secure person I know and I worry about things going wrong quite often...Timmy was right when he said Eminem was the best part of the movie, though. Pretty fuckin' great part he had. He just played Marshall Mathers, but who gives a fuck? Marshall Mathers is a fuckin' nut case as it is, so it didn't matter. He's a very funny and offensive person all the time. Did you know that he is the best-selling musical act of the decade? You know, he might not be the face of my favorite genre, but I'm glad he's keeping his genre out of the complete shitter. Gotta love me some Eminem.

Now this brings me to something I have to hate and that is breaking guitar strings. Do you know how much I hate breaking guitar strings? I'd rather tear a chunk of my hair out sometimes. Well what's worse than me breaking a guitar string is little kids breaking a guitar string because they think it's fun to come to my house when I'm asleep and play with the machine heads and put my guitar in a ridiculous tuning. Yeah, real funny. Even funnier when a string breaks when trying to put it back to the way it's supposed to be. I should go over to their house (my little cousins', that is) and stomp on their toys and take them apart and ruin their shit. Fuckin' communists.

I want some food. I want some easy-to-make food, but I ate all of the Poptarts. I don't want to warm up vegetarian vegetable soup or Spaghetti-O's again. I'm not in the mood for that. What I'd really like would be a Klondike bar or a granola bar. You know, something you could grab on your way out of the house to eat within 3 minutes that just keeps you happy. That's the kind of food I like the most, I believe. A banana. That'd be fine, too. And I love cereal, but I've had probably 3 or 4 bowls of that already today. So what is one to do? I'm gonna make Morningstar sausage is what I'm going to do right now. mmm-MMM that's good.

Now that that's out of the way, I've learned that I got 45 grams of protein from sausage alone today. That's not bad at all. And all without eating animals! See, it's not so hard, folks. Just eat your Morningstar and Boca food and you're set. It doesn't leave you with that feeling of total shit when you're done eating it, either.

Does anyone want to take bets on whether or not I get up after turning the alarm off in the morning? It's like a 50/50 thing. I'm going to try to shut down the computer and turn off the lights and attempt to sleep by 1:30 this morning instead of 4 like most nights. Buuut Tim just got back from a movie, so that's probably not gonna happen now. So back to nights of 3 or 4 hours of sleep. Wonderful. I'd say that tomorrow is the last day of cross country running in the morning this week but it's not! We're doing it on Saturday morning, too! Around the whole lake, which I do believe to be 5 miles. Once again, I'd rather be training to be a Jedi Night than just a school sport. So much more badass.

I need a job here soon. I'm thinking Walmart, Lowes, Jerry's, Denny's. Something like that. I'd only do Walmart because my sister works there and it'd be convenient and all. I'm getting side-tracked by talking to people, so I'll leave you with this: stay in school. Don't do drugs. Pot is illegal. Oh, and I wish this was our cross country motto this year: We're high because we run on grass.

love,
Kyle

I sit in solitude only thinkin' of you and me

2009-08-12T23:46:00.000-07:00

So I kinda broke new ground today running-wise. This time I went 40 minutes straight...something I'd not have been able to do two weeks ago. Probably not even ten days ago. That's not implying that I enjoyed doing it, because I didn't. It goddamn blew. Like I said, you like running for the feeling you get when it's over. It's like putting yourself through hell so you can realize how good you have it for the rest of the day. Kinda weird. Kinda like how you take for granted that maybe you don't see your girlfriend much, but at least she's not in the Navy, right? Yeah, I never cherished the times that I could have said that. I can say that my girlfriend is alive and that's great, right? Bad thing right now is that I can get away with saying my girlfriend isn't talking to me. Ehh, it'll all be okay. She's going through a rough time, I've gathered.

So anyway, back to the running thing. Waking up is hell at 7 AM. Driving is hell at 7:15 AM. Running is very much hell at 7:30 AM. Breathing is heaven at 9 PM. Showering is heaven at 9:15 AM. Going back to bed is very much heaven at 9:30 AM. I wish I'd cherish this time that I could be spending sleeping right now by doing just that, but my mind wanders too much at night. Did I live the day to a standard worth living? Did I forget anything important? Is Katie going to be in a better mood to talk to tomorrow? When will I see her again? When are we recording again? Where the hell is Timmy? I love Alkaline Trio. I wish I was Matt Skiba. Wouldn't that be awesome if I was? Do you think Matt Skiba had girl problems as a teenager?

I can go on forever and that's kind of my problem is that I do inside my head. All I should be thinking is: today went the way it did and you can't change it. Live tomorrow to its fullest. Hope that Katie will come around soon. Hope she will decide against the Navy. Hope that she'll move back here. Hope that the future will be amazing. Know that your new album will be amazing. Get some fucking sleep because in the morning, it's going to be hell.

I always get too cocky. Look here, getting a girlfriend doesn't necessarily solve your girl problems. I always told myself and my friends often tell themselves, "If you get a girlfriend, all of your problems will be solved." Well I got one. I got the one girl in the world that I wanted more than any other. Mine. Exclusively. But, look, all of my problems aren't magically gone. She's still having troubles in her life, I am in mine, she still lives an hour and a half away, she's now enlisting in the Navy, she's got tons of problems at home, she doesn't know how to act around me or anyone else at this point, I don't know when I can go visit her. That's a lot of problems. See, before she was my girlfriend, a lot of those things weren't really any of my concern. I guess they still don't have to be, but point is that she's my girlfriend and it'd probably be good for us to talk and see each other because that's truthfully how it's supposed to work. I goddamn wish she still lived 5 minutes down the road and I saw her every night at either my house or hers or in town. I goddamn wish she still road the same school bus to school with me and sat with me every morning and afternoon. But that is a little unrealistic anymore...especially considering she graduated and doesn't ride buses anywhere anymore. Learn, adjust, move on, repeat. That's all life is, as I see it. You can't get caught up in how great the good ol' days were, though it's easy to do.

I don't really know what my point to any readers is other than take my word for it when I say that being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean your problems are solved. Can it mean that? Sure, I suppose. If your problems are that you have no one to be with and love and be with exclusively, then yes, a relationship can probably solve all of those things. Long distance sucks, though, man. And not like this whole "Oh I won't see her for a long time and she's so far away. How will I resist all of these temptations?" because no, that's bullshit. I'm not dating Katie because I lacked that figure in my life, I am because I care very much about her and want to be with her. Let me make that clear. With her not just somebody. But long distance sucks because I cannot see her very often. Man, fuck all you cheaters. That's just kind of pathetic if you can't wait so long to see your partner that you have to break trust and be dishonest with them. Fucking ridiculous. Bleh. I'm preaching a lot, aren't I?

So anyway, I don't know what Katie's going through right now, but I'm pretty sure it's nothing against me personally, so I'm not going to fucking flip my shit over it. Shit happens. A lot. If, however, she is hiding something she's got against me personally, then fine. Fuck it. I'll deal with it. If that means we're over, though I'd really hope not, then I'll live. Shit. fucking. happens. Once again, not sure what my point is here, but I'mma deal and I'mma be just alright. I'll get upset and bent out of shape if and only if she shows me there is a problem between us. I just get so frustrated when people come to me with relationship problems saying, "He didn't smile, wink, and wave to me today in the hallway and was only online for 20 minutes today. Do you think he's cheating on me?" No, based on that, I don't. But what if he is? Why don't you fucking ask him instead of worrying about it based on petty little bullshit things? And I know, everyone reading this is thinking Kyle comes to me and tells me about petty little bullshit things all of the time. Yeah, so I do. But I don't usually associate them with, "Is she going to dump me?!" I'll admit that I just need someone to talk to and express what's on my mind and what I've observed. Don't know where I'm going with this, I just wish people would take a chill pill every once in a while.

I hope this whole post read in one continuous stream is a lot less monotonous as I feel it's coming from my fingers. I feel like I'm simply bitching in circles, but hey, maybe I am. I'll just sit here and think of nothing 'cause nothing keeps me sane.

love,
Kyle

Sorry I'm late...you know, I was out spoiling my liver.

2009-08-11T21:31:00.000-07:00

The sun was up for far too long today. I was up until 4 and then got up at 7, went to the school, and ran up the hill next to the high school baseball field 8 times. Good way to start the day! Then my Lawrence Arms shirt was just drenched in sweat. Just drenched. Felt like I'd gotten that right out of the wash. Yum. That's labor, my friends. Baths feel sooo good afterward, too. Running is kind of something that...I don't know if you get lost in it, but when it's over, you just feel like you pulled off some crazy feat. Whatev. It's a weird thing.

I have been sitting here for hours trying to come up with material. How about this...umm...what's everyone's views on...evolution? I watched Idiocracy last night and it was more on de-evolution where intelligence failed because intelligent people don't have kids or at least not 8 kids. Okay, for those of you who haven't seen it, which I've found out is a lot of you, Luke Wilson (the actor) is picked for this top secret government project to be used in an artificial hibernation thing or whatever you want to call it and they were going to put him and this prostitute they got in these cases for a year and let them out and see if they were preserved. Well Luke Wilson was picked because he was very average in like everything and had no immediate family or anything. Thing was, the project was shut down before it was carried out and because it was top secret, the people that came in and destroyed the building didn't know about the project, so they remained in their cases for 500 years and a Fuddruckers was built ontop of the place. Well as the years progressed and people got stupider, the language lessened and Fuddruckers ultimately became Buttfuckers, which I thought was very funny. Very funny movie. Anyway, Luke Wilson ends up being the smartest person on earth because everyone has grown so stupid. Excellent point done in a very humorous way. They quit drinking water and it was replaced by a product called Brandow which is like an energy drink or Gatorade because the company bought out like everything. Also very funny and satirical. Good movie.

I'd like to hope that doesn't really happen, but look at how we're trashing the language and education as it is. I saw a commercial for the Jay Leno Show today where he is with a girl on the street and points to an American flag and says "How many stars are on that flag?" and she says "I can't count them. It's moving too fast." I mean, haha, funny, she's an idiot. At the same time, not funny. She's a full-grown woman and doesn't realize that there is a star for each of the 50 United States on the fucking flag. Every 2nd grader in America is supposed to know that. If this is the face of America, if this is the future of English, if brokeNCYDE is the future of music, then I'm out, man. It's something you can laugh at now, but in 5 years, this shit will become the norm and you'll be finding chatspeak in first college essays, then textbooks, then dictionaries, and then legal documents. Who's to say? It's far too tolerated. Same goes with the music. It's funny a little bit at first, but when bands like brokeNCYDE start popping up everywhere and start selling music and reaching Billboard Top 200, it's not as funny anymore.

On a brighter note, I'm following everyone in Alkaline Trio on Twitter where they post pictures and news about their new album now and then. Totally stoked for this. I've never been this prematurely stoked for an album. I usually at least know the album name first, but then again, I dunno. I'm stoked, though. Genuinely stoked. I've been watching Youtube videos of new songs they've been demoing to crowds on their most recent tour. At least bands like Alkaline Trio still exist who can write good songs. And even we in I Forget are trying our best to write good material and not conform with modern pop punk or crunk or any of that shit. Oh, and Alkaline Trio is the only reason I keep a Twitter at this point.

Who is spreading the word about I Forget on Facebook? We keep getting more "fans" and I'm not doing shit. I added people like once. I don't know most of the people on there. We're up to 126 which isn't bad considering...like I just said, I haven't been doing shit. That and there's really nothing to see there on our Facebook page. I'm hoping to get our music put up there, but I'm too lazy to do the verification thing. I can't wait until we start touring and once we get our new album finished. I wanna send demos to some clubs in Baltimore and maybe Pittsburgh where we can get a few hundred people to come see us each night. That'd be sweet. It'd be even cooler if we ended up opening for a band we love. I don't know how all of that works.

Okay, that kind of concludes all of this. I watched Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back today and I wish there was a place people could train to be Jedi Masters. I wish I could wear a Yoda on my back while at cross country.

love,
Kyle

Drinking to keep from heaving

2009-08-09T18:40:00.000-07:00

This was an eventful weekend of sorts! And I also feel it was an overall positive weekend. So this is how it all played out...

So on Friday night, I got to talk to Katie and hear that she had a reason for signing up for the Navy in that she's unhappy living the life she's living now. Hearing a straightforward and honest answer and hearing that she'd still like me to be a part of her life made my week a lot more enjoyable. I was stressed out pretty bad over that whole thing...so we'll take it from here.

Then I stayed up 'till 2 AM and had to wake up at 6:30 AM! That was just great. I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning, too. Fuckin' cross country. Well on Saturday I ran my first 5K race thing. I got like 24:18. I was 48th of 117 people. I guess I'm mediocre for now. However, this is the first time I've ever played a "sport" in my life, so give me a break. I'm generally a very lazy person.

Later on Saturday, after sleeping for hours, I went to Caleb's birthday party. There we uhh...well, I played a lot of guitar and sang a lot and realized I've yet to get my highest vocal chords back. And we sat around a fire and Caleb and Jim burned their feet and Tim and I laughed at their expense. It was an overall good time at least for me. Only complaint is that my leg muscles still are sore, but at least I don't have second degree burns on my feet.

Then I slept, dreamt, ate breakfast, went home, slept, and watched Gran Torino. Man, that's a fucking epic movie. Clint Eastwood will be badass until the day he dies. Guess that's all I have to say there.

And I guess that's basically all there is to know about me right now. Yep. Don't have the slightest fucking clue what I'm doing this week.

love,
Kyle

Yeah, so what?!

2009-08-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

I've not written in 4 days, but what's it to ya? How the fuck do you follow that last one up? "Yeah, well you see, my girlfriend joined the Navy today. In other news...well, fuck. That sucks, doesn't it?" Well here's a logical follow-up. Katie is going through with this. She really went to whatever city in Maryland and did her testing, her physical, and was assigned where to go. I didn't talk to her yesterday, the day before, and have you to hear from her today, so I really don't have the insider's scoop. Last time I spoke with her was after she did the testing and she scored better than the rest of the girls. She seemed irritated with me that day, so I've backed off. We'll see how we're doing later today, I assume.

So here's my bad follow-up. I guess it's like gonna be the Green Album to Pinkerton in comparison. Well, maybe not. This is kind of awesome. So Alkaline Trio are recording with Matt Allison again. That's the guy that did their first couple of records and also records with The Lawrence Arms and shit. Producer from Chicago. Very cool. No, fucking amazingly cool. Do you know how good the records he puts out always are? They're fucking amazing. Goddamnit? Oh! Calcutta!? Maybe I'll Catch Fire? This Sinking Ship (I think)? Come on. Their new album is just gonna haul some major ass and that's all there is to it. It'll make Agony & Irony look like the Green Album and this will be up there with Pinkerton, I'm almost positive. Maybe that's not as exciting to everyone as it is to me. What if I said Matt Skiba's going to do a solo album with Asian Man Records? Would that excite you? Well consider that I just said it, because I just did.

Hey Blair, FUCK YOU for telling me Alkaline Trio is lame and un-legit. You can pick on me for some things but Alk3 is like...making fun of a crippled. You just don't do that without looking like an asshole. Come on!

In further news, I've been running cross country for a week now and BOY...it's alright. I think it'll be enjoyable. No band. I'm home now. No 50-pound drums are on my shoulders. I'm laying down instead of standing straight up with my feet and heels together in the middle of a field with the sun beating down onto me in my shirt and shorts giving me a fucking retarded farmer's tan. Nope, I'm laying in my bed typing right here. And here in a minute, I'm gonna go grocery shopping. Tim will be here at some point to finish his work here. My mom paid him $100 yesterday. Good workin' kid he is. Everyone's just getting more physically active, it seems. Let's review:

-I run every morning (and sometimes in the evenings) for miles
-Timmy comes to my house and does manual labor
-Brittney is playing basketball regularly
-Shane still goes to the gym very regulary
-Katie is joining the motherfucking Navy

Those are some major calories if you put them all together, I'm sure. If Katie does this and we're still together through it all, she's gonna come back and she's gonna be able to kick my ass all over the place. I guess that means I have to keep myself in shape through it all. I guess it's a good thing, though, that we're all at least trying to stay healthy. Especially since most of us believe that when we die, it's over and it'd probably be best to stay here as long as we can and be healthy while we're doing it.

We were supposed to have played a show last night but as I had the feeling, it went terribly wrong and didn't happen in the end. Long story, I guess. Everything is a long story. I've been talking to this girl named Alex who is always at local shows and was wearing a Cramps shirt when we played Salvation Army and I told her about the show yesterday and she came with a couple of her friends and what happens? Well nothing. Show can't go on because Jason forgets things and didn't remember us confirming that we could do a show. So we all ended up going out to eat Denny's. It was me, Brittney, Shane, Timmy, Alex the boy, Alex the girl, Amanda, and Alex the girl's friend Kirby who also comes to see us a lot. And we ate cheese fries and drank water because we're collectively poor. Brittney needs $280, so if you'd like to donate to the Get Brittney Some Money Because She Overdrew Fund, please do so. I'm getting her $70 today if she comes over while I'm here.

Anyway, I'm kind of tired because I've been waking up at 7 AM. I have to wake up at 6:30 AM on Monday and get to the middle school by 7. I'm not looking forward to that. I'm gonna run a 5K race tomorrow. That's 3.1 miles for the metrically challenged (like myself). Once again, to the religious ones, pray for me in that and for Katie and I to be alright through this since my regular readers should have a grasp on just how hard, persistently, and thoroughly I've been after her and how much she means to me. Anyone have any stories about people they've known going into the military and how often they get to see them? I'd like to know what to prepare myself for.

love,
Kyle

Tonight is the worst night of my life (quite possibly)

2009-08-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

Funny because it rhymes with "Today is the first day of my life." But no, nothing is funny right now. No, Katie told me a little bit ago...well. I asked her to tell me all about her day. "Okay, be prepared. Woke up, ate breakfast, went shopping, enlisted in the navy, went out for lunch, visited my aunt, ran 3 miles, took a nap, and now im sitting on the couch." Hold it, what? Yeah. That's what I thought. I felt my heart jump into my throat, which really hurts right now because my throat is already fighting with my voice box for room. I've got laryngitis. So I think she must be shitting me or I must not understand what's going on. Enlisted in the fucking Navy? The Navy. The US Navy? The United States Naval Academy thing? You got that right. So okay, let's backtrack. Let's review the past 8 months I've spent trying to get with Katie. (Reading every blog I've ever posted will give you a better idea of the deeper feelings behind each event.) So I meet her, decide she's interesting, decide she's interested in me, decide I like her, find out she likes me back, hang out with her very often, she leaves abruptly, I try keeping in tact, we lose each other, she comes to a show of mine, we fight, we lose each other again, we talk it out and work it out, I buy her tickets to see Paramore, she can't come see them, we keep talking anyway, we catch up with each other, she comes and visits me randomly one day, we start dating, we make plans for the future, I adjust my life to fit her in it, she enlists in the Navy...and everything is shot to pieces so it seems. Maybe it's not. I fucking pray to fucking whatever or whoever of fucking something that it's not over. I goddamn care a lot about Katie Mullan. I can honestly say that Belle is the only other person I've ever felt like this for.

So like any normal human being that doesn't know what to say or do when in shock, I start saying things that come off as mean and unsupportive. It's no secret. I do not support joining the military. Fuck militarism. I hate recruiters. They lie and persuade at any costs to get more bodies to enlist. And poor Katie is taking the bait. I'm sorry, Katie, but I really don't think it's going to be anything like you think. You aren't taking control of your life. You're giving it away. You aren't going to make $80,000 a year at your rank. You aren't going to have an "ordinary job." You are going to be working on a military ship for months at a time out at sea. You aren't going to come back in 4 years and buy a home and easily raise a family, though that'd be great for us. That's the portrait they paint for you to join. That's not what a photograph would look like, though. I totally wish she understood this. I wish I could shoot her with a sense-making dart or some shit. Anything to keep her from going off to boot camp and then to wherever they station her. Anything. I have busted my ass trying to find time to be with her and I am always very nice when something comes up and I can't see her because my logic is that one day, it'll pay off and I'll get my time in.

She tells me she gets time to come home every month. First off, I doubt that seriously. Secondly, she'll probably be put in a place where it won't be easy for her to go from there to here and back. And third of all, how often does she see me now? Four times a year? If she does get to come back, I feel I'm not going to be the one she comes and visits. I don't feel that that's being pessimistic, either. That's me being honest and realistic about things.

And here is my absolute truth: I never really expected for Katie to go to Maine with Tim, Brittney, and I. God, that's such a stretch. And that talk about getting married and living together for a long time? Sure, that'd be fucking excellent, but was I writing that in the history book of my life in pen as if it might as well already have happened? No. I didn't even put it on my blog. What gets me though is that now, if she really goes through with this, takes her tests, gets checked, gets assigned a location and position, and makes it through bootcamp and leaves in the Navy, now we don't even get a shot at that. There's no fun apartment in Maine waiting for all of us and her. I'd love there to be. I hope by some stroke of luck or by a choice things turn around and that can happen. But if she really gets to go through with this, it's not going to.

I feel so selfish sometimes. But in all honesty, I've been very patient with her. I've waited 8 months and have been very persistant with trying to be with her. I haven't had a girlfriend in almost 2 years until now. I just want a happy and simple and love-filled relationship with her. I don't want her to go on a boat. I don't want her to leave me. I want her to follow her dreams, yes. If I really felt she was planning on going to like New York to follow some dream of hers or sometehing random like that, that's one thing. But her dream is not to work on a Naval ship, I'm sorry. She might feel like it's the right thing to do at this point in time, but it's not. Maybe I'm close-minded, but I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy. Caleb has been in the Young Marines or Sea Cadets for years now and has abadoned it because they're so full of shit in everything they promise. I believe that perspective more than the one Katie's gotten from talking to a recruiter for a day or whatever. Goddammit goddammit goddammit I wish I could change everything.

I feel like this is how my mom feels about me moving away. At least my mom knows where I'm going, who I'm going with, when I'm going, how long I'm going for, how far away it is, and all of those things. And she lives with me every day at this point. I guess this brings to the forefront that I really should be spending more quality time with my dad because I'm going to be a lot less present in his life before too long and I don't see him every day. If this is all a test from "God" so I can see through my dad's eyes and Katie doesn't really leave, then that's a cruel authority figure. But I'd happily let it be just that. I hate this right now. Relationships can suck. I wish my happiness lasted longer than like 8 or 9 days for once. All of you with religions, please pray for me. Pray that my happiness returns and things work out for me for at least a while. I want at least a shot at a normal relationship. That's all I ask. Shouldn't I be getting breaks for the attempt of trying to date a girl who lives 90 miles away? You people with girlfriends down the street don't know what it's like...but this is life, I guess. It really sucks this instant. To all of my friends who have been talking to me tonight through this: thank you very much. I really, really need a hug. A hug from my girlfriend would be ideal!!!

love,
Kyle

Your Ass Aint Laughin' Now

2009-08-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

I absolutely need the new American Steel album in my possession. It's probably the best album I've heard all year and I've heard the new Propagandhi album and Anti-Flag and...lots of shit. That song "Safe And Sound" is just a perfect song. If it were played on the radio, I would be able to stand it being played every 5 minutes. It's that fucking great every time. It's one of those songs with a minor feel in the verses and then a very powerful and very major chorus. Fucking incredible. And the whole album is just like bringing old American Steel to new American Steel and throwing some Alkaline Trio in there with it, which is just fucking great in my opinion. Goddamn I'm listening to it now.

Well like I went to Hagerstown, as I think I said in my last blog, and they didn't have it. I got Paint It Black, I think I said. If I didn't say that, then I'm saying it now. I'll have to order it straight from Fat Wreck, I guess. I don't think I'm seeing Off With Their Heads because see, I'm trying to change the day I see my dad from Thursdays to Tuesdays because I Forget tends to play lots of shows on Thursdays and my mom is busy on Tuesdays as it is, so it'd make sense to change it. Well August 18th is a Tuesday, so I probably won't be able to get out to Baltimore to see OWTH on that day now. Bummer. I don't really care but I do. I've seen so many great bands this year already. Some of my absolute favorites. I really want to see American Steel, The Lawrence Arms, and Against Me! now. OWTH is like on my secondary list. Whatev. I'll see them one day because they never quit touring.

Much like Brittney, I got my hair cut last night. It's shorter than it's been in probably almost 8 years. But hey, it feels nicer when running and any other time and it grows back...but I'm not sure if I want it to grow back or not yet. Hair used to be like my way of telling the world to fuck itself but I think my statement is over and I don't care what it looks like as much anymore. I mean, the world can still go fuck itself, but my mouth can more easily express that than my hair can. Everyone's hair is long nowadays anyway. Fuck it, ya know?

So anyway, I ran again this morning. Cross country is gonna be alright. Katie's gonna run cross country for her college team because they're paying her $1,000 to do it. Wish I was getting that for doing it. I'd buy a car. Maybe a new drumset if not that. I have almost half a thousand right now, though. Anyway, running is alright. We didn't run in circles around the soccer field and there were actually a good many people there this day. I'm not the only new kid, so that's always nice. And our first meet is in Clear Spring! That's like 5 minutes from Williamsport for those who don't know. That's where Katie lives, for those who don't know. That makes me happy. The fuckin' marching band wouldn't be going out there. And I'm not on a fucking field setting drill right now, which is just awesome.

Oh, I watched a little bit of footage of the band on Facebook and the drumline sounds good. That makes me feel so relieved. I didn't want the band to fall apart without me, which I was afraid of. They'll hold their own. Good kids. Some of the kids in band were at cross country. Even one girl in drumline was. That kind of makes me feel guilty but fuck it! It's my life. I'll live it how I want. And I really need the weekends since I have a girlfriend who lives an hour and a half away and has college five days a week. You understand. I've got summer homework I need to start doing soon....

love,
Kyle

No hernia for me!

2009-08-01T21:18:00.000-07:00

I got a physical first thing this morning. So I've woken up in some unique ways this week. Once, it was riding the Dragster at 120 mph, once was running for 35 minutes in cross country, and now I woke up and get my balls felt by a grown man within the first few hours of being awake. I passed my physical as having no abnormalities. That's always a relief. Doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I'm working on it. He shouldn't rub it in.

I have an increasingly bad cough. I hate allergies or whatever this is.

So I went to Brittney's family reunion today where we all realized that I Forget all wears Nike shoes now. Sweat shop babies! Woo!!! I ate food. Apple pie is good. This was the first year in high school that I did not march in the Fort Ashby Parade because I'm officially not doing band. Wonder how this is going to play out with my dad.

After the reunion, we got Timmy from his grandma's house and then drove to Hagerstown to pick up Kaitlyn. Katie had left for the beach a few minutes before I got there, so I did not get to see her. Fuckin' horrible planning and timing we both have. I did buy a Paint It Black CD at the FYE there for $10 like I'd wanted to do, though. I did not get my hair cut today as I wanted to. Maybe tomorrow. Paint It Black are awesome. I went to Tim's afterwards and played a little Mario Kart and felt like dying. Then Kierston's grandma drove me to my stepdad's. What an uneventful-seeming eventful day.

Shane told me that 3Oh!3 is a joke band, basically. If that is true, then I'll see them as Larry the Cable Guy and be able to appreciate them a little more. Still not my thing. LMFAO, Millionaires, and brokeNCYDE need to fuck off, though. Music is dying and the corpses are mating. Bleck.

I wanted to go visit Katie on Monday but there are a lot of things preventing that including a mandatory meeting at the high school at 6 PM. Gonna have to work on finding time because this is a pain in the ass...

love,
Kyle

This is not a test...or is it?

2009-07-31T18:37:00.000-07:00

So fuck. I keep getting hit with these things that I don't know what to think about. Firstly, Katie's all telling me she enjoys brokeNCYDE. What the fuck? Seriously, what am I supposed to think about my girlfriend liking the worst band in the world? She also cut her hair off. Not sure what to think about that yet, either. But probably most importantly is what I learned today.

Dead to Me has finished their new album. I know what to think about that bit initially, right? "FUCKING AWESOME!!!!" But wait, there's a catch. Jack did not record with them. What?! What is Dead to Me without Jack?! That's like Shane and I recording an I Forget album without Brittney. I don't get it! What do I think about that? Dead to Me is one of my favorite bands ever but...without my favorite singer? What's left? Chicken is fun sometimes but I usually really enjoy him when he's playing off of Jack's vocals. Now he's in charge of singing the very melodic things and...that's not what Chicken is really for. Also, their other guitarist Nathan is supposed to sing a lot on this album. I don't even know what the fuck he sounds like because he's never sang for them before. Seriously, this is like Brittney or Shane not being around and me filling in on half of the vocals. It's not the same. But hey, if we're gonna move to Maine and Shane doesn't come, maybe that's how it'll be for a while. But no, Dead to Me is even more different than that. Shane doesn't write that much in I Forget. Jack does. There's a very honest contrast in songs Jack writes and ones he doesn't. That element will just be gone unless he helped write these songs. Fuck kids. Who has kids? Brendan Kelly has a kid and he just recorded. Fuuuck.

That's all this week has been. Things I don't know what to make of. I know what to make of the show last night. It was fucking amazing and amazingly fun. I drummed 'till I bled and then kept drumming some more. That's what you get when you don't drum for...threeee weeeeks. Now I've got 4 bliiiiisters. And two on my toes. And that's what you get when you run cross country in Descendents shoes. Whoaa-ooooh-oh. That's a good rendition of Paramore, eh? It accurately described my last night and this morning. I bought running shoes after I ran. I get a physical in the morning at 10. Can't wait for someone to cup my balls. That's been on my must do list for like...ever. Fuckin' sports.

Here's how last night went first, then I'll get to this morning. Well basically everyone who reads this was at the show. First was a band called мища (pronounced mee-shah). They were like experimental thrash punk screaming something. Not something I'd ever just sit down and listen to, but I have the fullest appreciation for the emotion put into the music. Second was Fair Root. Just a guy playing drums (he had a clear acryllic Pork Pie snare drum just like mine) and a girl playing guitar and both of them singing. Most of their set, I was bringing drums in for our set. When they were done, we traded with the other guy that came from Baltimore and went on third. So we played like...this:

FCCK U
Get a Clue
for.the.$$
The Enforcer
I Hope You Take It Personally
(Prairie) Dog
Back Seat
Bulbasaur
I Love You (As a Friend)
That One Song
Jeeznips

That's about it. After us, counterfeitmatt played. I had to get home, but what I heard was awesome. Think early Against Me! anarcho acoustic punk before they were a full band and it was mostly just Tom Gabel. That's what it was like but with a harmonica thrown in.

This morning, I woke up at 7:25, drove to the middle school on a low fuel light, stretched, jogged down to the soccer field, and attempted to run with the rest of the team for 35 minutes around the soccer field. I pussed out at 15 and had to sit my ass down. I got up twice more to run around two laps each time but I think Nick was right in that I popped my cherry. Hopefully it'll get better from here as they say it will. After all of that, we stretched again and I drove home on a low fuel light. Then I went with my mom to get me new shoes and eat CiCi's for my cousin's fourth birthday.

Here's one more thing I don't know what to think about. Josh Freese is still touring with Weezer and drumming for them on most songs. That's so fucking weird. What's Weezer when Pat Wilson isn't drumming? I guess it's still Weezer...

love,
Kyle

My own words won't cut it today

2009-07-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

I could paraphrase everything I've read today, but I might soil it. So I'll leave you with the articles and excerpts I've read. First, The Get Up Kids apologize for the state of emo and punk bands today.

James Suptic, one of the founding members of the Get Up Kids, has spoken out against the “emo” scene the band inadvertently helped create in a recent interview with Drowned in Sound, adding that he apologizes if the Get Up Kids were in any way responsible for what he encountered at this year’s Bamboozle Festival. The band, who broke up in 2005 but recently reunited for a tour to celebrate the 10th anniversary of their biggest album Something To Write Home About, see startling differences from when they released their 1999 album and now.

“Honestly, I don’t often think about the state of ‘emo’. The punk scene we came out of and the punk scene now are completely different. It’s like glam rock now,” Suptic told DiS. “We played the Bamboozle fests this year and we felt really out of place. I could name maybe three bands we played with. It was just a sea of neon shirts to us. If this is the world we helped create, then I apologize.” Rock Daily was at this year’s Bamboozle fest, and as our photo gallery from the event proves, there was a lot of neon.

While Suptic didn’t name specific bands in the interview, punch “Get Up Kids” and “influenced” into Google and bands like Midtown, Hellogoodbye, Fall Out Boy (who headlined both of the Get Up Kids’ Bamboozle appearances) and countless more appear. “If a band gets huge and they say we inspired them, great. The problem is most of them aren’t very good. What does that say about us? I don’t know. Maybe we sucked. We at least can play our instruments,” Suptic added, citing bands like Fugazi, Sunny Day Real Estate and Superchunk for influencing the Get Up Kids, so we can pretty much pin the entire state of emo at this point on Minor Threat. The reissued Something To Write Home About is out September 7th.

Secondly, BrokeNYCDE finally have their own Wikipedia page. Oh joy. Well first I read that their new album debuted on Billboard Top 200 at #86 which says something about the world and that it all needs to go to hell. Anyway, here is the part about critical review.

Metal Edge Magazine has called Brokencyde "fucking horrendous".^[10] Thrash Magazine has called them "a mockery to the world of music".^[11] Another metal magazine, Decibel, has repeatedly made fun of the band, mentioning them in a interview with the group Big Business, and once ironically referring to then as their "favorite screamo-crunk band". British commentator Warren Ellis calls Brokencyde's "Freaxxx" music video "a near-perfect snapshot of everything that’s shit about this point in the culture".^[12] Says August Brown of the Los Angeles Times, "The 'Albucrazy'-based band has done for MySpace emo what some think Soulja Boy did for hip-hop: turn their career into a kind of macro-performance art that exists so far beyond the tropes of irony and sincerity that to ask 'are they kidding?' is like trying to peel an onion to get to a perceived central core that, in the end, does not exist and renders all attempts to reassemble the pieces futile."^[13]

"If this is the future of rock music, we're fucking outta here", - wrote Kerrang! in it's January 2009 What the F* is up with Screamo Crunk feature. Placing the 'irritation factor' mark at level "very high", the magazine concluded - "Thanks to their tacky, lightweight and frankly rubbish sound, they've probably only got a shelf life of about six months". ^[14]

Oh, and this is the band members section according to Wikipedia.

Se7en - screamed vocals, rap vocals (2006–present)
Mikl - clean vocals, autotune vocals (2006–present)
Phat J - synths, guitars, beats, backup vocals, backup screams and growls (2006–present)
Antz - fog machine and lights (2006–present)

Just thought I'd enlighten you all.

love,
Kyle

Cedar Piss!

2009-07-27T22:08:00.001-07:00

I gotta get to bed soon because we gotta get up early enough to get into the park at 9 in the morning before it opens to the public! We're staying at a hotel at the park, so the guests get in early and can ride rides before the lines get to be a million miles long. I was up until 3 AM last night because Katie had to go to the hospital and I was making sure all was well. Needless to say, I was not up and at the park by 9. Being that I was at the park for at least 6 or 7 hours today and rode three rides, I think getting there before the rush would be a wise decision.

These goddamn roller coasters know how to drop you three hundred feet with style. The one here they said cost $25 million, which might not even be the most expensive one here. We're riding one first thing in the morning that shoots you off at 120 mph straight up (well, sort of straight up, but it spirals upwards) and then comes spiraling straight down. Whole ride is like under 12 seconds long. So uhh...that'll be fun. Standing in line for 3 hours to ride a 12-second ride seemed silly, though. Motherfucker has to be over 300 feet tall itself. Cedar Point knows how to build a roller coaster.

Lake Eerie feels disgusting on your feet. Maybe I'm not used to gooey mud and algae on my feet, but bleh. I'd rather swim in the cold pool. "Heated pool" my ass. The hot tub here is the temperature the pool should be. They actually have the nerve to call it a "spa." They also don't claim to have internet in their rooms here for whatever reason. Well I'm in my room and I'm definitely communicating via the internet, so that's flawed, too. Real go-karts are fucking amazingly fun.

Okay so I'm gonna maybe get to bed. Sarah Palin needs to get out of the earth. I'm still deciding whether or not to do marching band. The Weakerthans are playing DC the same night as one of the competitions, so I'm thinking no.

love,
Kyle

No time for the ol' in-out, love. I've just come to read the meter!

2009-07-25T00:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, so maybe a quickie after all. July 25th. I don't care how off the hours on the blog is, it's July 25th right now. A little while ago I obtained a girlfriend by the name of Katie Mullan. As I said to her after she said "yes," IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME! How long have I been writing about her? Since probably my third or fourth blog post, I'd say. I do believe the first time her figure was mentioned was on December 8th. That's a long time in pursuit, eh? Of course, there was quite the detour when she moved away in January and I saw her however few times and all of that you can read back on but here we are. Finally paying off, eh? Brittney and Britnee were so happy for me. Britnee couldn't refrain from typing with the caps lock key on and making me feel very scared. All is well that ends well. So yeah, as I said in a bulletin post, we cared about each other very much before we even pushed this boat into the water, so let's see how this motherfucker floats!!!

In other brief news, I've decided to quit band. I texted Mark Gauthier and he said that he sure hates to see me go but he definitely understands, told me to keep playing and that I could call him if I needed anything. Thanks, Mark. You really have meant a lot to me and to my inspiration for playing drums over the years. I would not be where I am today without Mark. So I'm sorry to leave him with the rest of the band, I'm sorry I can't enjoy my time there with him, I just feel bad for doing this to him in general, but I am very thankful and I'm so glad he's understanding. And if I have any say in it, I'm going to be playing drums until I die.

In even briefer news, I Forget will now be available to play fall dates. Hooray! No football games or competitions! Now if I could just break this all to my dad and find the cross country sign up sheet. Cedar Point with Tim, Jim, and Alex on Sunday! WOOO! WOOO! WOOO!!! Mario Kart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love,
Kyle

Oh man, wish I'd have read Caleb's comment about a week ago

2009-07-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

So I've been at Myrtle Beach for the past 7 days and just returned earlier today. At Myrtle Beach, we had only dial-up internet in which we had to pay for by the minute and the hook-up was in the parents' bedroom, so needless to say, my time online was very limited. I missed a lot of things including some punknews.org updates, BSC's one year anniversary post, and Caleb's comment to me telling me that Mark Gauthier was this distressed about me wanting to quit band. Now I'll go over this once more and this is it. I would love to love to want to be in band or to even want to be in band but the fact of the matter here is that my friends in the drumline and some in the entire band have already quit and left me to deal with those who Mark, so Caleb pointed out, also cannot stand to be around. Now if there was one reason I'd want to stay it'd be to be there for Mark because Mark Gauthier has really made me into a drummer that I'm proud to be and I hate to leave him on his own. But I don't know if it's really worth it for me. Everyone keeps pulling this "You love playing drums. You should play drums in the band. It's that simple." No, it's not. I'm sorry, but it's not.

Okay, so I'm heavily considering running cross country this year since I won't be doing band. I was asked today, "Do you like running or playing drums more?" Well, drumming, of course. But no, that's not a reason to play in band. I love drumming, so I have a band that I play with and play however I like whenever I want and not whenever I don't want. Playing in I Forget also doesn't require me to spend an entire month of my summer standing out in the sun with a bunch of people I can't stand to be around being ordered to do this and that. I Forget is my dream, Frankfort High School Marching Band is like a whatever thing. Running sounds like fun and there's someone I'd like to be around (Nick George) who I'd be running with. So it makes sense to me whether or not it makes sense to anyone else. Also you can't fuck up running so no one can criticize me.

So I gotta break this to my dad sometime this weekend probably. I'm leaving on Sunday with Tim, Jim, and Alex to go to Cedar Point in Ohio until Wednesday. I'm super stoked. And we play a show next Thursday. So I am just set to go for the next while, but breaking to my dad that I'm not doing band isn't going to be easy or fun. Now about my past week!

So I spent the entire week laying on the beach, getting a little darker, running, playing Mario Kart DS, watching TV, and putting up with Zane. I enjoyed myself to my fullest for once even though Zane made it very difficult. Guess where I went last night!!!!

Okay, so the week of sun and screaming ended with a punk show. Rise Against, Rancid, and Billy Talent at the House of Blues. Okay, I'll start from opening act.

Billy Talent. The only song by them I really knew was "Try Honesty" though I have their entire first album on my iPod. Little did I know they're very enjoyable all of the time. Great show. Guitarist had great hair that you could have eaten cereal out of and played guitar like it was killing him. Very good at it, though. Singer has a very unique voice. Cross between Mike from the AKA's and something more melodic. Very good vocal melodies and songs in general. Great live show, great intros, great breakdowns, great banter. Canadians do it best arguably.

Rancid. Rancid, Rancid, Rancid. Never been a huge Rancid fan. Never really, really got it. Well they showed me what it was all about. It was more of a hugpit than a moshpit, which was kind of fun. When they came out with "Fall Back Down" it was like everyone was a huge family and were all singing together and fuckin' whatever. Great time. It was like watching Disclosure times 50. Great performance while not giving a fuck. I was expecting it to be sloppier than it was. The crowd really weren't all that familiar with the new songs. Nor was I. I think they only played two new ones. I remember they played "Fall Back Down," "Ruby Soho," "Olympia, WA" (my personal favorite), "Time Bomb," "Maxwell Murder," "Journey to the End of East Bay," "East Bay Nights," "Tenderloin," and...I think that's all I remember. Great set for them, too! Only time they kind of lost everyone was when they played a new song that Matt sings with acoustic guitars, an up-right bass, and those thick drum brush-like things. Bad choice in that part. I don't really like songs that Matt sings. But whatev. Rancid is officially a fucking awesome punk band. Tim and Lars didn't look the way I expected them to in person. Tim looked less scruffy and Lars was a lot smaller than I imagined him.

Rise Against. I've been listening to Rise Against since I was in 7th grade. RPM is still my favorite album by them I think, though I do love me some Siren Song of the Counter Culture. Blah blah blah, no one cares. Point being I don't like their new album very much. I've been over this. Well it was a good thing I didn't know all of their new songs or I'd have probably screamed so many lyrics that I'd have died or something. Just singing their old ones was enough to fuck my vocal chords and I'm just short of good descriptions. I don't plan on being a journalist in my future, so it's not a real big deal. Anyway, second song they played was "State of the Union." Felt like I was back in Baltimore watching Paint It Black again. Tim McIlrath is fucking awesome. Rise Against is a fucking good band and it's not fair to judge a band by their latest album I've decided. Songs I knew include, and I've always been bad with their song titles, "State of the Union," "Paper Wings," "Blood to Bleed," "Ready to Fall," "Everchanging" (acoustically), "Dead Ringer," "The First Drop," "Give It All," "Dancing for Rain," "Chamber the Cartridge," "Prayer of the Refugee" (particularly kickass), "The Good Left Undone," and "Survive." They played a lot of new songs I didn't know. Including that acoustic one. Done talking about it. Go see them for yourself. Bands from Chicago kick ass. I just have to go see The Lawrence Arms and I'll have seen the arguably three biggest punk bands from the city.

love,
Kyle

Krusty Krab is unfair! Mr. Krabs is in there!

2009-07-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

Standing at the concession! Plotting the oppression!

That's kind of how my day started. With the remembrance of how funny Spongebob is. Today was fucking interesting. I came across the most interesting bit of information I've come across probably in my whole life time that applies to my life. Can't tell anyone here, though. What we do is secret. I may or may not come back to this later in life and tell you what it was. I'll let you know this, though: my birthday is going to be fucking epic! Cant let you know what that means, either.

I'm leaving for the beach in a few hours. Caleb sent me a message saying that Mark Gauthier wants me to call him. Wonder what that could be about...wouldn't have anything to do with him not wanting me to quit the drumline and leave him with all of those other kids, I wouldn't think. I think I'll hold off on calling for now. I've got a week's worth of vacation to enjoy to its fullest. Brittney brought this emulator with Mario Kart DS, Super Mario 64, The Sims, Harvest Moon, Mario Party DS, and a ton of other games but most importantly Mario Kart DS over so I could borrow it for the week. I've played Mario Kart DS all day pretty much. Why? Because that shit is addictive. It has 16 classic tracks that take me back to the good ol' days of being 8 years old. Who am I kidding? These are that happiest days of my life.

I'm attempting to stay up all night so I can sleep the whole way to the beach or whatever. It'd be a lot easier if Tim were up for me to talk to. There's seriously no possible way to keep myself up for another 6 hours by talking to myself or to my blog. Boy if I did, I'd say a lot of things I'd regret and just a lot in general, eh? I wonder if blog posts have a character limit. It's probably like a trillion letters. I wonder if you could put like the entire Moby Dick novel on here or something. Or the manual to running the universe. Did I cover how I saw Public Enemies and wore a very appropriate Dillinger Four shirt that had a gun on it and says "We'll make you dance" to the movie? Too bad no one can see what my shirt says when the lights are out. My paragraphs aren't based around one idea.

My friend Lauren from Texas wants this tattooed on her foot. It's from the show Flapjack.

It's 3 AM in the morn. Put my key in the door. Dead bodies layin' all over the floor. I don't remember how they got there, but I guess I must have killed them.

I'm listening to different versions of old Alkaline Trio songs I know and the slight differences are eating me up inside, but in a good way. I need to see those motherfuckers again. I hope they tour with The Lawrence Arms in support of their new album they're recording here shortly. That'd be the best tour since the last time the two of them toured. I just want Brendan Kelly, in some form or another, come within 200 miles of here so I can go watch him perform music and have a chat with him. "Hi! I'm kylewagoner from the Sock Drawer!" He'd totally know who I was, too.

I don't deserve this....

I don't deserve this....

I don't deserve this....

No, I don't deserve this....

I don't deserve this....

No, I don't deserve this....

I don't deserve this....

No, I don't deserve this....

No, I don't deserve this....

NO, I DON'T DESERVE THIS NOW.

love,
Kyle

Sily Goose! 2.0

2009-07-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

Or maybe it's 1.1. Whatever. Brittney has asked where I get my movie leaks and she's going to physically be at my house any minute now but I'm sure she'll forget to ask and I'll forget to tell her and someone else here might want to know, but I tend to hear about movie leaks at strikegently.com. Also, if you go to watch-movies-links.net, you can find all sorts of leaks to all sorts of movies on all sorts of sites. A lot of them don't work in America, but there are usually so many options that you can find one that works for you. The movies at strikegently.com always work, though. They also leak new albums and entire discographies of certain bands. Unfortunately, their favorite people are All Time Low and Ollie Sykes because they're sceneass-kissing motherfuckers.

In other news, I can't find my keys still and I'm leaving for the beach early tomorrow and can't find my iPod. So what am I to do? I haven't completely figured that out yet, but it'd be GREAT if I could listen to my songs on the 8-hour trip. Peachy great. Brittney's bringing Mario Kart DS over here in a little bit for me to borrow for the week so I'll have at least something to entertain myself with. I think I'm gonna fuck bitches and get money at the beach.

There's this band from Minneapolis that recently signed to Fat Wreck Chords called Banner Pilot. Maybe you've heard of them. Kind of in the same department as Dillinger Four, Off With Their Heads, and Dear Landlord. Anyway, they describe their sound as "If Jawbreaker, The Lawrence Arms, and Alkaline Trio got in a knife fight and Jawbreaker won...but just by a little bit." Well the band Jaws are described as "for fans of Alkaline Trio, Jawbreaker, and Lagwagon." So is the difference between Jaws and Banner Pilot the same difference between The Lawrence Arms and Lagwagon? I they just say Jaws is for fans of Lagwagon because their drummer used to drum for Lagwagon back in the day before he shot himself through the head. It was actually a little before then that he left Lagwagon and did other things like play for Jaws. Anyway, that's the tale of Derrick Plourde. Crazy bi-polar alcoholic punk drummer. Drummed for Lagwagon, RKL, Mad Caddies, Bad Astronaut, The Ataris, and Jaws. Killed himself in '05.

I Forget has confirmed the show at The Warren on July 30th. We're playing with...Fair Root? We rarely know anything about the bands we're playing with. Maybe one day we'll play with The Lawrence Arms, Lagwagon, Alkaline Trio, and Jawbreaker (if they get back together). Or we could settle for Banner Pilot.

love,
Kyle

Silly goose!

2009-07-16T01:04:00.000-07:00

I saw the new Harry Potter movie today. So did a lot of people. I love that shit. Takes me away to a better place or something. If Harry Potter was real, it'd be way cooler than Twilight being real. I don't really know what to say about it other than it was tough getting tickets and getting in. We bought tickets an entire show early because they were sold out for the 6:30 showing. We went at 9:45. It was Brittney, Tim, Kierston, and I. Yeah, whatev.

Set Your Goals sound like Propagandhi music with some more metalcore influence and some chanting and much scener vocals. Chris Hannah couldn't sound scene no matter how scene the vocal melody was. I think they might love Jesus, too. Propagandhi doesn't give a shit about Jesus.

I spent my night watching Bruno because it was leaked. It was pretty good and I think the gay community needs to cool down sometimes. Once again, this guy exposes a lot of ignorance and in this case homophobia. I don't think it really gives a solution, but it shows that yes, there is no logic in people when it comes to hating gays.

I've come to accept that I really have nothing insightful to say today, either. I'm packing for the beach tomorrow and leaving early Friday morning so I might not blog for a while or if I do, it'll be at weird times of the day for me. I gotta get up rather early (probably before noon) and help my mom with feeding animals and other shit before we go, so I should probably get to sleep now since it's quarter past 4 AM. Yeah. Great. I don't like vacation. I hope this goes nicely. Pray to your gods for me.

love,
Kyle

I AM NEVER GETTING OLD OR CHANGING ANYTHING!!!!

2009-07-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

I hate finales. Scrubs. Fucking Scrubs finale. Who invented endings? They're terrible. So much change there at the end. J.D. leaves Sacred Heart to work somewhere closer to his kid. Why? Why would you do that?! Here you have your best friend, your happy workplace, your crazy janitor with no name, your smokin' hot girlfriend working with you and what do you do? You move 37 minutes away to be closer to your son who is a result of you knockin' up an ex. Great job. See, kids? Sex ruins everything. It not only ruins your life, but it ruins the lives of everyone who works with you, your kid, and everyone who watches your show.

But seriously, that whole thing it's like...I don't want to grow up. I don't want to waste any time in my life. I want to get married and have a family starting tomorrow and raise them right and find the right friends, live in the right place, work the right job, and live a perfect life while maintaining everything that makes me happy. Life's tough, eh? Don't you ever wish you were a moral-less cannibal that only cared about killing people and eating them? No love. No happiness. Just the needs to eat and kill to fulfill. Or you could be a tax collector and only have the same essential needs.

I've made a decision to move to Maine to go to school after I graduate. People who have agreed to come with me thus far are: Brittney, Tim, and Katie. The plan is to get an apartment and all pay for it together while we all enjoy the best years of our lives. And when we're done college, why not just stay up there? No reason to move back here. Our degrees wouldn't mean shit here. What's having an audio engineering degree gonna do me here in West Virginia? What's Tim having a journalism degree going to help him here?

Amanda apparently also quit the band, so that's further reason not to be in the band. I'm really, really leaning towards not doing band this year. Someone's yet to give me a reason why I should not quit other than the band needs me. Of course the band needs me. What's that matter to me, though? You know who needs me? I do. MY band does. Other people need me and the school band is going to take me away on many opportunities those people could have at having me. Fuck band. This last month of my summer needs me! I don't need band! I can play drums perfectly well without it. Trust me. I know what I'm fucking doing.

Computer just completely shut itself down to install updates or some shit. The dogs need to quit barking at nothing. I hate dogs sometimes. If a cat meows outside, all of the cats in the house don't jump out of bed and start meowing and running around. Dogs need to chill out.

love,
Kyle

Quit saying that!!

2009-07-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

I goddamn hate looking back at my blog posts and seeing me mention Katie's name. For one, I hate her actual first name. It's fucking annoying. I hate saying it. I hate typing it. No offense to her, I just don't like the ringing of her name, but I do like the person who it represents, so it doesn't really bother me to say it. However, reading back over it just like glancing through the pages....that's fucking terrible. Just terrible. I feel like I sound like a brainwashed douchebag or like I'm always bitching. Maybe if she was my actual girlfriend I'd feel better about mentioning her--that I'd feel I had some right to mention her name instead of just fooling myself. I don't know, I'll work on that and see how it goes over. Katie Mullan, if you still read this blog, I hope you don't take it personally. You don't like your first name, either. I know too many Katie's.

Anyhow, not to change the subject, but I spent this evening throwing hay bales off a truck. And in return, I got $5 and my mom to say, "Your [Rise Against and Rancid] ticket is paid for." That's right. I'm seeing Rise Against, Rancid, and Billy Talent after all. How do I feel about that? Well I've been saying I want to go to a show and not worry about the music and just mosh, so this might be my perfect opportunity.

My mom has this conditional stupid accent when she talks to rednecks. She was doing it today while we were making hay and talking to this guy who was helping. The whole time I was thinking, "Quit it. You don't really talk like that." And there they were talking about what goat meat tastes like. For real? Are you seriously going to stand there and compare what goat tastes like to other things? Lord, my mom belongs here. How sad...

I have had nothing insightful to say lately. Things with my dad are going well. I had a great weekend. Katie Mullan needs to come back here because I'm leaving this Friday for a week. I'm seeing my psychologist in the morning and supposedly meeting up with Krystal and Timmy for Taco Bell. I'm also supposed to clean the windows in the living room for money. I decided earlier this week that it's wise to keep track of what I am doing each day on here because if I lose something and forget where I was or what I did, I won't be able to trace my steps as easily. Like last Monday I lost my keys and all I remember doing is going to the dentist in the morning. Anyone know what I did last Monday?

I really don't want to do band. Why? Because all of my friends quit save Belle and Caleb, for one. Another important reason is that high school band is not a place for musicians. There's no praise for practicing when everyone else is fooling around and talking. There's a shit ton of "QUIT PLAYING! WE'RE TIRED OF HEARING YOU PLAY!" though. That's no fun. Plus being in band is forfeiting both the last month of your short summer vacation and also every weekend in the fall. Paint It Black and Naked Raygun are playing on 9-11. If you're in band, you can't go to that because you have a football game to play at on some random-ass field. Not fun. Fall used to be my favorite season. Fall to me is now marching band season. It's not here for me to enjoy. It's here to dread. That's no fun. Not fun. Remind me one more time why I should want to play in band. One more thing! I have had to cancel potentially really good gigs with I Forget multiple times before for band. And band camp blows.

Anyone know how to contact someone who isn't responding to texts without seeming like a pest? Should I just back the fuck off? I need advice hardcore. Or maybe I need to read my own preachings and chill the fuck out. Yessssss. Okay. Let's try this again...

love,
Kyle

To band or not to band?

2009-07-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

Let me make a quick note on what happened over the past two days. Thursday I got my drums and stuff from my dad's, picked Katie up from her house in Fort Ashby, took her to my mom's where we restrung a guitar with Brittney, Shane, and Britnee, walked around the house some, and then we went off to play a show. Katie had to go eat dinner with her daddy. Here's how the show went, though. It was unique.

So I'll set the stage with us getting stuck behind traffic on our way there since we always run into road work when we really have to be somewhere at a certain time. We had to be at the show by 5:30 and left my house around 4:55 or so. We dropped Katie off, went to 7-11, and then got stuck in traffic for like 10-15 minutes. Wonderful. So we get to the venue a little bit late. It's okay because no one else is there yet. Not even the sound guy. In fact, the PA didn't even arrive until about 10 minutes after the show was supposed to start. Sean Farr sang first. He did some covers and some good originals. I guess coke makes you a good singer/songwriter but sacrifices your ability to seem like you're from this planet. Sean's set ended with him breaking his low E string. Good set, Sean.

Next was Even Falling. I guess I shouldn't really voice all of my opinions of people who we get to actually play with, but this is for document's sake! So Even Falling is this acoustic band that has a guy who plays acoustic guitar, a guy who just sings, a girl who plays bass or only sings on some songs, and a girl who plays bongo drums. The guitarist obviously has some metal influence and the girl plays bass like she worships Shane. Shane was very impressed by her bass-playing and singing abilities. The guitarist needed to tune his D string. I'm not real sure what the bongo drums brought to the band, but hey, that's not my call. They're a young band, they'll improve or break up. That's what bands do. Their set ended with the guitarist breaking a string. Good set, guys.

Well here's the thing. There was supposed to be this fourth band coming and we were to be third. We were relying on this fourth band to bring a guitar amp since we had no room for ours in the cars. So what we decided to do was to play "acoustically." Now both Sean Farr and the guitarist in Even Falling broke a string. So we couldn't actually play with an acoustic guitar. What we did was we plugged the Gibson Les Paul Jr. '55 into a small PA system and then micked that PA through the main PA. Interesting, I'll give it that. So we were like a quieter version of I Forget. We started our set with "I Love You (As a Friend)" where I used drum brushes instead of sticks so that I'd not overpower everyone else. I was told when the song was over that I could probably get away with using drumsticks. That's what I wanted to hear! So then we did "I Hope You Take It Personally." We played "Get a Clue," "Dog," "Jeeznips," "Back Seat," "The Enforcer," half of "Bulbasaur" before the guitar went out of tune, and "Perfect Day." No "Great Smile," no "Cut Your Hair," and we completely forgot to play "for.the.$$." Did I ever mention that there's a band called for.the.win? Yeah, totally didn't hear about them until after we wrote and titled that song. Also, I saw a shirt that completely ripped off Freaky J's song "Rawr Means I Hate You In Dinosaur." It said "Rawr Means I Love You In Dinosaur." It was being advertised in a corner on Facebook. Complete bullshit. Anyway, our set was interesting. Shane and Brittney sat down to play. It was our first time playing together since May 2nd when we played our last show with Freaky J and the Bears! Oh, they actually changed the name of that song I was just talking about to "How the Indians Was." Anyway, our set ended with Brittney's guitar going out of tune and then getting out the Jagstang and it playing very quietly, so I had to use drum brushes when we played "Perfect Day." Great set, guys. I should come see you play more often.

After the show, Tim, Brittney, Shane, Britnee, Kierston, Alex, and I all went out to eat at Denny's. We sat at the big corner booth and terrorized the other people eating. It was a funny time, as always. You put a lot of funny people together, you're gonna hear some funny things. It's really quite simple. If you put Brittney by her self, even, you're gonna hear some funny things. After Denny's, I came to Mark's house and spent the night.

In the morning, I went home! There I uhh...got a shower and then slept until 2:30 because I was so stressed out about going to my dad's. I decided soon afterward that I was not going to be able to go to my dad's that night. So he came to pick Zane and I up later and I laid in my mom's closet freaking out while my mom went out to talk and rationalize with him. He calmed down after a while and my mom told him to enjoy the evening with Zane and she'd talk to me about going to his house later on. So here in a few hours, I'll be going to my dad's with some hope. I feel a lot better. Oh, and Katie informed me last night that she's staying here for all of this coming week, which is excellent news for me. We got a lot of shit ta do. Oh, and Off With Their Heads at the Talking Head club at Sonar in Baltimore on August 18th and Paint It Black and Naked Raygun at the Ottobar in Baltimore on September 11th, which is a Friday. If I quit marching band, which I may, I'll be able to attend that.

So that was my last two days, pretty much. Any questions? The plan for today is to go see a movie and get dinner with my dad. That'd be nice. Katie wants a kitten, so I'm gonna see if she can't come over to see ours tomorrow. That'd be nice for everyone. I wish I knew how to open a survey. I'd ask if I should quit marching band or not. I vote yes. People in marching band are going to be biased because the drumline is gonna be a lot worse without me. It feels so empty without me. I don't care, though. I want to keep the last month of my summer, keep my weekends in the fall, and maybe go see Paint It Black on 9-11. Why do I feel like something else special happened on that day?

love,
Kyle

s(exlax)

2009-07-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, go listen to the new Cobra Skulls album. http://www.punknews.org/bands/cobraskulls

They are, as I always say, the lovechild of Dead to Me, Against Me!, and Tiger Army. (The three me's.) Alex should like that description. He likes them bands purty good.

So I got into some manual labor today! Put my ass to work in the hay fields and unloaded probably 6 or 7 wagons of hay! Woo! Tone my scrawny muscles right up. I been workin' and liftin' a lot of stuff lately since moving in to my mom's and I like it. Feels like I'm actually doing something when I'm actually doing something instead of sitting at the computer all fucking day long. At the end of the day, I'm tired not only because I've been awake for too long but because I actually exerted myself that day. I felt a little out of place going into a barn filled with rednecks wearing skin-tight plaid pants and a matching Paint It Black t-shirt. They appreciated the help, though, and were very thankful and respectful which is all I ever asked from anyone.

I went to Hagerstown this morning in an attempt to see Katie but someone overslept! No matter, I went to Hot Topic and FYE there and found some good shit I want to get. Hot Topic had Propagandhi's Supporting Caste on vinyl, and the same for Alkaline Trio's self-titled album, Alkaline Trio's Agony & Irony, NOFX's Frisbee (the alternative title to Coaster since vinyl records are closer to frisbee-sized than coaster-sized), Green Day's Kerplunk and Dookie, some Minor Threat, Tim Barry from Avail, and just some other cool shit. They had some alright CD's there, too, but I was mostly interested in the vinyl records because you never see those. FYE there had Paint It Black's New Lexicon which makes me want to return to the store with money and purchase it. Both stores had Gaslight 59 Sound which I intend to buy one day. Oh, and FYE had all sorts of good Alkaline Trio shit including the Goddamnit: Redux, the Crimson with bonus shit, and the Alkaline Trio album. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Since my dad took my laptop, I've been dying for some Alk3.

I then went to Cumberland and drove the car to Dr. Searles' office 3 hours early. I tried finding someone that'd come get lunch with me, but no one was available, which is just sucky. So I didn't have lunch. Dr. Searles showed up a little after 1 wondering what I was doing there and let me in. I proceeded to sleep on his couch waiting for 3 PM to roll around. Then I talked to him about my dad! He's my psychologist, after all. He just assured me that my ideas here are reasonable and I'm the sane one and everything I've said in my blog about it is probably accurate. Whatev. I gotta look for the keys to my dad's house or else I'm not gonna be able to get my drums on Thursday for the show we're playing! We're probably playing The Warren on July 30th. Woo!!!

love,
Kyle

"Irregardless"

2009-07-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

There's apparently some debate on whether "irregardless" is or should be a real word or not. Regardless means without regard, right? So irregardless should mean without without regard, right? So...I guess it really doesn't make sense and shouldn't be transposable. Anyway, not important.

So Jason says that we aren't recording until he moves into his new studio space; we'll just mix until we make the move at the end of the month. So that gives us time to get the album art together! Woo! That also means our album probably won't be out until mid to late August! Woo!!

Katie told me her touch-screen on her phone is broken, so she cannot text back. That is why she answered the phone when Tim called but would not reply to me. Either she's telling the truth or that's one of the best lies I've ever heard. I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt because she told me I need to call her from now on and usually if someone's trying to get rid of you, they don't have you call often. No one cares about that. I'm documenting, leave me be.

Garlic bread. Texas Toast. You can tell your breath is going later before you even put the whole thing in your mouth. Peppermint candy. They are breath-savers. Grandparents. They can provide nice emotional support and peppermint candy. Fathers. They can also provide emotional support but some have trouble with that. No peppermint candy here. Sons. They need emotional support. They also like Texas Toast and peppermint candy in that order.

I am trying to talk to Brittney, Britnee, and Timmy about our new album concept, so I can't do that and do this at the samet time! It involves bathroom stalls!

love,
Kyle

Nothing goes as planned

2009-07-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

All my shit just got erased and now I have to type it again.

Anyway, the whole concept and album cover that I showed you before for our album may very well have to be scrapped. You see, Megan resized the picture before she sent it and doesn't have it in a high resolution anymore, so we can't use that. So now we're toying with some other ideas that don't involve blending a bunch of pictures together or anything like that but is still good. If anyone out there has or know someone who has an album art concept sitting around, we'd be more than happy to at least consider it.

I love how Helen K comes here and posts comments now. It's like she's trying to bring BSC here or something, but I think I come up short of Brendan Kelly. I almost feel like I'm what she has to read while Brendan is away whether it be to go to Florida or Wisconsin or wherever. I can live with that, though. If all of Brendan's followers also followed me and only posted on the weekends or when Brendan was away, I'd be more than okay.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. What's here now is that we need to get an album cover and some art done very soon. Here's all that we need:

-Album cover
-Back side of album cover insert
-CD design (as in what is on the actual disc)
-Back of CD case (where the barcode and tracklisting and shit is)

That's a lot of shit to get together, though I'm not sure if we're really going to finish up the album right this minute. Still, I get so jealous when bands on Fat Wreck show the album art like 3 months before the album comes out. AND they show a tracklisting. I couldn't put our songs in the right order for this album right now if I had to. I don't know how they're going to transition. I wish we'd have recorded this whole album in a week instead of over the past...8 or 9 months. We went in in like October or November to start recording and now we're here. We're like GNR or The Offspring or Green Day or something.

Oh, so maybe you were wondering what I decided to do yesterday? I went to Ridgeley to meet up with Nick and Timmy for fireworks or what have you. I really felt like burning a flag now and then just for the sport of it. I wish I'd had a big boom box and could have walked around playing "Fuck the Flag" or some shit. Or maybe "Stick the Goddamn Flag Up Your Motherfucking Ass You Son of a Bitch" or whatever order the curse words come in that title. Regardless, I don't get teary-eyed on independence day. Maybe I should be more outwardly thankful but it's like...come on, everyone is kissing so much ass. Anyway, about yesterday.

So I tell Nick about my sexual excursions because I don't always get a chance to and he loves it when I do that. A thing he often says as I describe past events is, "God! I've got a boner right now!" That's always brings a profound sense of satisfaction. I did get ahold of Katie yesterday. We called her while walking to Cumberland. She says her dad never came to pick her up but her stepbrother offered to bring her out here today. So today I can either see her if and only if she comes OR I can catch up on some sleep since I had to wake up and go to church this morning. Yawn. We'll see how it turns out. I'll believe she's coming when I see it. If I finish up this blog soon, I'm gonna sleep then.

So uhh...fireworks, fireworks, screaming kids, fireworks, oozin' ah's, boom, boom, boom, fireworks, God Bless America, good night. Right? Isn't that what this country is all about?

Is there something else I wanted to cover? If you haven't noticed or I haven't announced it yet, I officially have 10 followers on blogspot now. And you can buy I Forget merch at http://cafepress.com/i_forget

And love your parents. Especially if they talk to you. We may or may not have a show this Thursday at Salvation Army but Shane's being a wiener about it. The only show we had lined up has been canceled beacuse a fucking fire marshal closed down the venue and then the authorities wonder why kids get involved in things they shouldn't. I hate this bullshit.

love,
Kyle

Why do I do this to myself?

2009-07-04T13:59:00.000-07:00

This weekend isn't going to go as planned, I do figure. Katie rumored that she was coming to this area today and I cannot get ahold of her for shit. So she may be, as Alkaline Trio would say, "off someplace far away laughing at me." Or maybe there's a logical explaination. Then again, there's always some sort of logical explanation for everything in life and I think, personally, that the real reasons behind things aren't usually logical, so by there always being a logical explanation from everyone (be that my dad, Jason, Katie, Belle, etc), I think I'm not recieving the whole truth. But hey, what do I know? I'm just saying that I have no idea what's going on and it's a bummer as usual and I'd prefer that people'd be straight with me more often.

On that note, my dad is being very, very illogical and probably even more so childish. He, in a desperate attempt at controlling me, has taken my laptop, my Wii, my drums, guitar, and bass all for hostage, so to speak, and not letting them leave his house. The Wii I can understand because he did buy it for that house, but my logical reasoning (which is completely true in this case) is that it was played more at this house than his because it was hooked up to the main TV that everyone watches shows on and shit. Here at my mom's we have no satellite, cable, or any sort of service like that. Just television sets. That and my brother lives here and can play it while I'm always drumming or doing something less productive at my dad's. However, him taking it back makes sense. I didn't appreciate how the first thing he said to me after a few days of silence was, "Is the Wii here?" and proceeded to ask me to go get it from my mom's house so he could take it back. Thanks, Dad, I have also been trying to make the best of this situation. How insulting. But anyway, he bought the Wii, it was just a very opportune time for him to ask for it back. My laptop, however, was NOT bought for the entire family. He argues that it was bought to replace the the desktop that crashed in the basement that was initially bought for the whole family. Okay, two things about why it's not ridiculous for me to take my laptop to my mom's:

1. It's a laptop and unlike that desktop, it is mobile.
2. The desktop, unlike my laptop, was bought before everyone else in my dad's house had their own computer.

So uhh...yeah, you can force logic out of it in his favor, but it's really irrational. So anyway, my dad basically took this week of time to cool off to instead get more pissed at me. Will he be the same to his son as he's been to everyone else in his past that he feels has "wronged him" in some way? Perhaps, meaning he'll hold a grudge against me until one of us dies and he'll never really be able to hold a real and logical conversation with me. And if he gets progressively worse, well, my mom is looking in to see if I lawfully am required to see him at all and also if he lawfully can take back all of the things he's gotten me. As I often say...hasn't he ever had a girlfriend? You should know that if you buy a girl a gift, that money towards it is an investment and if you let it fail or something happens, it's gone. No refunds. You can't make up rules after it's done. A gift is a gift. So anyhow, that's basically how that's going. Oh, and no gigs on weekends he has us and no visiting friends on his weekends. Sounds fair, right? Since my mom would let me play gigs and go to my friends' houses on her weekends. Shows some real maturity on his part, it seems.

Oh, so anyway, one more thing. What I'm taking my dad doing this as is this: I have to buy things on my own if I'm not going to accept his help (though that's not what moving back with my mom was about or is about at all). So! That being said, I should get a job and work to buy my own things! Right? That's how it seems to me. So I'll do just that. I've been applying for a few places and I'm going to apply to a few more. And get this: if band gets in the way, then I'll just quit. I'm not going to be in band to please my dad if it's going to conflict with me taking care of myself, as it seems he also wants me to do. This isn't about pleasing my dad anymore. I tried moving out and not offending him and the whole time I was there I tried my hardest to please him, but if I get complete irrationality and disrespect in return, then I'm not going to do this to myself any longer. Do I make myself clear? I'm doing something punk for the first time in my life and living for myself. I am not giving up my dreams; I'm going to go to college to do what I want in life. Fuck anyone who tells me I can't or I should do differently. So this is it, I'm done. I'll worry about other things.

Next on the list to worry about: how am I getting my stuff out of my dad's house? How am I going to deal with his reaction? Should I deal with him at all? What am I doing this evening for the Fourth of July? Burn a flag? Go to Ridgeley? Go to Cumberland? Try to contact Katie some more?

Is this a good post? It's very personal. I think I should write an entire album-worth of lyrics because I obviously have a lot to say about this. See, musicians are always supposed to be told that they'll never make it, so that's playing out nicely. Motivation to prove people wrong.

love,
Kyle

Back to the grill!

2009-07-01T21:41:00.000-07:00

'Kay, I've kind of been slacking here on this blogging thing a little in the past few weeks because I've been doing shit and adjusting to moving back to my mom's and all. Well enough of that shit! I stay up 'till 4 AM every night, so I think I can find some time to rant a little here and there. Well I've got quite the topic to talk about today! How about...I Forget's new album? I Forget in general? Okay, everything I Forget.

So Brandon Irwin, David Irwin's brother, designed us a website today. You can find it at http://iforget.hostoi.com for now, but we're going to get a domain name soon. I'm not sure why he wants to do this all for us and buy us a domain name when MySpace is free and much more frequently used, but this is all him. He can do this for us if he wants. It's pretty much just gonna be where all of our stuff on all of our sites are easily put together. Like one page has all of our Youtube videos, it'll have tour dates, some extended info on each of us, and whatever else. Song lyrics. So like, when we make our new album, it won't say "Go to our MySpace and read the lyrics in a blog post." It'll say "Lyrics at iforgetofficial.com." That's way more badass. But yeah, we're cheap and we're not gonna put all of the lyrics with the album. We're doing System of a Down's Steal This Album! approach and just giving a link for the info. Which brings me to the next part of this! The album art and shit!

Okay, so! I have been trying to get my album concept across for more than half a year now and to get it made so everyone can look at it and marvel at my genius. Well it's changed here and there. It was initially going to be drawn by Michelle like our last cover but she never got around to it and I got tired of waiting, so I got Megan Green over and we took her picture. She recently sent me the pictures and I made a rough concept of how the final one will look. Now I'm still new to Photoshop and all so I really can't make the finished product on my own. So! Britnee gave me one of her friends to contact who is excellent with Photoshop. Makes fucking amazing shit with it, really. Just take my word for it. Anyway, here's my shit rough copy and he will make this amazing. Keep in mind, we still need the caller on the other end in the picture and the background image here is stolen, so I'd like to somehow get something in the back that is legal to use since we're already ripping off Beyonce and Destiny's Child and the Blackeyed Peas on the album.

So there it is! A rough version of our new album! That being posted, here's a rough tracklisting! In no fucking particular order!

1. Is Your Mom Still Around?
2. Dog
3. I Hope You Take It Personally
4. Bulbasaur
5. When I'm With You
6. Jeeznips
7. for.the.$$
8. Not for Resale in California
9. F.C.C.K.U.
10. Flannel Shirt
11. Back Seat
12. Perfect Day

We're sure on like 1-3 and 12, but everything in between is up in the air on order. "Is Your Mom Still Around?" isn't a real song. We might scrap "Not for Resale" and do some acoustic song about religion that Brittney shit out. It's fucking mighty. Everyone will know all of the songs on the album before it's out because we've played most of them live before. It'll be really fucking good, though.

Umm...Brittney quit her job at ACS, I moved out of my dad's house, and Shane has a girlfriend. I Forget has gone through some drastic changes lately, as you can see! That probably means our next album will be a prog country hip hop album after this one. No but seriously, we listen to a lot of Alkaline Trio and Eminem anymore, so keep that in mind if we start sounding different.

I told Sean from Toys That Kill on MySpace IM the other night that I play in the only pop punk band in West Virginia and he goes "The one that plays 'Bomb Sniffing Dogs?'" I said, "Yes!" That is fucking us! That's kind of amazing, eh? So though I didn't get to go see him and his band play at Insubordination Fest, he knows who my band is, which is very satisfying in itself.

Anything else I Forget-related? Fuck you, I'm not telling you anything else. I told you pretty much everything about our new album here. Go get a new hobby.

love,
Kyle

Today held some importance

2009-06-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

Billy Mays dies, I move out of my dad's house, other things...it's just a big ol' clusterfuck of shit. I had the worst evening I can probably ever recall. I cried and cried and cried when my dad started to because he's tried so hard to be a good father for me and I just needed to do my own thing and move back with my mom and it's tough. It's really tough and I'm really not going to go into it because it's personal. It's very personal. There are few things I just won't talk about but this is one of them. This whole evening was kind of surreal and terrible. I see my psychologist tomorrow so hopefully that will help. I'm pretty sure I'll cry yet again.

And Billy Mays! We was so healthy-seeming on Pitch Men the last time I saw him! What the fuck did he die from? Can you die from sun poisoning? I'm pretty sure I'm sun poisoned but I doubt it can kill me unless I get some terrible infection in my blisters or something. I look and feel pretty digusting. If this whole week could have been avoided, it would have been kind of nice.

I really don't know what to say. It's not been a good time, but I think it will clear up eventually.

love,
Kyle

Now that the shit hit the fan: fuck you

2009-06-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

I am going to grow so sick of these Michael Jackson mourners that made fun of him his whole life. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. Now that he's dead, maybe you'll learn what a difference he made in the world of music, but it's a little too late to save him the jokes and humiliation, huh? Maybe if you researched before making judgments and jokes you wouldn't come off being as much of an asshole.

Everyone is saying "Thriller was so good. It was the first album I bought/the first dance I learned/the first time I masturbated alone." Fuck them. God. Yes, I know. Michael Jackson made some huge fucking differences. He's the king of pop, or was, I guess. But that's really not what these same people were highlighting until just a little bit ago. Now the media is frothing at the mouth because it gets its chance to cover his funeral or to show as many videos of him as they could or make tons of documentaries on him and interview everyone he ever knew and perhaps we'll find out what he was really like inside instead of just being labeled a child molester. Well seriously, you're a little fucking late.

Anyway, on a personal note. I have been at the beach all week with Tim. I've wanted to blog a few times, but by the time I've started getting some daily nonsense internet shit out of the way, my dad will say that it's time to go to bed. We're all in a hotel room together, so Tim and I staying up typing to each other on MSN is kind of annoying to him after a while.

So we got sunburnt today, woopee. And uh...I'm not gonna go to Insubordination Fest for the following reasons:

-I want to go home
-I'm tired of being with my dad and Zane every day
-I don't want to ask my dad for a favor and have him sigh and then do it for me
-Matt Burns will be there (who failed to contact us and tell us that the show on Sunday was canceled so we found his shitty sign on the venue door in Martinsburg)
-I don't want to go to it for two days and try to keep up my attention span (though that makes me want to see Short Attention, who will be playing, even more)
-Katie Mullan is coming home tomorrow and I can spend some time with her

Now Toys That Kill, Dillinger Four, and Cloak/Dagger are playing on Saturday. If Brittney wants to go, I think I'm gonna try to get there by 1 PM on Saturday and see some of my favorite bands fucking ever. We'll see. I wouldn't count on it, though. I really want to see Katie since I haven't since February or March.

Fuck it. I really love those bands. All of them. This is so stressful. The things you do for love! I stayed up for hours last night contemplating whether or not I should go. Here's one more reason since then I've come up with why I shouldn't go:

-Imagine moshing while sunburnt all over your body.

Tim and I saw Land of the Lost and boy, do I love that one actor who was also in Hot Rod. He is something. Great fucking movie. Some great comedies coming out this year. The Hangover, Year One, Land of the Lost. Fucking amazing. Bruno is coming out soon and that should be good. I feel like such a horrible supporter of movies when my favorites usually truly are the comedies. I bought a Vonnegut book this week, though. Does that make me seem classier? 'Cause if you think it does, you're wrong. I hate when people read in public and talk about books loudly or whatever just so they'll come off as being classier. It's lame.

I am going to go open a window and search for Hot Rod online so Tim and I can finish watching it. Fucking classic.

love,
Kyle

Oh hey! Where'd you come from? How could I forget those big, hairy nipples?

2009-06-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

My god (Brendan Kelly, for those of you nonbelievers) spoke to me briefly. He more directly pointed me towards the advice of some guy that answered my question for me because he believed that other guy summed it up pretty nicely. Thanks asshole, for intercepting my message to god.

I went to my psychologist today. I am considering moving back to my mom's and wanted a third party to talk to about it. I've kind of been stressed out about it. Do you see this fucking weather? It's going to do this for at least a week and I'm supposed to go to the beach. Here's how the beach will go if I go:

-Rain like this all week (I checked weather.com for Chincoteague and Assateague Islands).
-Mosquitoes bigger than the seagulls that are attracted to repellent.
-Me helping my brother get around with his broken hip all week (dad's orders).
-Probably missing Insubordination Fest (now including Cloak/Dagger).
-Getting upset and having no one to talk to about it (common theme of this week in my life).

I don't want to go. I think those are justifiable reasons. I need a good day tomorrow. We aren't recording because Jason has another excuse. Gettin' pretty sick of them myself.

I hadn't bathed in like 3 days and I took a bath today but the thing with my new hair is that it doesn't look like complete shit after not bathing. Once again: why did I grow it out? Can one really be "crazy bored"?

This blog isn't going much of anywhere, eh? My inspiration kind of fell. Maybe I should make a list. I like lists. Here's a list of some things that make me curse a lot:

Mario Kart - first and FOREMOST Mario Kart. Anyone who has played Mario Kart probably understands. "Damn. Damn....shit....fuckin'.....YOU PIECE OF SHIT! EAT MY DICK!....piss...dammit. Fuuuuuck." That's typical. These games are not fair by any means. They cheat. Even if you turn items off, it's just more fair. I swear the computer players are on speed.

Gruesome horror movies - "Eww fuck, what the hell is that?" Like when pick-axes go through bottom jaws through noses. That's fucked up.

Driving alone - I don't say very nice things to my car or to other drivers. "Don't you even think about pulling out, you piece of shit."

When I think I'm being cool - I have a bad habit of using weak adjectives when trying not to look like a loser which has an oppositve effect, I feel. I don't even have an example.

When blogging - I get angry here. When I get angry or don't understand, a common reaction is "What the fuck is that?" Ya know? This isn't a good list. What the fuck was I thinking? Couldn't I have come up with something a little better? No. My mind is all over the damn place.

You know who is good at cursing? Jimmy Price. He's a fucking master. "Ya shittin'!?"

I should give up sometimes. I want to hear Against Me! with their new drummer. Who else would like to see Angels and Airwaves not get back together? Of course, if it serves as a place for Tom to keep his serious shit away from blink-182, then so be it. I think that if you give the kids an option, they'll buy blink-182 albums over AVA. Just sayin'. Maybe I'm being shallow. This goddamn rain...

love,
Kyle

Stress, stress, stress, stress

2009-06-16T00:43:00.001-07:00

This is what I want and don't want. I don't want to go to the beach in a week. I want to stay home. I want to go to Insubordination Fest next weekend. I want to hang out with my friends on random week days. I want to plan as I go. I want to play shows. I want to figure out what that ska song I heard between sets at the No Doubt show was. I don't want to go to band camp. I want to enjoy the short 3 months we have off this summer. I don't want to put up with the kids in band this coming year. I don't really want to put up with school for another year. I don't want to go to college, especially here. I want to move away, but I also want to stay here and live like I have been but get a passable job and then tour. I kind of want to move to a city and drum for bands. I kind of want to move back to my mom's house because I'm always stressed at my dad's because I have a hard time talking to him about things because he's never been a talker. I want not to be accused of going out and doing stupid shit. I want my dad to realize that my friends are harmless. I want to see Against Me!, Off With Their Heads, Toys That Kill, The Lawrence Arms, American Steel, and Dead to Me before I die. I want to make a list of all of the bands I've seen that I cared even the least bit for and are recognized somewhere. Gotta start somewhere.

Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Punchline, Mercury Radio Theatre, The Sheckies, The Last Hope, Dropout Year, Jet Lag Gemini, The Morning Of, Love Automatic, Farewell, The Flatliners, NOFX, Dillinger Four, The AKAs, The Bouncing Souls, Ruiner, Paint It Black, Propagandhi, Drive A, Saves the Day, Alkaline Trio, The Sounds, Paramore, No Doubt.

Is that it? If it's not, I'm sorry. We've played shows with plenty of bands and some that have played with bands like The Misfits, but...it's nothing against them, it's just I wanted a list of mainly distanced bands that a good number of people have heard of. Whatev. The gnats are brutal in here.

But seriously, do you see why I'm a little stressed? The only thing there I could take direct and easy action on was that stupid list. It's summer time and I just want to chill and college and band and vacations aren't letting me do that. I hate vacations. I've been over this before.

Death By Stereo's new album sounds like Atreyu and that is shitty. George from Hot Water Music is going to replace Warren Oakes in Against Me! now. The blink-182/Weezer show I'm going to is sold out now. That's the only Punknews I've got right now. That and I Forget is playing on Sunday in Martinsburg and you should go and I Forget's new album is going to tear your pubic hair out. Oh, and if you have a Twitter, follow them. www.twitter.com/ifuckingforget

This is the first place I even mentioned I made that. I haven't even told anyone else I made it. I Forget obviously hasn't done anything since I made it, so it doesn't even say anything, but I guess I could say, "Playing a show today. $8" or "Doing guitar to new song" whenever we actually do one of those things for anyone that might care. David Irwin wants to hang out with me this week, apparently.

love,
Kyle